<p>How have you parents been dealing with the “new” person that has arrived home from a year of liberty? We have had to compromise and allow a bottle of beer or glass of wine with dinner at home. What accomodations have others had to make?</p>
<p>Liberty…? i’d be happy if she did the laundry once in awhile. She is leaving the end of June to be a counselor at a sleep away camp. I think it will be good for everyone.
cama</p>
<p>More noise, more mess, more drama. More fun, more laughter, more life!</p>
<p>We have to ignore the fact that dear S seems to be in a totally different time zone.</p>
<p>He really likes to stay up very late (2:00am), even if it is just watching movies and or chatting with friends on the computer. He also likes to sleep late. This will have to change next week when he starts his summer job(s). He will be working M-F (8-5), and some nights and weekend hours at a second job.</p>
<p>Tonight he is going to the midnight showing of Star Wars with a buddy at a theater about 50 minutes from our house. I guess the compromise is that we’ll just have to leave the “light on for him”.</p>
<p>So far, (only home a little over a week), he hasn’t had the time nor inclination to “party”. He just doesn’t go to bed at a normal hour.</p>
<p>We didn’t change any rules when ours came home from college. It is still illegal for under 21 to drink. Even though he may have had some at college, we still do not allow it at home. (Of course, it is much easier when we ourselves do not drink–well, my husband does occasionally, but not much.)</p>
<p>We did have to realize that he is used to making his own decisions, going where he wants to go, etc., so we had to ease up on things like “Where are you going? When will you be home?” And get used to the messy room again…</p>
<p>Mostly, we just enjoy it when they are around.</p>
<p>The dishes in the sink (at least they made it that far), dirty griddle pan from making grilled cheese sandwich, computer and playstation 2 set up in the family room is what I get to see every day. We have set a few newer ground rules about cleaning up after ourselves as mom doesn’t get paid to be the maid!! I know he keeps his apartment a mess, but he was informed that he was to clean up himself; it took a few days for the message to sink in, but he is geting the hang of it.</p>
<p>Since s. has been home, he’s fixed my computer in my office, waited around to let the pest control guy in at the house, picked up younger bro. at the busstop for me, visited the homeless shelter he used to volunteer at, helped me with a friend’s dogs that we were watching for her over the weekend, got his car tires rotated and balanced, and tried to make some homemade biscuits from a recipe he had from a cooking class he took for fun - as a break from physics and engineering classes (the biscuits are another story… and the dirty dishes were left out, since at school the staff cleaned up after their cooking class)</p>
<p>Yes, the piles of clothes and such were around the family room for several days, but he actually did his laundry before he came home, so there was little to wash! </p>
<p>Flip side— he leaves in a week for his job at a summer sleep away camp (BTW, cama, where are you located?? That term… “sleep-away camp” must be a northern thing, as people down here look at me in total confusion when I use the term). In the 2 weeks home, he is bustling around to get in his required physical for camp, visiting with HS friends and his college friends who live locally, spending an inordinate amount of time playing xbox live with younger bro., and we are doing several repairs on his car as a birthday present. We always said we’d fix all the safety and important things, but sunroof, cruise control, speakers, etc are non-essentials. </p>
<p>With only 2 weeks home at the beginning and end of summer, we have just enough time to enjoy him before he finds us annoying and overbearing. </p>
<p>He just stopped in with his girlfriend on their way out for dessert…just to chat. I am enjoying this. I guess things are wonderful in 2 week intervals… I guess I’d better get used to it.</p>
<p>Went to Chapel Hill last Monday to help with move out and get things to the storage facility that he is sharing with four others. Returned home with him Wednesday afternoon and he left again yesterday for DC area until the 26th. His band is playing at a music festival in North Carolina this weekend then they are working on a CD. He’ll be home for about two weeks before heading off to Africa for eight weeks for service summer. He’ll be home for a week then off again with more UNC friends to The Gorge in Washington State for some camping and three nights of Dave Matthews. I guess we’ll have him home for about 3 1/2 weeks all summer…oh well…(big sigh)…</p>
<p>He had a beer the other evening with dinner (he is 20 by the way) and NEVER went to bed before 3AM any night he was here…too busy IMing UNC friends, listening to music, playing his guitar and making plans to see HS friends before he left.</p>
<p>I have to admit though that I really do like seeing his room a mess again, at least I know he is there. It just never seemed right being neat and quiet all the time.</p>
<p>I write this through blurry eyes, partly because our house has been full of friends til late at night for the last ten days so I’m also awake late (and of course I don’t sleep until afternoon like our son does). Nevertheless, I love having him home, and am so glad that our house tends to be a gathering place. We really miss our son, but we also miss all his friends, so it’s nice to have them around. </p>
<p>Sadly, the other reason my eyes are blurry is because it was “airport day”. 
