So, help me get a backbone

College Life
1

<p>Background info: I live in NYC, my mother lives in Maryland.</p>

<p>Yesterday, my mother called me and asked if she could up to NYC and visit me. I told her I planned to just spend the weekend studying for my calc and chem classes that start next week, but she said that her “boyfriend” (I hate saying that in terms of my mother…) was also coming and planned to give me $900 (–I haven’t spoken to my biological father in five years, and haven’t seen him in nine. This new boyfriend of hers is making attempts to “be my father” [his words] since mine sucks and throws money at me at every chance he gets.) </p>

<p>I figure, spending two days with two old people in exchange for $900 = good deal. </p>

<p>So, I agree and planned on doing my studying late at night when they would be asleep. (Did I mention they’re not getting a hotel? They’ll be in my apartment.)</p>

<p>She calls me up again and says that now she, the boyfriend and his daughter are coming. So I’m still wanting that promised $900 so I agree.</p>

<p>I get another call this morning, it’s now her, the boyfriend, his daughter, and two of his daughter’s friends and his granddaughter and two of her friends. This is where I draw the line.</p>

<p>I didn’t invite all of these people, I don’t even know all of these people. I’ve met the boyfriend a couple times, but have never met his daughters or their friends–obviously, I don’t want a bunch of strangers spending the night in my apartment. I was uncomfortable with just her, him and the daughter - but now I have about eight or nine people coming.</p>

<p>I just wanted a quick buck, not to become the Waldorf-Astoria. </p>

<p>So, I decide to call her back this morning and tell her that I don’t want all these people coming and to quit inviting more—and I really didn’t want any of them, including her, there.</p>

<p>In the middle of my rant on the phone, she tells me I’m on speaker phone and they all just heard me.
Yet they’re all still coming and are staying until Wednesday.</p>

<p>Did I mention that they also want me to play tour guide and take them all over the city?</p>

<p>She knows I don’t want them here; I’ve told her I don’t want them here. Short of barricading my apartment door and telling the doorman to not allow any visitors, what should I do to get out of this?</p>

<p>I’ve already tried talking to her, apparently that hasn’t worked. And I’m apprehensive about calling her again in case I get the joy of being on speaker phone…again.</p>

2

<p>If she and/or boyfriend are paying for your apartment, then just suck it up and deal with it for a couple of nights. Yes, it’ll be a pain but then you can go back to enjoying your nice apartment when they leave. After this visit, make it clear that you can’t accommodate more than X number of people at one time.</p>

3

<p>barricade your apartment doors and tell the doorman not to let anyone in.seriously. esp if ur mom’s not payin for ur apartment.</p>

4

<p>wow… that was messed up by your mom for putting you on speaker phone… i would be seriously ****ed.</p>

5

<p>Sounds like you don’t need a backbone, you need a miracle. I wouldn’t refuse to let her in your apartment if she shows up there. But either keep telling her not to come or ask her to get a hotel for the weekend and offer things to do, rather than take them around. She really should have listened to you in the first place.</p>

6

<p>I’d imagine that many of those extra folks will also be kinda apprehensive about going to the apartment of some guy that their friend’s dad knows and living with 9 other people. offer to meet w/mom and bf, hell, even have them over for coffee or drinks or w.e. go out to dinner maybe. but tell her that if you’re supposed to be getting a new dad here, things need to slow down a whole lot. you’re a full-time student with (i’m guessing) a tiny NY apartment. there’s no way you can or would be comfortable handling 9 people.<br>
Besides, if this guy is planning to just give you $900, presumably they can afford a hotel.</p>

<p>how the hell are they managing to get all these people to NYC?</p>

7

<p>how in hell do they expect you to house 8 people in on NYC apartment? that’s so ridiculous.</p>

8

<p>Tell them what they want to hear- since it might be the best way out of this situation. If your mom’s boyfriend really wants to get your attention and wants to please you let your mom know that bringing over a thousand of his closest family over to stay in your apartment is only going to make you not like him even more. Let them know that if they really cared they would not put such a burden on you and your studies and that if they got a hotel ($900 can get them a good hotel in NYC for a couple of nights) that you would appreciate it and that it would give you more time to study and show them around. </p>

