So, it's my first attept writing essay in 25 minutes.. pleas grade this?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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<p>If you rest, you rust.-Helen Hayes</p>

<p>While Helen Hayes’ claim “If you rest, you rust” holds truth in some degrees, it is not entirely true in reality. In fact, the claim “If you rest (efficiently), you improve” fully reflects the reality. Though rest can be interconnected with laziness and indolence, two examples from recent research and personal experience serve as compelling evidence that the “rest” is crucial for “improvement.”</p>

<p>Recent research has found the correlation between sleeping hours and work efficiency. More than five hundreds workers in company were divided into groups of two and the researchers carefully examined the results whether the one with adequate sleep hours would produce less defective product than the other. The result turned out to be the group with adequate sleep hours not only produced less defective products, but also the work environment was more harmonious compare to the group with lack of sleep. </p>

<p>“Rest” not only provides the physical endurance, but also helps the human brain to function at its maximum potential. From one of my experience, I cannot help, but understand the importance of rest. When I was preparing for my Chinese language qualification test a year ago, I was overwhelmed by the amount of letters that I had to memorize. As the test day became closer, I spent every moment studying for the test; on the school bus on the way home; whole eating breakfast, lunch and dinner; and in a bathroom. I was so preoccupied with studying “every moment” of life; I even put my notes in zip-lock for waterproofing and studied while taking a shower. Even though I had spent entire four months by studying, the result was not satisfying. The score was improved little bit, but it did not fully reflect my four months of diligence and assiduity. </p>

<p>The claim “If you rest, you rust” may be true and non-stop work may hinder one to rust. However, twenty-four-hours of any type of activity without rest will not, as a matter of fact, help one to maximize the potential nor the possibility. In other words, adequate amount of rest does not less anyone to rust, but leads to better result. </p>

<p>–I know it’s really crapy essay with bad grammar…
–Any commont will be appreciated. Thank you.</p>

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<p>also, I could not come up with good historical evidence nor the literature examples…? How bad is it if I don’t have an example from literature? :(</p>

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<p>Here are some thoughts:</p>

<p>Intro Paragraph: Fine. Not bad, but not excellent either. Use some big SAT words like deleterious.</p>

<p>Body Paragraph 1: “Recent research has found the correlation between sleeping hours and work efficiency.” Okay, this essay is not meant to be a research paper. Did you just have this in your head, or did the essay prompt have this info? Either way, readers probably won’t want to read this, because they’re looking for your own thoughts. They’d rather read reflections from your own experiences than from reported studies.</p>

<p>Body Paragraph 2: “‘Rest’ not only provides the physical endurance, but also helps the human brain to function at its maximum potential.” Okay, but your personal experience incident does not support this statement. Where in your essay does it say that if you got better sleep, you would have done better? It’s hard for readers to agree that rest will lead to maximum potential, because you did not give an example where rest does in fact lead to maximum potential. You gave an incident where you got little sleep and didn’t do as well as you had hoped. </p>

<p>Conclusion: Because your examples were not good, readers can’t really believe what you’re saying.</p>

<p>Overall, this was a poor essay. </p>

<p>You don’t absolutely have to have an example from literature or history. But you may want to keep in mind that when Helen Hayes (whoever she is) said that “When you rest, you rust,” she probably didn’t mean “rest” in the literal sense, just as she didn’t mean “rust” in the literal sense. </p>

<p>I think that the quotation means that if you slow down, you will “rust.” Now you can probably find some examples from history or literature. Can you think of some examples where when one (person, company, army, whatever) slowed down, one’s hopes crashed? </p>

<p>You used the word “rest” in the literal sense, and that hindered your essay from being better. If you had used “rest” figuratively, you would have had a lot more to say.</p>

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<p>so is my essay like “score 2 out of 6”??
yeah…thanks for comment…I really need practice…</p>

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<p>thats not a poor essay at all. it seemed really well-written to me. I have written essays that are similar, some a bit better, some a little worse and on the sat i usually get a 10, and on the ACT i usually get 11’s. the word choice you use is great i think, and your thesis flows excellently. </p>

<p>when dchow08 says your examples are not good, he is utterly wrong. You used research and personal anectode. What i would do is cite your research to make it seem more credible. ultimately everyone is going to have different examples because we all live differently, some examples are better than others. the sat isn’t there to analyze your examples, cuz on one essay you kno more, so you’ll have more and better examples. so don’t listen to the guy abovve you. </p>

<p>lastly, you don’t have to use an example from literature or history, but if you have one allusions are great. </p>

<p>good job and keep up the good work, although writing isn’t very important</p>

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<p>btw i would rate this a 10/12 on the cusp of an 11</p>

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<p>thank you all for great and excellent comments! I really appriciate it. Both help a lot.</p>

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<p>I think it is a good essay…you just need a bit more practice. Try to bring in things you know (like the thing about the Chinese test)! For gods sake, I talked about Gossip Girl on my SAT writing thing. The point about these essays is that they want to see YOU not some big fancy argument that leads to nothing. Stop trying to be completely stiff and trust your instincts. =] </p>

<p>Modern novels are fine as long as you don’t go overboard. Give a short intro into the book like, “In the *****y Ivy-obsessed world of Gossip Girl,” to give your reader a look into the book without needing to read it. Make your example short & sweet so that you can give more examples and have more time to think.</p>

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<p>i think you started off well until the paragraph about chinese writing. I thought that the paragraph was weak because it had little relevance to your thesis and was not explained clearly…overall the essay was not bad…it justs needs tuning…i guess we’re in the same boat…writing takes pratice ugh…
8/12 imo
i appreciate if you check my essay <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=378176[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=378176&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>imho, 9…</p>

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<p>Well, I’m quite a harsh grader, so I’d give it an 8, at the very most 9. </p>

<p>Practice, practice, practice!!!</p>

<p>To quote Edison, “Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.” It’s such an inspiring quotation, I just had to post it–let this guide your SAT studies.</p>

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<p>my only complain would be use more transition instead of semi colons. I find that too many semi colons becomes hard to follow. And also try to conclude your body paragraph with some thoughts that relates to your thesis. But both of these complaints are pretty minor. Good essay essentially. 8-10 probably.</p>

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<p>i like it very much. but the longer the better.</p>

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<p>Thank you guys!</p>

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<p>I would give the essay a 9-10. I thought the introduction was absolutely terrible but the rest of the essay flowed nicely.</p>

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<p>2 out of 12.</p>

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<p>rosh420–are you serious that my essay is 2/12?? which area do you think that I need to work on?</p>

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<p>I wasn’t being serious. I would give this a 9. At most, 10.</p>