So frustrated, no help with elderly fathers

Parent Cafe
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<p>I’m glad to hear you’re definitely going to go. Your son needs you too. Your dad has two children, but your son has only one mother. :)</p>

<p>Another option: Call your dad’s doctor and get a recommendation for a home-health agency. (I’d be cautious about advertising for a worker, you really don’t know who you’re getting.) Agencies will do everything from simply checking in on him several times a day, all the way up to round-the-clock skilled nursing, just depending on what he needs. </p>

<p>Once you have the referral, give their number to your brother, and tell him that he can either take care of Dad for a few days, or he can pay the agency to do it. Don’t ask, argue, or negotiate. Just state it as a fact.</p>

<p>I hope this will be the beginning of you having a bit more space away from your caregiver duties. There’s no reason you can’t get away for an afternoon once a week, or even an occasional weekend. Do NOT let caring for your seniors stand in the way. Taking regular breaks is essential for caregivers, and there are plenty of ways to get your fathers some short-term care so you can do that. But you have to be proactive and firm; my parents would absorb every spare minute of my time if I allowed it. You MUST set boundaries, and carve out some life for yourself.</p>

<p>ETA – So many of us are having various issues with our parents, you are certainly not alone!</p>

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<p>Different degrees of “stepping up” to help with aging parents seems to be the rule, rather than the exception - and it frequently causes understandable friction among siblings. </p>

<p>One suggestion I have is that you might consider talking to your brother about his taking your dad for a few days at a time of <strong>his</strong> choosing. It would probably be good for your dad and it would “break the ice” for your brother and his wife so that taking on the responsibility some time when you <strong>need</strong> a hand won’t be so daunting for them.</p>

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<p>We have used a visiting nurse for respite care. They arranged everything. Once we needed only a couple of hours and other times it was overnight for a couple of days–out of town for a wedding. My mother insisted that we go and it worked out very well. I hope it works out for you, OP. These are special times with grown children and you shouldn’t be expected to make that sacrifice, too. Perhaps your brother could just come over to your house and ‘hang out’ with his father—doesn’t seem like a lot to ask.
Best to you on your trip to NC.</p>

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<p>Congrats to you son! Hope you have a wonderful trip. You and your son deserve it. You have some excellent advice here. Best of luck to you!</p>