Our son headed back to school for a six week summer session and to get his feet wet in a research lab. I never get used to the airport goodbyes, but it helps to know that after six more weeks we get him home for all of July and August.</p>
<p>Enjoy the happy chaos, folks! My older s (starting senior year in college), has moved into an apartment off campus with a couple friends, starting next week. He’ll be taking a couple summer school classes/working part time in his college town this summer. I didn’t let on to him, but my feelings were rather hurt that he didn’t want to come back in “the nest” for summer, but all his friends and activities are there now. So… enjoy your kids while they still boomarang back home! I’ll miss mine this summer (sniff)…</p>
<p><<it is=“” still=“” illegal=“” for=“” under=“” 21=“” to=“” drink.=“”>></it></p>
<p>Depends on the state. Here in NJ, under 21 can legally drink at home with a parent present. But the limit for driving for under 21’s is .01.</p>
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<p>That is certainly not my understanding of the law! I thought the only exception to no drinking under 21 was in a religious ceremony, so if you are having a Friday night blessing and have a sip of wine the storm troopers will not break down your door. But parents serving alcohol to kids under 21 in their own home is exactly the problem in some NJ towns.</p>
<p>hmmmm… I stand corrected (corrected myself)
</p>
<p>from an authoritative source:</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.state.nj.us/lps/abc/faqs.html#faqs[/url]”>http://www.state.nj.us/lps/abc/faqs.html#faqs</a></p>
<p>While a child can be served alcohol in their own home with parental supervision, an adult can not serve to any other children that are not their own. That is were trouble starts, when a parent allows alcohol to be consumed in their home to children other than their children.</p>
<p>[url=<a href=“http://lis.njleg.state.nj.us/cgi-bin/om_isapi.dll?clientID=18933048&Depth=2&TD=WRAP&advquery=“2C%3A33-17”&depth=4&expandheadings=on&headingswithhits=on&hitsperheading=on&infobase=statutes.nfo&rank=&record={169C}&softpage=Document42&wordsaroundhits=2&zz=]Link[/url”>http://lis.njleg.state.nj.us/cgi-bin/om_isapi.dll?clientID=18933048&Depth=2&TD=WRAP&advquery=“2C%3A33-17”&depth=4&expandheadings=on&headingswithhits=on&hitsperheading=on&infobase=statutes.nfo&rank=&record={169C}&softpage=Document42&wordsaroundhits=2&zz=]Link[/url</a>]</p>
<p><<while a=“” child=“” can=“” be=“” served=“” alcohol=“” in=“” their=“” own=“” home=“” with=“” parental=“” supervision,=“” an=“” adult=“” not=“” serve=“” to=“” any=“” other=“” children=“” that=“” are=“” own.=“”>></while></p>
<p>I don’t mean to hijack this thread but the way I read the NJ statute is that if a parent of an under 21 person is present, even if it is someone else’s home, under 21’s can drink with parental permission. Of course, you still have potential liability for anyone who drives. I do know that a former republican governor tried to abolish this law but failed. Then she worked for a law that allows local municipalities to pass ordinances permitting police to enter private property if underage drinking is suspected. So, here in NJ, the legal situation is different from one town to the next. But, the local ordinances cannot overrule the state statute.</p>
<p>I’m glad to see this thread be/c it prompted me to look up Georgia law on the subject. We’d been told by a county official in a 4-H program some years ago that we could not legally offer even a glass of dinner wine to our own teenage children in our own home [no guests]. </p>
<p>However, Georgia law does not say that. </p>
<h2>In fact, I can offer a drink to my own child in my own home if I remain present, but I cannot offer any one else’s underage child alcohol in my home, nor give permission for my underage child to drink in my absence or in anyone else’s home.</h2>
<p>Sorry, didn’t mean to hijack the thread. When my college students came home, I learned to leave the light on and go to bed. They were used to staying up late and coming in late. I still ask for a general idea of where they will be, but since they have cell phones, I can call them or they can call home if a true emergency arises.</p>
<p>When DD returned from college in New Mexico [2 time zones away] last year, it took her quite a while to get her waking/sleeping hours on a schedule even close to “normal.” Now she’s working the early a.m. shift at a television station, so she’s in bed early most nights, to be able to get up at 3:15 and to work by 4:30.</p>
<p>JYM626,
We are from NY. What do they call “sleep away camp” from where you are from? D will be a counselor at a Jewish Y camp in PA.</p>
<p>Cama</p>
<p>I totally agree with sokkermom about the different time zone. He is awake at such wierd hours that now I hardly see my son. Up until 2-3Am, IMing and just having fun.</p>
<p>Anyway, son came home for a few days and is off to Montreal for a week with his friends. Then he goes back to Swarthmore for summer work in the library (helping profs do research). That lasts 8 weeks. Then he’s back for 2 weeks and then back to school again. Ah well…</p>
<p>cama-
I would have sent this backchannel, but your account doesn’t allow pm’s or emails. Do your kids go to Nah-Jee-Wah?</p>
<p>addendum:
I am originally from NY-- hence use the same term as you. Here you have to say summer camp and then clarify that you are not talking about a day camp, but a camp where they sleep there-- summer camp in the mountains. Of course, alll the transplanted northerners (like me) understand the “sleep-away” term.</p>
<p>I was born and raised in Ca by a New York mother thus I also call it sleep-away camp.</p>
<p>This all sounds so strange to me. Here in Europe a glass of beer or wine with dinner is common practice for families with teenagers. (14 and above, say).
In Austria the legal age for wine/beer is 16, and liquors are 18. I’ve seen 13 year-olds in bars (the ones that look older). </p>
<p>It is really interesting to compare the statistics in DUI crashes and teenage alcohol poisoning between Europe and the US. The US has much larger rates… It’s a very complicated difference in cultures but I can say that in Europe I feel much more like an adult, and I react appropriately- with responsible behavior. From my brother’s experience before me, I’m now expecting to be treated like a child again when I go to college in the US. I’m worried.</p>
<p>It’s definitely risky for young teenagers because it messes with the brain chemistry, but having an accepting culture has a whole range of benefits. Alcohol taboo in the US creates this holy grail for teens- as soon as you get a
smidgeon of freedom, pull an all-nighter and binge.</p>
<p>Well, it’s far too complicated to generalize like this…
</p>