She lives in Boston, wedding an hour north of there, shower is around here (NJ) in a couple of weeks. Went online to see the registry (registries are just for showers here) picked out a large Lenox serving tray (her parents gave us a beautiful Lenox frame for our wedding), and I asked a friend if I should send it to their home or here to bring to the shower. Turns out there will be no gift opening at the shower, so I sent it to their home. Wow, so easy, and no gift opening to watch! Just a very nice lunch at a restaurant. I’ll take it.
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Most people prefer you don’t bring a gift to an event, especially to the wedding. I always give cash now because most people get married later and they tend to have everything they need already.
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I don’t bring gifts to events. If I want to send a gift, I send it to the home. Actually, for weddings, I always send to the home address…no matter what.
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My S and his fiancée didn’t even register for anything for their wedding. They’ve been together for 7 years and had to donate a lot of things in their move DC to NYC. They basically have what they want & really don’t like “clutter.”
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Weddings here are cash/check only, but traditionally showers are gift grabs, to shower the guest of honor in gifts. Besides eating the opening of gifts was the main event. However I really never enjoyed those hours so I’m not complaining. It’s like going to a wedding reception that doesn’t have a ceremony (I’d be okay with that too!).
It’s interesting to consider how many “events” might be in place for a wedding celebration - what am I forgetting here:
Engagement party
Wedding Dress Shopping (often like an event!)
Wedding Shower
Bachelor/rette party
“Rehearsal” dinner/night before party
Wedding Day/Reception!
AFTER wedding reception party (another stop or get together post reception)
Morning after breakfast/brunch
Are there others common in your circles/families? How many of these did you celebrate for your wedding or your offspring?
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We had…no shower, no engagement party, no after wedding thing, and really no bachelorette party (although the women did get here a few days early for the wedding).
We did have a rehearsal dinner, and a wedding reception and a morning after breakfast/brunch.
We also had a welcome small plates event for all of the out of town guests.
That looks to be a pretty complete list but will say on a few of them they only happen in some cases and in some cases are only applicable to those very close to the bride/groom (i.e. engagement party, wedding dress shopping).
After wedding reception party - whenever I’ve been to one of those it’s typically “anyone interested can meet us at bar XYZ for a post reception cocktail”.
Morning after breakfast - only in cases where it was a destination wedding where substantial numbers of people stayed over and again not a formal thing.
The other thing I’m finding more common over the last couple of years is the time-length of the actual reception seems to be getting longer. The last wedding I went to the ceremony was at 3PM and the reception didn’t wind down till close to midnight.
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Two more here. A couple I know had a Wedding Party “reveal” luncheon - where the bridal party was “announced” and attended the event.
What about the post-proposal event. Again I know somebody who had a big do at a hotel after the bride said yes (like moments after).
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Wow, never heard of the “reveal”!
For our wedding 42 years ago we had rehearsal/rehearsal dinner(I think the church required it!), and wedding/reception. We did do an “open the gifts” thing at someone’s house - honestly can’t remember if it was at my parents or husband’s…but that was just us and whoever’s house it was at. That’s it!
Ooops, I did have a bridal shower!
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We had an engagement party, shower, bachelor party (2 nights, but just strip club local and nyc - obviously just the guts), bachelorette (but just drinks out), rehearsal dinner and wedding. However, it’s getting pretty crazy with everything that was listed with the proposals and such (mine was private, went wedding dress shopping with just my mom, and we had booked the church and reception before we were engaged, only looked at 1 venue).
Back in the dark ages, we had just a wedding reception (small 100 people) and my mother throw me a shower - nothing else. I opened gifts at the shower and they did those silly shower games - making a hat out of the ribbons, etc. The shower included all the women invited to the wedding. My in-laws had relatives at their house right after the shower (so that the men who were their wives drivers would get fed also - I think she catered it.)
The last shower I know of (my sister-in-law went - I was not invited), was basically a wedding without the men. They did not open any gifts, had a full meal, and a DJ with dancing.
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My biggest surprise about current wedding trends… we got an invite nine months ahead of the wedding date with an RSVP deadline seven months ahead. My H had to respond that we just didn’t know at this point.
The last shower I attended was my niece’s this past summer.
Lots of instructions.
It was a couples shower at a restaurant. No gifts were to be opened. The registry was for honeymoon fun and you were provided a Venmo address to give your gift to.
So straight cash homie!
I felt bad because we didn’t understand how pricey the restaurant was. Our gift was less than what our bill was, I’m sure. I guess I’m not used to $17 specialty cocktails. My mil drank 3 without knowing, they were tiny. I tried to buy my own drink but the restaurant wouldn’t let me.
My daughter is asking for no gifts. But we have a shower/bachelorette party, a local wedding that isn’t local for anyone but the wedding couple. And a destination wedding.
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I just looked up the venue, it looks like a very nice wedding venue, I’m sure it’s costing a fortune. I spent $150 on the gift which might just cover my plate. The bride’s father was my husband’s best childhood friend and best man, unfortunately he passed a few years ago. I knew him most of my life too.
Any and all options are of course up to the couple and I guess (?) their family depending on lots of factors. We are not in the driver’s seat for our D’s wedding - nor do we want to be!
And having all or none of the “events” is situation dependent. It’s just one of the more interesting occasions to learn about, hear about, share about.
D1 had a family cookout (arranged by her fiance, her one wish was that she could see all her immediate family “soon” after becoming engaged) the day they became engaged (a couple hours after)
We did 2 separate days of wedding dress shopping with just the moms, sister/sil-to-be and best friend.
There will be a “bachelorette” event but in her hometown and just bride and 4 attendants.
There will be a night before ceremony (not really having a “rehearsal”) for probably half the wedding guests.
Wedding/reception/after reception cocktail lounge
MAYBE an immediate family simple brunch the morning after at the groom’s parents
So nothing fancy, but different occasions for family to be together on a small scale.
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That’s optimistic that they’re going to get people to commit 7 months ahead of time. I “get it” for a save the date notification but a commit? Nope.
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This wedding is the end of April, a destination wedding for most of the guests, and I haven’t even received the invitation yet, just save the date with hotel information. Seven months is crazy!