<p>The kicker is that he has a FREE COUPON FOR AN OIL CHANGE at a nearby place. Grrr. Hope it hasnt expired.
We pay the auto insurance b/c its our car. We did that for both s’s. He paid a recent repair when his car was broken into. He has to get his laptop to an authorized repair place to get reimbursement from his insu for its falling from a top bunk at the frat house this summer. I am of the “do it now” mentality. He is not.</p>
<p>That’s different, and that’s what I struggle with. I, also, am of the “why wait?” mentality. So, the real issue isn’t that he won’t do it, it’s that he won’t do it when you want him to. That’s precisely what I struggle with – learning to keep my mouth shut just because they aren’t moving on my timeline. Grrrr.</p>
<p>Sometimes he does it, sometimes he doesnt, and sometimnes he waits til its too late. Like with the Dr appts. It may be too late to get an appt at the Dr for a physical or for a teeth cleaning. If he hads a dental [roblem at college, he’ll have to deal with it. If he gets his teeth cleaned while hes home and they find a cavity, he can take care of it easily. The dentist is right up the road. Older s is mich nore proactive with these things. Its furstrating with the younger one.</p>
<p>My younger one is my “problem” child, too. But I know it’s a power struggle with him. If I can just remember to stop pushing, he won’t need to resist so much. We are two peas in a pod, and it’s so damn frustrating. :D</p>
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<p>This is my issue as well. I also want to “get it done now”. But I do agree with letting them fail a little so they expereince the consequence.</p>
<p>The learning in all this is that you shouldn’t push your kids. It is of no use. If they truly like to get a root canal done, they would. You pushing them may work when they are young, like in college. But it won’t work in the long run.</p>
<p>The learning in all this is that parents of college-aged kids have experience in this and know what they are doing. They just enjoy venting about it with colleagues who also have college-aged kids and understand how they feel.</p>
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She had a lot of miscommunication with me and with the school. By time everything was straightened out, it was too late to register for the classes. Even though she told me in March that she ws taking classes this summer, she waited til last minute to be proactive about it
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<p>I would not nag…but we were very clear about the costs of college up front. We paid for the FOUR year plan. Anything above and beyond that was on the kids’ dimes…not ours. If our kids had needed an extra term or summer courses AFTER the four year plan was up…it would have been on THEIR dime…not the parents’.</p>
<p>I have been saying the same thing since day one,We are on the four year plan.</p>
<p>I’m going to have to side with IndianParent here. Our kids to have to have logical consequences when they’re young, and similar logical consequences when they’re older. When they’re young, if they don’t show responsibility in brushing their teeth, they may not be allowed to have a special treat that contains sugar (elementary school). When they’re older, if they don’t take the car to get the oil changed when it’s time, then they don’t get the privilege of using my car. In college, if they don’t pay their apartment rent on time (and I’ve already deposited my money in their account way in advance each semester) then they have to pay the late fee. Simple, character building, and not harmful to their health.</p>
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<p>I would agree with this logic if we were talking about something like, if the kid doesn’t get the oil changed regularly he may breakdown and have to figure it out. But when it comes to the huge investment that H and I have made for our kids college educations, failure to get a degree on the four-year plan is not an option. Why would anyone spend tens of thousands of dollars towards ANYthing and then be ok with watching their investment take a nosedive for the sake of teaching someone a lesson?</p>
<p>Communication is key. If kids understand their parents’ limitations up front, I think they are more likely to live up to their end, even if that means an occasional push or prod from mom and dad.</p>
<p>It is not you who is making the investment. It is the kid.</p>
<p>Also, if the parents have to be on the kids’ collective rear end just to make sure that they graduate, then where does it stop? Are you going to do the same for graduate degrees? Jobs? Keeping their houses clean?</p>
<p>I recommend that you cut them off and let them sink-or-swim. If they are really interested in getting a college degree, they will. Otherwise, they will drop it the moment they are out of your control.</p>
<p>If the parents have paid the college tuitions, I’d agree with 1down12go, the financial investment has been made in the kid by the parents.</p>
<p>Should parents who are paying for ECs similarly hound their kid?</p>
<p>That depends.</p>
<p>I disagree. I think parents shouldn’t require their kids to do anything on the parents’ timeline. The kids should be able to figure out for themselves what to do and when to do it. If they can’t, then no amount of parental hounding will change the fact that the kids’ passions are elsewhere, and not with doing ECs or changing oil. Or guaduating from college for that matter.</p>
<p>Probably depends on one’s definition of “EC”, and that certainly sounds like a different position than has been presented previously.</p>
<p>All I am saying is that pushing kids to get root canals done will invariably lead to them rebelling and not changing the oil in their parents’ cars just to act up.</p>
<p>That strikes me as a rather bizarre analogy, and has nothing to do with EC’s.</p>
<p>Forgive me, I am trying to make do with real life examples that I read on CC, as I do not have a college kid of my own.</p>