<p>My son got back from school for winter break, and much to my surprise he is smoking cigarettes. Is there anything I can do, have you guys been in a similar situation, how did you react when your son/daughter admitted to smoking? I used to smoke, I quit when he was in 7th grade, and he always seemed very anti smoking…thats why I was so surprised.</p>
<p>Thanks</p>
<p>Call 1800-QuitNow & see if they can suggest any programs in your area if he is interested. They might also have info to share with you about how to support your loved one IF & WHEN he decides to quit. It is a very powerful addiction–tougher to quit than heroin and alcohol, according to the research and folks we’ve spoken with.</p>
<p>You might point out that since smoking causes serious health risks to those exposed to 2nd-hand smoke, he must smoke outdoors only–not in your home & not in any of your vehicles.</p>
<p>My kids are STRONGLY allergic to smoke, especially from tobacco, so that’s not an issue at our household.</p>
<p>American Legacy Foundation has a very good streaming video & website called becomeanex.org to support folks who want to quit smoking. If you PM me with your address, I can send you (at no charge) one of their great Become An Ex books that is valued at $60 or so–we distribute it to interested folks through my non-profit organization, to help folks quit smoking.</p>
<p>There was a recent thread on the topic you might want to read -
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/994855-do-any-you-have-kids-who-smoke.html?highlight=donnal[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/994855-do-any-you-have-kids-who-smoke.html?highlight=donnal</a></p>
<p>I’m amazed how otherwise intelligent young people can start smoking in this day and age with the knowledge they have but are obviously discounting. </p>
<p>Do what you can to have him see the light and quit smoking but he’s already addicted both physically and habitually and obviously has the mentality that it’s a good idea to smoke or he wouldn’t have started. At a minimum I’d make it a little more costly for him by reducing any financial aid you give him (assuming you do) by the estimated cost of this expensive habit he decided it’d be a good idea to start - if he can afford the high cost of cigarettes then he could have afforded to contribute to his own education by at least that amount rather than throwing it away on this filthy new habit of his.</p>
<p>I hope he wises up and quits soon before it gets even more difficult for him to even after he’s mentally decided it’s a bad idea.</p>
<p>I told my daughter that if she got addicted to nicotine from the hookah she bought in Dubai, I would personally come wring her neck. I suggested that she use marijuana in the hookah if she had to smoke something; it would be a lot safer. I also sent her scientific articles pointing out that what she had heard about hookah tobacco was nonsense. Nicotine is nicotine. </p>
<p>I suspect that my words carried some weight, given that I was a nicotine addict for 38 years.</p>
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<p>The first recommendation I would make is to not sugar-coat or enable the smoking in any way. Don’t call it a “nasty habit” or other such silly euphemisms. It’s a drug addiciton, plain and simple. Your son is a nicotine junkie and the drug will slowly control more and more and more of his life. Trust me, nicotine junkies don’t want to hear this, but what else can you say when someone is willing to put down a newborn child because they need a cigarette (drug fix)? It’s a horrible way to live and the disapproval of friends and family must be part of what smokers “enjoy” about smoking.</p>
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<p>I would agree with that. Figure that he will be smoking a pack a day in short order (if he’s not already). So, depending on where you live, I would immediately cut off somewhere between $2000 and $3500 a year from the tuition and/or other support you provide.</p>
<p>Is he dating? Maybe you can point out that it’s a real turn off to girls – the smell, the ashtray mouth, the standing outside in freezing weather to have a smoke.</p>
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<p>Because the nicotine companies (tobacco and pharma) spend so much money marketing to them and because society uses euphemisms like “nasty little habit”, kids don’t understand that it is a physical addiction that will control their lives, all day, every day, for their entire lives, until it kills them. Most kids would never think about injecting heroin because they understand that as a drug addicition. Nobody whitewashes that. They don’t understand that smoking kills more nicotine junkies every year than heroin, cocaine, and booze combined – and it’s not even close. They don’t understand that dying from nicotine addiction is the least of their worries. It’s living as a nicotine junkie that is really miserable. Huddling in doorways to get a fix. Those “looks” from friends and family.</p>
