So i just finished crying in the bathroom

Parent Cafe
1

Yes, I’ve been reading the notes about the emotions of leaving kids at college but I’m not the weepy type and i thought I was prepared.

Nope.

We drove D on Wednesday down the east coast and to her new college home…moved her in on Thursday, and now we’re driving back… but I really wept last night once I had a moment to myself. Lots of reasons…some of them really dumb…like why didn’t the 4 of us have a family dinner that last night instead of running around packing stuff that didn’t fit into her dorm room anyway. And why didn’t she and I see that play last year that she wanted to attend instead of me not wanting to bother with going out that night? And why didn’t I do a better job of making sure that she and her brother are closer? Does she have any raincoat at all?

Sigh.

Now onto my new daily life. Ant not 100% willingly…

2

I expect to be there in a week myself…you are not alone. And all of your second guessing questions actually made me chuckle and wonder what mine will be.

3

I still think of so many ways I could have been better, like more dinners out, theatre, etc. sone CCers are so clever, like leaving notes between sheets, having quilt made of old t-shirts. You are not alone, except for the raincoat thing. I put an umbrella in, but doubt it ever got used.

I think the first few weeks are hardest for parents, and even harder for our kids. Just stay positive and strong when you talk to yours. They don’t need to worry about us parents. :slight_smile:

4

My son’s a junior and went back on Monday and I’m crying and I see him every Sat during football season. He’s funny and sweet and I miss him now. It’s good that we like our kids.

5

@SouthernHope Aww, this is normal. Trust me as a mom of 5 Ds, all of whom have gone off to school and who have become responsible, wonderful young adults, despite the many things I should have done! Years after I graduated from college, my mother told me that after dropping me off, she went home and cried for a week. I had no idea. We have a very close relationship even now, some 45 years later. Hugs to you.

6

After we left our D at college, my H, who NEVER cries, cried for several states on the drive home. Seeing him cry made me cry too. It was a pretty soggy drive back.

7

OP, my older D actually DID forget her rain jacket! I think it’s all normal, all part of the plan, if you will. My youngest goes off next year and yesterday reminded me that I only have “44 Mondays left with her at home”. I should be in fine shape by next fall! Thank goodness for Skype, I expect to be their best customer.

8

(((hugs)))

9

Of course you are crying, among other things it is really the end of childhood, of a phase of life, and the beginnings of a new one, and for all the complaints over the years, of being dead tired when they were babies and infants, of driving them all over, of hearing “NO!” for the first time, or trying to get them to eat something healthy, or when your D wanted to get a belly button ring or when your S wanted to get a Mohawk, or the travel baseball teams, music lessons, all of it, it is a time to miss all that. I didn’t think it would bother me, but that silent room that had been his, the legion of the stuffed animals he amassed over the years, and his pretty strong presence hit me like a ton of bricks that first week, it said in a sense that is all past, and now was the future, and it was to me like a gaping hole that needed filling.

Over that week it slowly changed, I enjoyed the time with my wife, the quiet time, the not getting woken up at 2am by our night owl banging around, of being a couple. Not to mention our feathered son, who has just as much personality as our non feathered one and is a lot more strict about protocol lol. Plus, I realized he was still there, we text during the day (usually about sports, I have a sport nut for a son who is also a music geek, go figure!), and I also realize that he is still my son, always will be, and that specialness doesn’t end. It has survived his big trip to China last summer, it has survived some of the dramas of this year (was a rough year, emotionally and otherwise, with him), uncertainties, and when he came home a couple of weeks ago it wasn’t like he never left, but in some ways it was a new relationship, and even in some ways more special.

It is okay to reflect and even grieve on the past, of that transition, but know that they are still your son or daughter, and that there is going to be a new kind of magic as they journey forward as adults. And know, to quite my wise, wonderful therapist, that if they can tie their shoes and go potty by themselves, you have done your work, and can now enjoy the fruits of it smile

10

I cried when I dropped D1 off, until I almost got hit by a truck walking back to my car. She called me everyday freshman year, I think partly because she felt bad that I cried! :smiley:

11

When we dropped S off at college, I started crying as soon as I turned my back to walk away from him, heading off to dinner with a bunch of floor mates.

I sat in his room for the next couple of days, and then I started cleaning it. By the time I got through with that I had five laundry baskets and boxes full of papers to throw out, and I had more or less regained my equanimity.

But I still think about things I wish I had done with him. (He’s 25. :slight_smile: )

12

Lol, I hope my mom doesn’t do the same. The last time she’ll see me will be in our home since my college is only ~130 miles away and I’ll take some type of transportation vehicle alone there.

13

Can’t go back in time. But you can look forward. Enjoy the college years.

If possible, still attend all of their concerts, dance performances, athletic events, inductions into honor societies, etc. Also, go to parents weekends. If you find them too crowded, select another weekend to visit.

Send care packages too. It is fun to think of things to include in the packages. I sent packages for birthdays (obviously), Valentine’s Day, Halloween, Easter, etc.

All of these things make you feel closer and almost as if they are still home.

14

There is FaceTime. I’ve talked to my kid weekly.

15

I remember dropping my oldest at camp and my youngest crying for 2 hours straight. Then a few years later I dropped my youngest at camp and I cried for 2 hours straight.

16

Sending care packages with funny things in them was very fun for me.

17

Hang in there. She is exactly where she needs to be. It will be alright. Care packages are an excellent idea, as is FaceTime. Just think of how she will be improving herself by getting an education and she’ll be making lots of new friends and probably already has! Be happy.

18

{{{ Hugs}}}
I so remember how sad I was for the first year that DS [ and only child] was gone to college. Took quite a while not to tear up when walking past his empty room.
It will eventually pass.
Go ahead and cry a lot now.
You’ll feel better soon.

19

Hang in there! I promise it gets better … and then your kid is suddenly 27 years old!!! :slight_smile:

20

^^ as mine will be next week!! :slight_smile: