<p>
I think this one is worth remembering.</p>
<p>Years and years ago I said something stupid and insensitive to someone who was about to have serious surgery. Of course, I didn’t intend to be stupid and insensitive and didn’t think I was at the time - but when I think about it now, I’m mortified.</p>
<p>I know a young woman who is battling breast cancer. At the beginnng of her treatment I told her that my prayer for her was to be able to let all the ignorant things people would say to her roll off her without a second thought.</p>
<p>I thought Jennifer Aniston was both clever and relatively classy when she said that Brad Pitt was missing a sensitivity chip.</p>
<p>Wow… just wow. My mom died 3 months ago after a long illness, and just tonight I found myself about to cry for the first time since the funeral. I honestly think I’ve been in a “fog” since then. I’ve been escaping into books every chance I get, to the point of not getting chores done because I’m reading, but I ran out of books… and back into reality. </p>
<p>My point is I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose my husband, and I would think that a few weeks later might even be worse instead of better, as the shock wears off and holes in your day-to-day life become more apparent and refuse to go away.</p>
<p>I don’t think I’d have been able to respond to a comment as insensitive as the one OP mentioned. I think I’d have just stared back, dumbfounded, and walked away.</p>
<p>How about…</p>
<p>“I’m not over losing my spouse yet, but I am over my friendship with YOU!”</p>
<p>Lafalum - we are so sorry about your mother. It’s hard when things take a long bad turn. Hope to give you some “shield” that you can share with the next person who is confronted with a jerk.</p>
<p>hmm
I’d like to say
I can see where the phrase " with friends like that, who needs enemie?s" came from now.</p>
<p>OK, a widow here. I got 2 really stupid comments, one before my dh died and one after. It seems to be unavoidable. Both times from extremely self-centered people who were clueless. I didn’t waste my breath on them coming back with pithy remarks. The world is full of people who don’t get it. </p>
<p>It’s really bad when these kinds of comments come, and repeatedly come, from close family members. </p>
<p>Strangers on internet forums can’t hurt much, when the pain is already so great. Family, however, can really get you.</p>
<p>Love that Brad Pitt/Aniston remark… how about “when Brad Pitt finds his sensitivity chip maybe he can lend it to you”. Snarky enough?
Or “I’m curious, were you born insensitive and ignorant or did you have to work at learning to be that way?”</p>
<p>Try to get a gate keeper installed between your brain and your mouth.</p>
<p>goodness I didnt even know this thread was around until today. Thank you for all the comments, I will file them away in my brain, however I know that when the time comes, they will escape me… I’m touched to see that each of you invested the thought and effort to come up with comments. </p>
<p>I dont think that people mean to be nasty or insensitive, but most dont get it. In a strange way I’m glad that they dont get it. Means that they havent found theirselves in this horrid place. Our society doesnt seem to know how to handle grief so its easiest to package it up nice and tidy in a timely fashion. </p>
<p>Julia Sugarbaker would be proud of all of you…</p>
<p>sistersunnie—your sensitivity and class is touching. I think many who don’t get it are very fearful of emotion and of how messy and ongoing grief usually is…</p>
<p>sistersunnie,
I agree that your sensitivity and class is touching and inspiring.</p>
<p>I think that the best response to the insensitive remark that you are rising above is to say nothing. A person who says something like that needs compassion because either they have absolutely no social skills, no tact or they lack a heart.</p>