@Massmomm @oldfort Won’t his side pay for the rehearsal dinner?
I hired a day of coordinator for peace of mind and so I could enjoy the day instead of being responsible for logistics or snafus.
Maybe she could pay for the dress and shoes. I paid for mine. No favors. Just make a donation somewhere.
Wow just checked our location in Newport where DH and I had the wedding and reception. It now costs 7k just to rent. Our whole wedding probably only cost 6k.
@gearmom - The groom’s side is going to pay for a rehearsal lunch and the welcome party for everyone the night before the wedding.
My daughter and her husband paid for their own wedding-- except I paid for the day-of-coordinator for the same reason that @TatinG says – I didn’t want to have to do anything on her wedding day other than to sit and enjoy the ceremony, and eat and socialize with guests at the reception. And I didn’t want my daughter or her bridesmaids trying to manage all those details either.
My son is the master of short-notice, minimal planning weddings. Things definitely can be done on the cheap if the guest list is kept small and reception venues are in some famiily member’s home.
Ours did all of this and also organized the procession (there was no rehearsal), collected the appropriate people for group photos, made sure all the vendors and delivery people got their tips, and fastened the bride’s bustle before the reception (following the instructions I had gotten from the dress shop). The only vendor the bride dealt with directly was the hair-and-makeup person. The only actual work I did on the day of the wedding was to give the coordinator the reserved seat signs for the ceremony, the reception seating chart, and the table numbers and place cards for the reception tables. All of those things, as well as the cake, flowers, DJ’s equipment for both the ceremony and reception, etc., magically showed up in the right times and places without any effort on our part.
It is important to meet with the coordinator beforehand to make sure your expectations are met.
They will also coordinate picture taking. It is particularly useful if you have a large family.
Exactly as @oldfort says above - make sure you make your expectations completely clear and get references before hiring either a wedding planner or day-of coordinator. My DIL and her mother hired a wedding planner who was, I’m told, reasonable in price and useless in practice. She did none of the things people have mentioned in earlier posts and her actions actually caused chaos and anxiety for the bride on the day of the wedding. Clearly, the wedding went off without a problem and a wonderful time was had by all, but not without some angst that could have been avoided. So, do be open to hiring help to handle the day-of details, but make sure you get good references or trust the person to whom you are delegating the duties.
It is also important to be reasonable with your expectations. If you are having 150 people at the wedding and only hired one coordinator without an assistant then it would be hard to meet every guest’s needs, to look after the bridal party and help with venue set up. You would need to pick and choose as to what’s most important to you on the day of.
I personally would never spend $800 for someone to coordinate but I am frugal and think that is the groomsmen and bridesmaids jobs and I am very good at organizing and delegating lol
We really like our wedding coordinator. She does ALL of the things you have listed above. Our venue has only one event on each day…and the coordinator is from the venue. She will be there from 10 in the morning until the reception ends. DD and she have already discussed what we would like her to do.
Oh…and she will be at the rehearsal as well…and will do things like help with procession, and where folks stand.
I would never expect the groomsmen or the bridesmaids to do things like round up people for the photo shoots or make sure things are being set up as planned. They are honored guests, not vendors or employees.
To the OP. absolutely CAN have a lower cost wedding. Your issue is that you want 120 people at this low cost wedding…with some alcoholic drinks.
Another thing you need to look at ASAP is accommodations for all of the out of town guests…which sound like it could be a LOT of your guest list. On the mid Maine seacoast area, some lodging during the summer will already be booked for 2018. In addition, you my find there is a two night minimum…and since this is peak season, a high cost.
Will you be able to set aside a block of rooms anywhere for out of town guests?
Our DD wanted to look at venues on the CT shore…and we were looking at a May date. Just about every place was $250 a night…or higher…and required a two night minimum stay. We didn’t feel we could ask folks to pay to fly here and pick up a $500 plus hotel bill in addition.
And we were looking OFF season.
I would trust groomsmen and bridesmaids to do a particular task, like ask them ahead of time to set aside time to set up chairs for the ceremony, or to make the bouquets. But would you really want to trust intricate details to someone the MOB/MOG doesn’t know well? And when those people might need to stay with bridal party to follow the strict time schedule for the wedding day?
Is Sally the bridesmaid really going to understand the importance of a detail and be able to articulate it to a vendor? And if the vendor says no, will Sally really stand up to vendor and be able to insist? If your grumpy Uncle Waldo starts a ruckus, wouldn’t it be better to have someone neutral (and who has experience in dealing with this) step in to help diffuse the situation?
Peace of mind on this special day seems to be worth the price of a coordinator.
I wouldn’t want someone to make bouquets…or set up chairs…who is in the wedding party.
In fact, our venue prohibits others from setting up their chairs…for liability reasons…for the ceremony.
What did folks do back in the day before wedding planners/coordinators? Sure, it is convenient but many of us had weddings without ever needing one. If budget is an issue, it is an area to save money. You can have a great wedding on a budget but it does require some creativity, flexibility, and at least a little DIY.
Many venues provide coordinators for the day of as part of the price. I expect that is as much for the venue’s benefit as the wedding party’s. In this day of online reviews, there is plenty of online feedback on venues, and I’d guess the venue gets some blowback when the day goes badly no matter whose fault it is. That doesn’t mean their coordinator will be great (but online reviews can help you spot that sometimes as well).
Agree with others…at this “late” date, you need to get your venue nailed down, along with hotel blocks. And at this date, a wedding planner should be able to help facilitate or guide you on many of the details you need to address fast: photographer, caterer, invitations, florist, etc. As this is your first “rodeo”, there are many details that just won’t even hit your radar without some seasoned help. Consider this as a gift to you and the couple!
They really need the venue and date…as many friends and family may have already made vacation/travel plans…
I had a church wedding and a banquet hall reception. The banquet hall took care of many things. D is having an outdoor wedding in the garden of a historic home. This means tables, chairs, lighting, sound system and all need to be set up. It’s much more involved, hence I felt the need for a wedding coordinator or else I feared the responsibility for making sure it was all set up and taken down property would fall on me, the MOB.
For instance, at a recent wedding I attended, the ceremony was set up outdoors. That afternoon it POURED rain. But just before the ceremony the sun came out. The wedding coordinator and her helpers made sure all the chair seats were dry for the guests. They were out there with thick towels, wiping down every seat. I wouldn’t expect the bridal attendants (who were getting ready at that point) to do that in their wedding clothes.
And if it hadn’t stopped raining, the wedding coordinator and her helpers would have been tasked with moving all the chairs and the arch inside the venue.
It would be a whole lot easier to have a small wedding. Just putting out an alternative. My nephew married his HS sweetheart after they graduated from college in her mom’s yard (very nice location). Family and a very small number of friends (maybe 25 people total). Family made food (pretty easy for 25). His dad and uncle served as bartenders (local beers and wine the couple had picked). They may have paid for a cake. It was simple and meaningful. He cried when he said his vows. It was really memorable and personal.
His brother married the daughter of a private equity fund manager and had a wedding that easily cost $500K in New York. I can’t even remember their actual ceremony.
Both got the job done.