For what’s worth, it can be less expensive to have the reception at a wedding hall than doing everything from scratch when you have a lot of guests. The reason being you would have to rent everything, from utensils to lights, toilets, whereas a wedding hall could do all inclusive.
D1 wanted to do a tent at a museum venue, but just the tent itself was 10k.
My DD wanted to look at venues where we would have needed to rent just about everything…and hire someone to coordinate. We just said NO. There are plenty of all inclusive wedding venues with excellent facilities, excellent food, and nice atmosphere within a short commute of our home.
We told her to pick one of those.
It’s bad enough I have to deal with the flowers!
This thread is making me queasy.
For a year, my daughter, her then-fiance, and I stumbled and fumbled through the totally unfamiliar process of wedding planning. The fact that the wedding took place with only a few minor glitches was more a matter of luck than skill, and it almost convinced me of the existence of a higher power.
I also have a son. Almost immediately after his sister’s wedding, he started dating a woman he had just met, and it quickly developed into a serious relationship. She has a professional background in event planning. This couldn’t have happened a year earlier? If there is a higher power, it’s laughing at us.
In one of my jobs, I act as booking coordinator for a wedding venue – a rustic barn, that sees about 40 weddings a year. In the last ten years we have seen everything, from a wedding where just the flower bill was well over $25,000 to one where the bride and her mother drove through the county cutting down every weed in every ditch, put them in mason jars and sprinkled some glitter around on them all. Every wedding was beautiful, every one of the couples was successfully married. Low cost or high, it is not the cost of the wedding it is the love in the air that makes a wedding memorable.
This whole wedding planner thing is so unfamiliar to me. My church had a coordinator who handled the flower placement and helped me and my bridesmaids in the waiting room at the church. My mom and I bought vases on our own and delivered them to the florist, who filled them and drove them to the reception site and put them on the tables. I delivered the place cards to the venue a couple of days before. The band showed up. I did my own make up and a hairdresser friend did all our hair. The reception venue was in charge of the meal and bar.
I don’t recall my mom or me doing anything but enjoying the day. My hair did need a little help at the reception but my friend was there and helped me in the ladies room 
I thought a wedding planner was used more during the planning stages, to do all the legwork on finding venues, photographers etc etc.
I don’t mean to sound so grumpy and I will probably succumb and hire one if I ever plan a wedding, but it just seems like I didn’t have to deal with any of these issues at my wedding and I haven’t seen anyone like this at the last two weddings I attended (and they were family so I know who was doing what behind the scenes).
As well it should!
Hope OP is sorted- depending upon the B/G’s vision and degree of flexibility, there has to be a way to have a fun wedding in June. Some of my favorite weddings have been the ones where the participants do an end run around the wedding industry. Intimate, warm events with a joyful focus on the couple.
@Surfcity, it sounds as though some of your vendors/venues performed some of the day-of-wedding coordinator functions. The church handled flower placement and organized the wedding party for the procession. The florist set up the flowers at the reception. The venue took charge of the place cards. The band evidently knew the venue well enough so that they could set up without guidance. But for many people, a coordinator is needed to handle all of these and many other things.
I think it also varies where you live. My D and I are just starting to look at venues for her May 2019 wedding. Many venues require a day of coordinator. My D reached out to someone she knows who is a wedding planner and her day of rate is 1400. It is really a week of coordination.
When H and I got married we planned the whole thing in 4 months. It helped that we had a Sunday wedding otherwise we would have had a problem finding vendors.
I think if you live in an inexpensive part of the country or want a church and church hall wedding you can come in at a better price. My D wants to stay at $20,000 but I don’t see that happening.
Wow, thanks, everyone! You’ve terrified and reassured me all at the same time! They literally just got engaged, and are talking to their priest this weekend to set the date. It has to be some day other than a Sunday. Wondering if a Friday in July or August would work. Unfortunately, I don’t get to decide a lot of this. We’re just going to figure out a budget and tell them what they can have. Since we are not from Maine, all of our family and friends will be coming from somewhere else, so I will light a fire under my D and her fiance to nail down the guest list so that we can frighten invitees into making hotel reservations ASAP.
I know the groom wants a tiny wedding. His bride to be wants to honor the people who have watched her grow up by inviting them to the wedding. They will have to compromise, for sure. Ideally, they will invite a ton of people, who will feel very happy to be included, and who will decline, sending their best wishes and no gift. That would be a win-win!
Regarding @gearmom 's question about the rehearsal dinner, I certainly hope the groom’s family is willing and able to shell out for it, but if not, we can do something off-beat at the brewery we are opening this spring. I’m thinking barbecue and beer!
^Actually BBQ and beer would be fun for a wedding reception. Something different.
I will say that my husband and I planned our wedding in 6 months and paid for the whole thing ourselves. But we did a basic cake and punch reception, no meal, and only had 45 people.
@gearmom , I would love it if they’d do contra dancing in a barn. That would be a blast and even us clumsy non-dancers would have a good time. But it’s not my party.
I want to go to your brewery someday. PM me when it is open. A contra dance would be a blast though.
I don’t know yet about wedding planning, but experienced with Bar/bat mitzvahs. When the couple find the venue, they can look for a nearby hotel and obtain a block group rate. If there are enough rooms rented, they also get a hospitality suite. This saved $$ for both the Friday evening meal and the Sunday breakfast, cuz both were held in the suite. FOod trays were brought in. My point is that this was done before Save the Dates cards sent, and guests called the hotel directly and reserved under the family name.
I have spent many tens of thousands of dollars on my daughter’s college education. I sent her on a semester abroad program in high school. There were a couple European vacations. I helped with rent for a couple months after she graduated.
Am I being unreasonably cheap questioning whether I should be expected to pay for a wedding, too?
My kids are way too young to consider marriage, and it is clearly established that weddings are not something we will fund in any way.
@bookworm That is pretty smart. Good cost saving tip.
@Sybylla @katliamom - I don’t think anyone should pay for a wedding if that isn’t what they want to do. With my children I can afford to pay for a reasonable wedding. I have the money and while I want them to have some skin in the game I’d rather they save their money for the future.
What I could not do is let the other family pay the entire bill if I had means. In our situation the bride to be comes from a single family household with little extra money. We will pay a good portion and her Mother will help where she can. The bride and groom will have to foot a portion of the bill. I’m happy to do this. I don’t want her Mom to go into debt for a wedding.With my other kid I doubt the family of the groom will offer to pay for anything. They didn’t pay for his college so I doubt they will pay for a wedding yet I know they have a good sized guest list. In his case they do have means but for some reason have never helped their son.