So haven’t been to a wedding in a while, good friends of ours daughter is getting married

Parent Cafe
21

Count me amongst those who loves a LOT of notice especially for weddings that require travel. We already have our calendars marked for a June wedding based on the Save the Date. If the couple had wanted an RSVP, I would have given them a YES because we absolutely plan to attend unless some emergency comes up. But that could happen with a 6 week RSVP deadline.

This gives me time to arrange accommodations, figure out travel, etc.

I live that save the dates come out early. I can reserve my accommodations if I choose to do so.

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22

My S sent out a save the date soon after they booked their venue. Even so, people had to adjust their travel plans.

He didn’t have any bachelor/bachelorette events, no wedding party, no engagement party, no showers. They had a welcome reception with appetizers, rehearsal, rehearsal lunch, wedding, reception and brunch the next day in my sister’s lovely and huge backyard. They opened gifts at our house the evening after the wedding with just D, S, H, DIL, my BIL and my best friend present. It was mostly money gifts. The next day, they left for their honeymoon.

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23

D had a shower (she didn’t want to but her bridesmaids insisted). A very toned down week at a beach house with her friends as her bachelorette party. Rehearsal dinner was wedding party, parents and grandparents only , but we did have cake and drinks afterward for anyone who wanted to attend. Of course the wedding reception. On Sunday we invited any out of town guests to come to our house for pizza if they chose.

OTOH, H’s niece had an engagement party, multiple showers, destination bachelorette party, big rehearsal party, etc. That was not common among most people I know.

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24

I have heard of the bride inviting the bridesmaids to lunch and giving out gift bags asking them to be in the wedding party. There are also gifts of PJs and slippers for the “getting ready” on the morning of the wedding.

Here people still bring presents to the showers. Some invites have said “Be a dear, wrap in clear” so everyone can see the gifts, but not open them. Others ask for the gifts to not be wrapped. Some are traditional wrapped gifts and then opened at the shower. My nephew’s bride-to-be included a board with pictures of gifts given by far away folks. Thought that was nice for my sisters-in-law that could not attend.

Money is what is given for the weddings themselves around here.

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25

Thirty plus years ago in the South I had two showers, a breakfast, a rehearsal dinner, a wedding (!), a reception, and a shivaree (my mom’s term for when guests follow couple back to hotel). Then we had another reception in DH’s hometown.

I hope my kids elope.

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26

oh my gosh the shivaree!!! How awkward!!! :face_with_open_eyes_and_hand_over_mouth:

27

Out of your list all we had was wedding shower (H’s Mom & sister), Rehearsal Dinner, Wedding, reception.

I’ve only been two 2 weddings in the last decade - both the kids of a co-worker. They had the same list as mine, but also had a bachelorette party weekend.

28

Back in the 80s, I had an engagement party (no gifts), 3 showers, rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, wedding, tea pouring, reception and morning after opening gifts lunch at my folks’ house with just my immediate family and H’s present. H had a bachelor party. I just went dress shopping with my sisters and my mom. It was pretty low key.

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29

Same!

Should either of my daughters ever get engaged, I plan (hope?) to give a substantial contribution for them to do whatever they want with it - use it for a wedding, spend it on a trip or a down payment for a home…and then just show up wherever they tell me to be when they marry. I had my fill of event planning with two over the top Bat Mitzvahs…

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30

Did they bang pots and pans for the shivaree? That’s traditional! They threatened that at mine.

When I got married we had no wedding dress shopping. I wore my mom’s dress.

I honestly cannot remember if I had a shower. Maybe?

We had a bit of a minor destination wedding. It was in the town where my mom grew up and my Uncle and his fam and my grandma still lived. They hosted a breakfast at a nearby venue. We also had a rehearsal dinner. Then the wedding and the reception and then us just marrieds left and went off on our honeymoon. We did not linger and keep partying.

I think one of mine might do a bigger event and one of mine is more likely to sneak off and have a courthouse wedding.

31

My S was very euphoric on his wedding night. The bride and her family and friends escorted them to his room to be sure he stayed safe. Haha!

32

I guess we had a complete destination wedding except for a few friends who happened to live near that place (was a place where I had lived in the past). So really everyone travelled to this event.

Still…we had a rehearsal picnic (just family) and the wedding, and that was it. No shower, nothing else.

33

We had a very small engagement party with just my aunts and uncles. Two showers - traditional one with family and friends and a couples “bar shower” given by friends. Had a rehearsal dinner at the home of my in-laws friends. We didn’t have an official after party but siblings and my best friends came and hung out a bit in our hotel.

No “welcome party” with drinks or next day brunch. Most people drove home (even those a few hours away). I also wore my mom’s dress so no dress shopping event. No bachelor or bachlorette parties.

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34

D1 had an engagement party, 2 showers, bachelorette party in Cancun, wine tour for guests who arrived early, rehearsal dinner, tea ceremony, welcome party, the ceremony, 2 cocktails before the reception, the reception, and brunch for the morning after. Yes, she wanted the whole thing, but to give her credit, she planned most of the events.
D2 is getting married this July. She is not going to have as many events, but fairly close to it.

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35

I went to a bridal shower for a neighbor’s daughter’s. Both H and I attended the wedding. There were three different bridal showers though - each in a different state, to make it easy for her friends/family to attend.

Went to another family wedding later in the year. There were so many many events leading up to the wedding - was exhausting. And we didn’t even attend all of them!

