<p>Homeschooling. The most brilliiant kids I know were homeschooled. (And I’m not talking about my own kids). Some of those scary smart kids who would have been “weird” and possibly picked on in school are growing up without that kind of stigma. They are able to work at their own pace and follow their interests. No holding them back.</p>
<p>WendyMouse - it’s very good that you are looking for ways to help your young cousin, and I hope you can continue to be an advocate for him - he will really appreciate having an understanding family member as he grows up.
I think his parents are wise to be a bit concerned for his emotional well-being as he enters school. It’s harder for the very young gifted than many people realize, as they don’t have the maturity to put their gifts in perspective, they aren’t able yet to see themselves the way others see them, and they haven’t
developed the social savvy to find ways to fit in that they will eventually gain with time and exposure to life.</p>
<p>With a child like this, the early years are often the hardest. The “it all evens out in third grade” mantra makes sense in one aspect: By third grade, your cousin will have developed enough social sensitivity and empathy with others that he will be able to adapt to his school environment to some degree. He will still be miles ahead intelletually with other kids his age, but he will not stand out as much because he will know how to blend in the important ways to gain acceptance. Hopefully. Sometimes it takes longer, and I know some kids never learn these skills, but I believe that astute parents who focus on helping their child connect to others can accomplish a lot in the early years.</p>
<p>It’s very important that your cousin find a few other children he can be friends with. Usually, young kids connect the best with other very bright children, but not always. One or two good friends can literally save his life in early elementary school. On the first few days of school, his parents should find out who he befriended and invite them over - cement those relationships.
Get to know those parents as well, and do things outside of school with his new friends. Even just one best friend can mean the difference between a good year and a bad one. </p>
<p>Gotta go, but you have much good advice so far. I’ll write more later.</p>
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<p>Skipping can have many disadvantages. Athletic programs run by out-of-school organizations often strictly group the kids based on chronological age, meaning that the skipped child can never be on teams with his school friends. The same often applies to camps, summer programs, and even volunteer opportunities. In my day (I skipped third grade back in the 1960s), it even applied to scouts (although this may no longer be the case). I had to stay in Brownies during fourth grade (and wear a brown uniform to school on meeting days when all my classmates were wearing green Junior uniforms) because I was too young to be a Junior Girl Scout. It was hideously embarrassing. </p>
<p>Back in school, the child may have a different problem with sports; because he is younger, and therefore smaller and less coordinated, he may not be able to play as well as his classmates do. (I still do not truly know whether I sucked at sports because I am intrinsically not athletic or because I was younger than everyone else.) And when the child gets to high school, it can be hell on earth to have to wait a year to get a driver’s license after everyone else gets theirs. (I spent a hideously lonely year in high school when I was unable to do the things my friends did because I could not drive.)</p>
<p>What’s more, skipping doesn’t solve the problem. Yes, the child is challenged temporarily because he has to cope in a new environment and somehow make up for the instruction he has missed. And I assure you, there will definitely be things that he has missed. (In my case, I had to learn to write in cursive almost entirely on my own; I sucked at that, too, and I still do. And I had to figure out the rules of the games played in PE that were taught during the year I missed; during the first year after I skipped, I often got in trouble for breaking those rules. It was horrible being yelled at in public for this almost every day by the PE teacher.) But it usually only takes a year or so for a smart kid to meet these challenges. After that, it’s back to the same boringly slow pace of instruction, and nothing has been accomplished except to place the child with a group of children who are the wrong age for him.</p>
<p>In my opinion, special programs that cluster gifted children of the same age together are fine. Skipping isn’t.</p>
<p>The truth is that with some kids, it does “even out” a bit by third grade, since some early readers are simply rote hyperlexics, and when it comes time to comprehend, and not just decode, these kids are no longer perceived as so precocious. In fact, kids who were are more developmental readers, can actually be functionally much brighter than rote early readers (although some early readers are not rote at all, obviously).</p>