<p>It’s a trap that in nearly 100% of cases, springs shut on teenagers. And, once the trap has slammed shut, it becomes increasingly harder and harder and harder to escape. Whitewashing the addiction as a mere “habit” is part of the trap.</p>
<p>We got lucky. S met a girl that hated cigarettes. Within 2 weeks, he had quit. A year and a half later, he’s still not smoking and they’re engaged. So maybe pointing out the hot girls that hate smoking is a good idea!</p>
<p>interesteddad-- that is a really interesting perspective that, as a 21 year old, I had never considered-- and you are absolutely right that that is how we think of it and we are wrong. That’s sort of one of those right-in-front-of-your-face but you don’t see it kind of things.</p>
<p>My fiance smoked “occasionally” when we first met and quit immediately because I told him I wouldn’t go out with him otherwise. Maybe you’ll get lucky and he’ll meet someone that can get through to him better than you can. Of course, then you might end up with a DIL. FMIL would rather he smoked.</p>
<p>There is not one person on earth who made a conscious decision to smoke all day, every day, for the rest of their lives. Every smoker believes they’ll just smoke a little and then quit. Unfortunately, by the time they realize the trap has slammed shut, it’s too late. The first cigarette sets a process in motion that will, eventually lead to a point of no return where the brain chemistry changes of being a nicotine junkie make getting that next shot of nicotine every 45 minutes the most important thing, all day, every day, even if it means rummaging throught he trash to find a half-smoked cigarette to hold you over until you get to the store.</p>
<p>It’s a vicious addiction because it works on the brain center that teaches us to do things that release dopamine. Nicotine hi-jacks the brain receptors that cause a dopamine release, thus the very nature of our brain chemsitry teaches us, day after day after day, that getting nicotine is a fundamental need, just as important as food and water. It’s not enjoyment. The brain chemistry teaches that it is essential to life. That’s a lie, of course, but it’s hard to argue with brain chemistry. Even worse, the nicotine hijacks the receptors to such a degree that it blocks anything else from causing a dopamine release. That’s why nicotine junkies need a cigarette after a meal to feel “satisfied”. Normally, the food alone would cause a dopamine release, but the receptors have been hi-jacked. Combine that with the relentless reinforcement of the nictoine = dopamine and it’s no wonder that smoker develop such strong associations between everything they do and needing a cigarette.</p>
<p>This can all be avoided by simply viewing smoking as you would view injecting heroin. Something you would never, ever think about doing, even on a lark, because it’s playing russian roulette.</p>
<p>Why is it so hard to quit? Research shows that ex-smokers who smoke just one cigarette have 89% of their brain receptors bound up by nicotine for three hours. In other words, just one cigarette re-ignites the whole brain chemistry physical addicition. That’s why 90% of ex-smokers who “relapse” are back to smoking their full previous rate (or more) within a matter of days.</p>
<p>My niece also was VERY sensitive to cigarettes. She was dating a guy who smoked sometimes. He has since quit for good because of many reasons but especially since he knew she HATED it & it was bad for her health. They are now happily married & have been for some time.</p>
<p>My daughter smokes and besides the horrible smell of smoke I also smell the sweet disgusting scents she tries to use to cover up the smoke. Her purse is filled with perfumes, gum, and breath sprays. My car that she drives smells like an ashtray covered with febreeze. When she hangs her coat in the closet every coat reeks from the smell. She used to smell so clean and fresh and now I could smell her as soon as she walks in the door. I can’t believe she smokes when we have so much cancer in our family. She has a boyfriend who does not smoke and she thinks she is hiding it from him as well. You just can’t hide that smell.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the advice guys…he is up to about a half a pack per day. I don’t really want to cut off paying for his school or anything like that…but I am going to stop giving him extra money. Overall I am surprised, upset, disappointed and feeling guilty.</p>