<p>If all else fails, try to talk to your doorman and have him explain to your mom that they have a visitor’s policy and that they can’t have more than x amount of people stay at an apartment because it’s a fire hazard or something.</p>

<p>good luck.</p>

9

<p>Seriously, how big is this appartment? Are they planning to sleep on top of each other? Still, that’s like 100$ a person. Go for it. Though try to mention that you need a few hours a day to study, while you stuff them in a Broadway show or something…</p>

10

<p>The apartment is 2,200sqft, three(ish - one I’m attempting to change into a mini-office) bedrooms.</p>

<p>I’m not leaving mine, the second bedroom doesn’t have any furniture in it yet, and the third has only a desk and computer in it. </p>

<p>However, I just spoke with her—after ensuring that I was no longer on speaker phone—and my mother is now claiming that it is not her who invited everyone (she said she invited the bf, only) but the bf who invited everyone else and she felt trapped in letting them come.</p>

<p>I don’t get it, excluding that this man invited strangers to my apartment, what type of person voluntarily leaves their state, packs their luggage in two hours notice, hops on a plane to four states north and agrees to sleep at somebody’s apartment who they don’t know? It seems so random, I would never do that.</p>

<p>However, I’m working on convincing her to convince them to get an hotel.
They still expect me to come out and take them around a tour of the city at 8 o’clock when they get here, tonight…</p>

11

<p>You aren’t being a pushover. Your mom and her boyfriend are being very selfish and manipulative.</p>

<p>Don’t you have any friends whom you could temporarily move in with so you could study? </p>

<p>Another option would be for you to move into a hotel. You could study then. You could leave a copy of your apartment key with your mother if you choose to.</p>

<p>If your mother does things like this all of the time, I suspect that she’s using money to try to control you, and you’ve been continually rising to the bait.</p>

<p>If the boyfriend could give you $900, he has the money to pay for a hotel, and should be expected to do so. Far better for you to have initially refused the offer than to be in the mess of a situation that you’re in now.</p>

12

<p>Give up your apt., take your books and stay with a friend until they are gone. Tell them you have finals and can’t be a tour guide. Lock up all your valuables, meds and any “sensitive materials” that someone may stumble on when they are rifling through your belongings. Let them in, give your mom the key and say you have a study group meeting and stay away until they are leaving. Give them a hearty farewell and assess the damage.</p>

13

<p>Like everyone else seemed to say, you have enough backbone; they need common sense.</p>

<p>Since you’re really not going to be able to barricade them out (well, unless you WANT to… I would), I would try to push them off a little. Say you have enough room for the 'rents, but it would be too crowded and the rest need a hotel room. Chances are, mom and her boyfriend aren’t going to let the kids alone and join them. If you’re really lucky. If I were you, I’d even ask some friend to pretend they were evicted and take up a bedroom at your apartment, just so they feel crowded and want to get a hotel. If needed, leave your car with a friend and say it’s in the shop so you don’t have to drive them. (If they rent a car, say your license was suspended.) Yeah, ends up being messy lies, but I would NOT want such pushy people around me for so long.</p>

<p>Other than that, I like Batllo’s suggestion.</p>

14

<p>Well, they said they will stay in a hotel but haven’t made any reservations at one, so I’m skeptical. If they do plan to stay here all weekend, I’ve decided to just stay at a friend’s place like everyone here suggested.</p>

15

<p>Definitely let us know how this turns out. I can’t believe he is letting his daughter’s friends come. That is absolutely absurd.</p>

16

<p>Don’t let them “guilt” you in spending time with them. Just because they don’t respect your privacy and responsibility to do well in school, don’t disrespect yourself to get yanked around by their shenanigans. You have to be the adult.</p>

17

<p>If they don’t get a hotel then boohoo tough luck, they should have made reservations. I would just tell the doorman that you will not see any visitors so you can get back to your studies.</p>

18

<p>I say move into a friend’s house and let them deal with an apartment that has only (I guess) one bed. That would be insanely amusing if nothing else. As for being their tour guide - are finals not coming, like, really soon? What are they thinking?</p>

19

<p>Your apartment is bigger (sq. footage) than my house.</p>

20

<p>But no furniture, lol.
If I were this absurd boyfriend, I would spend my money on a good hotel, definitely.</p>