<p>One of my kids read at 3, and the other at 4 (fluent, chapter book readers), and both were bored silly in first grade (kindergarten was better, since it really was getting used to being in “big school”). Elementary years were a bit on the tough side, I will admit, and yes, there was a lot of “working alone” or “helping others”. We did quite a lot of supplementing.</p>
<p>I sing the praises of compacting curriculum in MS, if your school system will allow this. In HS, there are plenty of challenges, as a result of leveled curriculum.</p>
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<p>One of mine read at 4 (without being taught), while the other didn’t read at all until she was taught to do so in the first grade. Both did fine academically in the long run, but the late reader actually did better (for reasons having much to do with self-discipline and nothing to do with reading).</p>
<p>In first grade, my early reader was placed in a special reading group that worked with second grade materials. This sounds good, but it really wasn’t. He was forever getting in trouble because he couldn’t write small enough to fit answers on the small lines in the second-grade workbooks. For this reason, he came to dread the portion of the school day devoted to reading lessons. What he really needed was a second-grade workbook that had big first-grade-size writing lines, but the instructional materials companies don’t make those. The point I’m trying to make here is that a kid who is advanced in one way (reading, in my son’s case) may not be similarly advanced in other ways (handwriting and coordination, in this instance). Schools do not necessarily cope well with this.</p>
<p>Another situation that may come up with an advanced kid in elementary schools involves the content of the reading materials. Those aimed at older children often include topics that are too serious or scary for younger kids. This is one of the reasons why school librarians often refuse to allow younger students to take out books intended for older students, even if they can read them easily. They don’t want a second grader picking up a young adult book about teenage pregnancy or suicide. The fact that the second grader is capable of reading such a book does not necessarily mean that he is capable of coping with its content.</p>
<p>my oldest was very small for her age- ( she was a 10 week early premie- I don’t think she weighed 40 lbs till she was 8-)she was bright- and had ok small motor skills, but I knew from experience, that playground skills were what made the biggest difference for me ( or lack of them)
I enrolled her early on, in anything that could help gross motor- gymboree, gymnastics, swimming lessons- ballet( one at a time)- and oddly enough, it not only helped her cross midline strength and awareness, but I think it helped her brain too :)</p>
<p>My youngest, refused to take swimming lessons, until I found a pool that had individual lessons. She had more trouble with social, the school we found had 24 kids and 4 full time teachers ( they had small groups of 6 and rotated through classes), but she also started playing on sport teams in 3rd grade which made the biggest difference in her social skills.</p>
<p>I would worry with this kid- that he is made to either feel like a freak, or that he is “more special than others”. I would agree that he may or may not be unusually bright, although I can’t tell from the ancedotes.
One thing that did help with Ds although it is expensive, ( but our ins paid for it) was to have a series of tests. ( as they both were part of a high risk infant follow up study at university of washington, regular iq testing, and evaluations by top pediatricians was part of the study).</p>
<p>We learned what areas they did especially well in and what areas were struggling. Gifted kids can compensate quite a bit in weaker areas that isn’t evident. Its also important to develop the ability to try and fail and try again.
Not always easy with kids who are good at everything.</p>
<p>But its ok to make mistakes and its ok not to be the smartest one in the class. Not saying that kids should ever have to feel like they have to hide their intelligence ( I was glad my seat was in teh back, as I would have to sneak a book to read, when I was done way before everyone else with the rest of my work)
But it is also important not to have to be the smartest and to keep your mouth shut when it isn’t your turn and you are waiting for someone who isn’t as speedy formulating words.</p>
<p>I agree with Marian that some ECs are chronologically based. BUt this boy is almost 6, and in many areas, one class is made up of kids spaning 12-18 months difference. He is also very large for his age- which at this level, could make a huge difference- a lot will depend on the classroom & on his peers.</p>
<p>Which is why I like “mixed” age classes.
