You aren’t done being their mom. It changes a little but you will find your new normal. Find something to look forward to doing. Go out on a school night! I cried for 7 hours after dropping off my son.
Last year we planned a long weekend away after dropping the last one off. Made the transition a little easier.
You may surprise yourself at how well you do focusing on yourself and your other relationships.
I was so upset about leaving D1, I couldn’t stay for all 3 days we were supposed to be there. I also had to pick a fight with her, so I could be angry about leaving. D1 said to me, “Why do you have to do this? I am just as sad as you are. Here is the present I have for you, and don’t open it until you are in the car.” She made a photo album for us. It was titled “Best of Time,” of every family trips. I cried all the way home (4hrs). We were so sad, no one spoke in the car. It was the first time we were -1. I still remember I used to lie in her bed sometimes because I missed her too much.
Ok I’m tearing up reading this thread. My youngest is a senior in hs, and I teared up today during the senior picture photo shoot! I know it’s my last time doing these things and I get sad. I cry every time I take my college student to the airport. I thought it would stop after freshman year, uh no.
After dropping D off last year, we did vacation in the city a couple days, but I cried most of the way home on the plane. She was gone all this summer too, and it was hard to plan a family vacation without her, but much easier to book places to stay for fewer people! It does get a bit easier. We raise them to grow up and be adults after all. 
I second the idea of focusing on other people. Having a bit less responsibility isn’t all bad.
The weird thing is we weren’t crying because we were upset or sad about her being in college. For us, it was just a reflex emotional reaction.
When I moved S in, we ate lunch at the Whole Foods a few blocks away. He was clearly nervous and I spent much of the lunch trying to convince him that all the new freshmen were nervous, he was ahead of the game since he knew his way around campus (having attended summer programs there) and he was going to do just fine. Of course inside I was thinking - you can come back home and live with me forever, I’m actually now ok with that! Lol.
This year, when I went to move him out and we needed to stop for lunch, he suggested we go back to that Whole Foods as we had come full circle. As we ate there, we were stopped several times by various friends and buddies who were saying hi, wishing him luck in his new job, etc.
it was a nice “full circle” and we were both very aware of that.
Back to when he moved in - the program was such that in the early evening, they wanted the parents to go up to the athletic center and from there to a reception on the beach, and for the students to stay with their dorm mates and go to dinner together with the RAs facilitating their getting to know one another. S walked me up to the athletic center and it seriously took everything I had not to say - Lets just blow this all off and go to dinner - I want nothing more than one more dinner with you. Instead I brightly told him that he needed to go back to the dorm and hang with the folks there and that I 'd see him the next day. He walked away, I composed myself til he was out of site, and sobbed and sobbed that I was losing my little boy. I am almost working myself into tears thinking of it!
So your reactions are totally normal!
I didn’t really do care packages though. Dorm rooms are crowded enough without adding tons of little tchotchkes that will just be thrown away. But to each her own!
D is spent the last week visiting her boyfriend in Georgia, and will be home tomorrow. She leaves for school on Friday. This has been my “training wheels empty nest week.” I did pretty well, all things considered.
PG, care packages can include disposables like food or gift cards too. They don’t have to be junk to be tossed later. My older D appreciated that type.
Thanks you guys…these notes make me feel a lot better. And i’m laughing a bit today too…D called and said that a MOM has been staying with her daughter in the dorm for the first 2 days…when D went to the shower this morning, there was the mom with her own shower caddie. My D was appalled but I was thinking, “hey, you can do that?” LOL.
^^That poor girl. I can’t even imagine!
Wow-the other girls should complain to the RA or whoever. Mom needs to take off in that helicopter.
Next time D raises an eyebrow when I ask for a daily “proof of life” text, I’m going to share your daughter’s story about the movin’ in mom, @SouthernHope!
@sseamom, that mom isn’t a helicopter. She’s the hair on her daughter’s head. I feel better in a perverse way when I hear of these other parents.
I was fine when we dropped off DD two years ago, until I came home and found a lovely letter she’d written to thank us for raising her and sending her to college. Then I lost it.
But I’ve been getting choked up all week knowing that next Sunday, we’re driving our son off to college. It’s the empty nest thing that is really getting to me. Our son is feeling it, too, I think. Every time I leave the house, he tells me to drive safely and that he loves me. And he comes in to hug us both goodnight without fail.
My older daughter is two years out of college, and the younger one graduated this June. I was looking through photos this morning because D2 asked for some for her apartment (1000 miles away), and I started to tear up.
Hugs to you OP. Sometimes I think it hits you harder when you’re not expecting it. When I took my S (now 27) to college, I thought I’d be a wreck. He and I have always been close and have an easy relationship. I cried when I said “goodbye” and for a little while afterwards, but then I was ok. Maybe because he was only 4 hours away, or maybe because I knew he’d call often. Who knows?
I figured I’d be fine when I took D to college. Although I love her with all my heart, she is stubborn and independent and we’ve always butted heads. My difficult child. To my surprise, I cried the entire 8 hour trip home. And I was depressed for weeks. I just didn’t see that coming. Finally, I snapped out of it and began to enjoy my peaceful (and clean!) house and time alone with H.
It’s a big adjustment. Give yourself time. And think about all the things you did right!
I scheduled an extra 2 days in my kid’s new city to settle into the empty nest me. I went to Lush and bought some Bath Bombs and bubbling Bath Melts and plan to get a bottle of wine and soak with my book. My place is supposed to have a deep tub. I will do some of the sight seeing, shopping and just strolling and sitting taking in the scene that I didn’t’ have time to do when we were visiting the school the first time. I anticipate tears but have budgeted time for it.
@saintfan, take advantage of that time to maybe get your kid a few gift certificates for things not far from campus that you can give as Christmas gifts or stocking stuffers. I did that after dropping both my Ds off, and it was a nice distraction to have a chore to do that I knew they would like when I gave them to them later.
Speaking of care packages, my family had a great laugh reading the letter from my college about it. We opted out, because I didn’t like 95% of the stuff listed in them, but one of the sentences read something like “you should get this package full of treats to keep your student going” and then the first thing on the list was some fiber bar or something and we all started laughing… yep, that would keep me “going…” aka to the restroom.