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36

D1 had a destination wedding in the same spot where we have a vacation place. She had a bridal shower (two of my friends organized it), a rehearsal dinner (that was open to anyone who was at the destination). I’d say 98% of the guests could drive to the venue and most lived in the same state. Those who lived out-of-state were my relatives and H’s relatives. H’s relatives stayed at our vacation place. We rented a place for my relatives (my brother, his wife, and two adult kids) as well as for the wedding party. The day after the wedding we had a breakfast buffet at our place and invited folks to come over to get food before leaving the area. I’d say about half of the invitees came over. I have forgotten the exact number, but there were probably 90-100 people at the wedding. H and I paid for most everything. SIL’s mother and father paid for the rehearsal dinner and D and SIL organized and paid for the brunch. Mostly, they paid for food and a jazz trio to play. A grad school classmate of my husbands was the head of the group and he gave them a discounted price.

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37

My daughter is planning to get married this July. From what I am told, there will be (in addition to the ceremony and reception following), an informal brunch at our house the day after the wedding/reception; a pre-wedding luncheon/tea for the bridesmaids, which is being hosted by a relative; possibly a bridal shower being hosted by one or more members of my wife’s book club; and, tentatively, something (maybe a visit to a day spa?) that my daughter will be doing for her bridesmaids. No bachelorette party, as such, is planned (that I know of). Save-the-date cards will be going out in February for the July wedding. There is a bridal registry: although the gifts purchased can be exchanged by the bride and groom for something of equal value; and gifts will be shipped to the marital address after the wedding. If gifts are brought to the reception, I presume that there will be a table for them. Both bride and groom are in graduate/professional school, so there will be a 2-3 day getaway after the wedding before return to school, with a longer honeymoon that will be deferred.

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38

It really varies from what I’ve seen.

My niece had an engagement party, but that’s because her mother in law wanted to throw one.
My nephew and his wife went to dinner, just the 2 of them after they got engaged. His fiancee’s friends took her out to lunch to celebrate her engagement a week or so after, but it was pretty casual.

I’ve never heard or known of anybody doing a bridal party reveal. I have heard of brides sending gifts to the bridesmaids to be asking them to be in their wedding, but I’ve never heard of any sort of event or party.

Same with picking out the wedding dress. My D was her friend’s maid of honor (her friend only had 2 bridesmaids) and she went along with the bride, the mother of the bride and her mil (the other bridesmaid was out of town for a funeral) to go wedding dress shopping. They did go for a late lunch afterword, since they were all hungry and there was a restaurant nearby. But it wasn’t a huge event or anything…

As for wedding showers, the most I’ve heard of someone having is 4. But in that case it was due to family and friends being scattered all over the country and her parents were divorced and 2 of the showers were pretty small. My niece had 2 showers. And my nephew’s now wife had 2…her main one, and one that some co-workers had for her. From what I’ve heard about D’s friends, I’d say most had 2, but a good amount had just 1. I’d say among who we know, 2 seems to be the average. Anything over 2 is the outlier. My other nephew’s wife didn’t have a shower, they already had everything they needed.

As for wedding after parties…from what I’ve seen it’s usually just “hey if you want to hang out after the wedding with the bride and groom, feel free to come.” And everyone just pays for their own drinks or whatever.

As for a breakfast/brunch the day after, again I’ve seen different things. In many cases, there is nothing the day after. In some cases it’s been a casual, “feel free to join us for brunch if you’d like,” and it’s a casual non-hosted event. I’ve only been to one where it’s been a hosted sit-down event.

As for a welcome event, again I’ve seen all sorts. In many cases there is no welcome event. In others it’s just a casual come meet us at a restaurant or come for pizza at the hotel.
D’s friend’s “welcome party” at her wedding was just pizza out by the pool at the hotel that the bride’s parents ordered. People could come and go…
I’ve only been to one lavish welcome party.

We have some family friends who are very wealthy. They had a welcome dinner for their daughter’s wedding in the party room at a very nice restaurant. They had an open bar, jazz band, appetizers, a nice menu, and very good desserts. The restaurant has a great view of the city and the party was on July 4th, so we all watched fireworks after dinner. The day after the wedding the bride’s parents hosted a brunch in their backyard (they have a gorgeous garden and house). You could tell they had rented tables, chairs, tableclothes, and cutlery. It was a full catered affair, complete with waitstaff, a mimosa bar as well as coffee and water being served, and a string quartet. The wedding shower, rehearsal dinner, and wedding itself were also very lavish. It was all very lovely and classy. But, I’d say this was the only case where I went to a welcome party and after wedding brunch that were fancy catered affairs that are probably more fancy than some weddings…

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39

First let me say it has been a while since I have gone to a wedding. With my wife’s mostly Italian family in the Chicagoland area it would be like this.

Bridal Shower luncheon at a restaurant and gifts were opened. Gifts were off the bridal registry. Rehearsal dinner usually nothing too crazy. Sometimes you might invite close out of town guests to the dinner.
Wedding you gave a card with cash/check. We usually try to cover the cost of the dinner.
(Think the wedding from Goodfellas) (One of my wife’s great aunts who was on oxygen so we knew she wouldn’t be getting up and dancing was the one in charge of watching the bag of envelopes/cards that totaled I think around $8,000 in 1995.)
We only got a few presents at the wedding from my side.

The joke in the family was never seal the envelope before arriving to the reception just in case it wasn’t an open bar.

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I’ve only been to two wedding without an open bar, first was a sorority sister in another area - cash bar, another was for very conservative Christian’s (open bar during cocktail hour, just wine during the rest of the reception). We have the same joke here in northeast NJ, don’t seal the envelope until after the reception. We called them tacky bags that the couple would bring table to table (now there’s usually a nice box).