My oldest was able to be in one mixed class of k/1/2, when she was in 1st & 2nd grade and in another class of 3/4/5- when she was in 3rd-4th & 5th grade.
Which was great- mixed grades can allow kids to work in different areas- and learn from being the leaders and learn from being the followers.</p>
<p>I’m not a parent but I remember my own experiences. I placed out of the first 5 grades but my parents chose not to skip me for social reasons. If there is a private school that caters to gifted kids, it probably is a good idea. The public school system will probably try to get in his way and slow him down. They succeeded in slowing me down 4 grade levels in math by refusing to give me math books until I fit into the top track. And they may blatantly lie about whether they will place him in the proper level if he tests well. They did with me. Anyway, I would be surprised if the school district is anything but a huge problem when he enters first grade. </p>
<p>BTW, like one of the other posters, the school accused my parents of cramming facts in my head and told me I actually had no real talent.</p>
<p>If he is in a public school system, ability grouping and accelerated sections will be ok for reading, writing, and other subjects except math. Most of these things you can learn about in the library. For math, it just won’t work because you really need a math book and you can’t check them out. You’re going to have to find elementary school math textbooks to buy because they probably won’t provide them to you in school even if your cousin is teaching himself.</p>
<p>Also, make sure the kid’s parents don’t think he’s going to get into Harvard. In all probability, one of the kids who is licking the floor now will get in over your cousin even if your cousin continues to be exceptional. If they want him to get into Harvard, then he’ll have to be selected for the U.S. math olympics camp (top 50 in the country as determined by AMC/AIME/USAMO contests). Otherwise, it’s a crapshoot. If he happens to only be in the top 150 in contest math or chooses to learn about other subjects in his spare time rather than math, then Caltech is a realistic goal. I know it’s ridiculous to talk about college when you’re discussing a 5-year-old, but the OP mentioned Harvard in her post. It’s important not to set up the kid for disappointment. </p>
<p>At some point, think about the CTY program at Johns Hopkins or the CTD program at Northwestern. They have advanced classes in the summer for kids. Later on, a magnet school is probably a good idea.</p>
<p>I don’t remember if the OP said the kid was really that interested in math, but if he is, then this website may be of interest.
<a href=“http://www.artofproblemsolving.com/Classes/AoPS_C_Enroll.php[/url]”>http://www.artofproblemsolving.com/Classes/AoPS_C_Enroll.php</a></p>
<p>As the mother of three kids, all gifted, I can tell you that there are tremendous differences in the needs of gifted kids. I had a couple of gifted kids who, like your cousin, were quite obviously gifted. My third child was not so obvious, because learning disabilities kept him from getting particularly good grades, leaving his teachers unimpressed. I always suspected he was gifted, but never pushed the issue of testing him as I probably should have. Finally, in the 4th grade, he memorized an entire play in one night and his teacher said “let’s test him.” My point is that your cousin’s parents need to be his advocate, and they should never assume that anyone else knows his capabilities as well as they do. I recommend the website <a href=“http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/[/url]”>http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/</a> as an excellent resource for parents of gifted kids. They should be aware that school administrators often think that parents are pushy, and have an over-inflated sense of how “special” their children really are. I was told by by oldest son’s first grade teacher that “all parents think their kids are really smart, but I have eighteen years of teaching experience, and I’m telling you that compared to other kids in my class, your son is a little slow.” I am not kidding – she really said this! (the truth was, he was so bored that he was prone to extensive day-dreaming in her class.) I think it is great that you are thinking about this on your cousin’s behalf. You are a good cousin! :-)</p>
<p>If homeschooling is not an option, then the alternative is to find a school and a set of teachers who are supportive and flexible. Such teachers will allow your cousin to be grouped with kids of similar abilities and be allowed to work at a more advanced level; or if there are no groups and your cousin is far more advanced than anyone else in the class, the teachers should be willing to let him skip the regular, unchallenging assignments and work instead of more advanced stuff.