<p>Have you considered that your health insurance rates will sky rocket when you go from a non smoking family to a smoking family? It only takes one.</p>
<p>I don’t think you should feel guilty. He’s an adult. It’s his damn fool decision, something that he will recognize 30 years and 225,000 cigarettes from now.</p>
<p>@collegeshopping: No I hadn’t considered that…something we are going to have to look into…maybe make him pay the difference. </p>
<p>@interested: The reason I feel guilty is because I was a smoker myself and set a bad example for him…and I have read kids with moms who smoked well pregnant are way more likely to smoke and are possibly born already addicted. </p>
<p>Update: It turns out he started sneaking my cigarettes when he was 12, just before I quit. Then he didn’t smoke until he turned 18 and could legally buy them, then it was off and on from there until he got to school and started hanging out the smokers. He said he has no plans on quitting and is well aware of the health risks and “everyone dies sometime.”</p>
<p>:(</p>
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<p>Well, there ya have it. Typical nicotine junkie. I wish him well, because he will die a little bit every day that he smokes.</p>
<p>With that attitude, I would probably immediately start deducting a pack a day from whatever support you give him. I see no reason not to make him as miserable as possible about smoking. It’ll be good practice for him, since he is opting to be viewed as a leper by the majority of people he will meet. Many employers now test for nicotine and won’t hire smokers.</p>
<p>Treat it just like you would if you found out he was buying crack cocaine or heroin everyday with your money. Enabling his drug addiction is doing him no favors.</p>
<p>Of course, he is not allowed to smoke in your house or your cars. I certainly wouldn’t wash his nasty clothes.</p>
<p>I have always told D and S that if they started smoking they would have to move to the kid fort out back. I think they believe me. D intentionally starts “coughing” if we pass a smoker in public. Op, I am sorry you are experiencing this. As a former smoker you know exactly how challenging it will be for him to quit if he ever decides to (and I have known very few smokers who didn’t try to quit at one point or another). </p>
<p>I used to drum that line constantly - if you start, then some day you will want to quit, and the easiest way to quit is never to start. They watched their great aunt die at 63 after decades of heavy smoking. it really is one of the worst habits you can ever start :(</p>
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It works both ways - my mother smoked when I was a kid and ‘sort of’ quit sometime around when I was in HS I think because she too was concerned that I’d take it up but in reality, I thought it was a disgusting habit for anyone to have and that it wasn’t a healthy thing to do and I never thought it was ‘cool’ so in fact, her smoking helped me decide early on that it was a bad idea and reduced any temptations I might have had when some of my peers decided it’d be a good idea to start smoking (but I was never swayed by peer pressure for anything anyway).</p>
<p>Try not to feel guilty since your S made his own decision to start smoking and likely would have done so whether you smoked or not - it sounds as if it’s now part of his lifestyle (funny word in this context) where he hangs out with the other smokers and and has the whole teenager smoking attitude and mentality (not caring about the health aspect, addiction, cost, annoyance to everyone else, incovenience of not being able to feed his habit whenever he likes, etc.). I’m sure he thinks he’s making an adult decision but really he’s making an adolescent one putting him on par with lots of 13-15 y/o kids. I wonder if he thinks about that.</p>
<p>It’s one thing to decide to be a nicotine junkie, smoking all day, every day, for your entire life, until it kills you back in the 1960s when it was socially acceptable. But, in 2010? When people look at you in disgust? When you know you will be turned down for jobs. When you know that you’ll be turned down for health insurance. When you know that you have to go outside and stand in the rain to smoke. When it costs $10 a day? $3650 a year? It really takes a special kind of loser mentality to make that kind of decision in this day and age. For a drug that doesn’t even give you a decent buzz.</p>