Not everybody should skip or be willing to skip. My S did not want to skip because he wanted to be with his friends. But in high school, he could not wait to graduate early and start college. In k-8 he had some teachers who were supportive and others who were not. It’s important to have not just one or two teachers but several, for all the grades.</p>
<p>So much depends on the individual child. My oldest was gifted (honestly I don’t like that term, I prefer high ability or something like that) but was prefectly happy throughout elementary school in grade level classes. It wasn’t until she hit algebra in middle school that she became acutely aware of how slow the material was moving and how frustrated that made her. She still struggles with that in high school. Fortunately she found her tribe so to speak at CTY so that has helped. </p>
<p>Her sister was miserable in lower elementary grades. She’s a deep thinker and her second grade teacher was into dittos, not a good match. She’s thriving in middle school now though, because her teachers love what she brings to class discussions. One had tears in her eyes at our parent-teacher conference. There are some really great teachers out there, even in no-name public schools, so I wouldn’t assume the worst ahead of time. </p>
<p>I’d encourage the parents to continue providing a mind-enriching home environment. Books, the public library, museums, spontaneous backyard science, playwriting, music making, philosophical discussions while sitting on swingsets, all good stuff.</p>
<p>I’ve never ever met IRL or online the precocious kid that evened out with the other kids by 3rd grade. And if such a kid exists, it would only be because so many school systems are stifling these poor kids. Imagine how good a skier you would be if you were never allowed off the bunny slope. There’s a lot of research about grade skipping and despite what schools will tell you there is no proof at all that it harms kids. Most kids who are unhappy accelerated would probably have been equally unhappy with their age mates. The trouble is that most school systems just aren’t geared for the outliers. I second going to Hoagies Gifted pages - they are a great source of links to everything gifted. You might want to check out the Davidson Institute as well. <a href=“http://www.ditd.org%5B/url%5D”>http://www.ditd.org</a></p>
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<p>As a former unhappily accelerated kid, I have to disagree. I was comfortable in school before I was skipped, and I was comfortable in college, where I met a large number of other students who were exactly my age (the NY city schools had a large program at the time in which capable students skipped a year in middle school, and many of the kids at my college were from NYC). I was miserably out of place for all the years in between.</p>
<p>I haven’t read all the responses here, but I’d strongly recommend violin or cello lessons, and, of course, the daily 45 minutes (to start) practice time. The string instruments are so tough that they teach excellent perseverance to kids who get by easily in school. No one gets by easily on these instruments. And the sense of accomplishment - wow!</p>
<p>I said most not all for a reason, Marian. I was a happy accelerated kid. Skipping put me exactly where I belonged and I never noticed I was at least a year younger than my classmates.</p>
<p>I’ve seen a lot of suggestions for homeschooling, and while I’m not sure how plausible this is considering the financial situation you described, I think unschooling is something to consider. These sites both have some excellent information.</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=DaynaLeighMartin[/url]”>http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=DaynaLeighMartin</a></p>
<p><a href=“http://www.unschooling.com/[/url]”>http://www.unschooling.com/</a></p>
<p>WendyMouse - It’s great to see your interest in your cousin’s happiness and academic fulfillment. I have 4 kids, all “gifted” but to varying degrees. We are lucky enough to have a gifted program beginning in grade 4 and then a magnet IB middle school. But even these things didn’t go anywhere near fully engaging my 2 older boys. It’s been great for the girls, but the boys were pretty bored and unchallenged. Having said that, a few things I would consider:
-some private schools offer financial aid
-music lessons
-home schooling (this is the only way to skip grades / move ahead in many states)
- recreational sports to allow him to relate to other kids his age in a non-academic environment
-most importantly, try to explain to him that it’s okay and normal to be academic, that every single child in his school has a special talent and his just happens to be his smarts. Try to teach him that if he reacts if other kids tease him, they will get the resulting reaction that they tease for and will continue. If he can let it roll off his back and ignore it, they will learn to respect and admire him for who he is and his special talent. The treatment my 2 sons got in elementary school was indicative of this - oldest son just never cared what others thought and he became admired and respected, even when he brought a book to lunch everyday, received every academic award at year’s end and was continually pulled aside and tutored by the teachers while the rest of the class did their worksheets. Next son got frustrated by the teasing and had a much tougher time making friends and understanding other kids.</p>
<p>I wish you, him and his family good luck.</p>
<p>Is grade skipping taboo for the parents? Or just the school? If the parents aren’t opposed to it, it can really be a great option for such a gifted child. Generally schools are opposed to it, but most can be convinced to allow a child to skip. There are some social issues that should be taken into consideration though…</p>
<p>Grade skipping was painful for some of my peers.</p>
<p>I was one of those children – the one that read at 2, could digest novels by the end of Kindergarten, tested into the “gifted” programs, and so on. I had a friend in 4th grade who had skipped from 2nd. She was painfully shy in school because she felt so out of place, and some of the kids in my “gifted” class (they pulled us out of regular classes for 2-3 hours in the afternoon) felt threatened by her; on her own, when it was just friends, she was delightfully funny and very energetic.</p>
<p>I never skipped a grade despite attending about 12 different schools K-12, mostly for social reasons. The different gifted programs I experienced (between Texas and California) were just that: different. The one in Texas was fantastically diverse, introducing the kids to Shakespeare and logic puzzles and computer programming and everything in between (there was a fantastic day where we got to dress up for the Renaissance period, acting the parts in the hallway; it also included a historical recreation project for items in the time period). The one in California was basically an after-school project; I only participated in one before I gave up on it, which involved soldering circuits (who gives uncoordinated 10-year-olds control of a tool like that? so many trips to the nurse’s office in that class…) and building a small functioning robot car.</p>
<p>The only way I managed not to be bored out of my mind was by being involved in a ton of activities outside of school. I played violin, read several books a week, camped with friends, played basketball and soccer, went horseback riding whenever I could, and much more. I’d taken lessons in everything from gymnastics to ballet to piano and violin to computers by the time I was in 5th grade. </p>
<p>The thing about evening out in 3rd grade is true, but only in terms of social cues. By that age, the “smart kids” learn to blend in with their peers, know to share their interests only with the other kids in their mental peer group. I was blessed with an athletic physique, so this was incredibly easy for me as during recess I could play soccer and run with the other kids, but afterwards go back to writing sonnets and programming the LEGO car.</p>
<p>I definitely emphasize involvement in other activities, though. I was a problematic child in class because it was so SLOW compared to where I was, and though the teachers helped by giving me slightly advanced busy-work, it was truly the variety of outside activities that helped keep me engaged.</p>
<p>Does your cousin also live in RI? Depending on exactly where your aunt and uncle live and how far they are willing to travel, there are a few school possibilities to check out that are likely to be more appropriate for your cousin than his local public school.</p>
<p>wow! what a lot of great responses. Marian – I had to laugh: My eldest skipped (went to school through second-grade, a year off “homeschooling” (reading and playing, actually), and then back to school in fifth grade – he STILL can’t write legibly in cursive – thank goodness for computers.
Weenie – violin or cello. Yes! And for many reasons.
I’m going to introduce a radical idea: slow down. My firstborn was smart and got his jollies from being smart, so I encouraged him. Okay, he has been successful, intellectually, but he never learned the cello.
My youngest two went to Waldorf school where they were discouraged from even looking at a book till second grade. They listened to fairy tales, played with beeswax, dressed up and played make-believe, gardened, knitted, baked bread, and acted out plays. Guess what? D graduated HS with a 4.7 and loves learning (apparently “gets it” because she tutors college seniors in math). Youngest kid still in high school, independent thinker, kind, generous, and PLAYS THE CELLO.
So … kindergarten and the early grades can be about something other than rocket science without necessarily harming the child.</p>