Okay, so in like 11th grade I was exploring careers and found out about occupational therapy. It seemed like a good job to me, get to work with kids, make good money, only a master’s degree required (versus Phd). My passion was in psychology but my mom told me that the world didn’t need any more psychologists and the idea of getting a PhD was so terrifying to me. I’m from a small town and all my friends just wanted to be moms and I knew if I got my PhD I wouldn’t be able to start a family until I was almost 30 or later.
So for college I only applied to accelerated OT programs or schools that at least had a masters program in OT. I ended up going to BU because their grad program is number one for OT. However, I’m a junior now and am very confident that I don’t want to be an OT. The work involved just doesn’t appeal to me and all the OTs I’ve met seem exhausted and sort of miserable. I shadowed an OT and didn’t like it.
However, I work in a psychology research lab and have really become immersed with the psych faculty at BU. I really enjoy research and have been told I have great potential. I want to continue to work in research and to eventually get my PhD in developmental psychology or clinical psychology. When I think about that prospect, I feel genuinely excited about my future. With OT I don’t. Plus PhDs are funded, so I won’t be paying off loans for the next 20 years of my life.
I’m home for spring break and my parents are asking me what OT schools I’m thinking of applying to and I just keep walking away or saying I don’t want to talk about it. Regardless of what my parents say, I’m definitely not going to OT school, but I just feel so so nervous to tell them. How should I go about this? What sort of responses should I expect back? Please, any advice to help soothe my anxiety…It’s not like all my life my parents wanted me to be an OT, I mean I technically set this expectation, but it’s become an expectation nonetheless.
Consider suggesting that they read an interesting post on College Confidential by Tkat97. (Also, consider writing in bold the last sentence of the third paragraph.)
Not really, I will have about $25k of loans after undergrad but I saved a lot of money on school compared to my sister. Eventually I will be able to pay them back. Last semester was actually free for me as the study abroad program I enrolled in was really inexpensive.
What do you think your parents are worried about? That you won’t be done school until your late 20s/early 30s? That they think it’s safer to have a professional designation as an OT for employment? That you’ll be ‘poor’ for 5-6 years through grad school?
I didn’t go into college thinking I would go on to a PhD. Me and my parents thought that at the end of college I would be entering a health profession, but I found my passion after sophomore year, and discovered I had a real talent for something I enjoyed enough that it didn’t feel like work. Now I can’t really imagine being happy doing anything else.
Clin Psych programs from what I know are incredibly competitive, especially funded ones. But if your current research advisors are supportive and encouraging you to apply, you probably have a good shot. You should lean on them for advice.
In the end, my parents were just needed to be convinced that I had a career plan. They didn’t go to college, so they just didn’t know a whole lot about what people do for a living other than the things that are widely portrayed in pop culture. I told them my PhD would be fully paid, and that there were a range of careers (academia, industry, government) that require a PhD in my field, and these are highly paid jobs. I also won’t be starting a family until my 30s, and I know my parents are concerned about that, but family is never a guarantee anyway. I could have started working out of college and still not have that part of my life worked out. I guess maybe my parents are worried that I’m too well-educated, which somewhat alienates my extended family, but they’re more proud of my accomplishments than anything.
Also, even with the meager grad student stipend, I was able to save about 5-10k/yr living in the 2nd most expensive area in the country, so you just need to not go to too many happy hours… (I didn’t have any college debt) It’ll also make you seriously appreciate your first paycheck after grad school.
This^^^^
Your parents want you employed such that you can sustain yourself.
What are you going to do and what does it pay? How many jobs are in this area?
Have this answer ready.
If your current plans fall through, you could also be employed as a school psychologist.
I was away at college at the time. Just called home and told them I wanted to apply for PhD programs. Had answers ready for all the questions - how much does it cost, what are you going to do with yourself after, how likely it is I’ll get in, what I’ll do if I don’t get in, etc. I think they kind of suspected anyways because I was working as a research assistant every summer.
You are the only one who has to live your life and do your career. You definitely don’t want to be stuck in a career you don’t like because you are afraid to talk to your parents. Your parents will get over it (and if they don’t, that’s their problem). Also, your mom is wrong: there’s a shortage of mental health care practitioners, although whether or not you fulfill that shortage depends entirely on what kind of specialty you enter and what kind of community you work for.
I don’t think you have to make this a grand production. The next time y our parents ask you what OT schools you’re thinking of, just respond honestly: “Actually, none. I’ve decided I don’t want to be an occupational therapist anymore…I shadowed an occupational therapist and did a lot of research on the career field and I just don’t think it’s for me.” You can choose to provide them with more information if you think it’ll help: “I’ve been working in a research lab for X time and my professors think I have a promising career as a researcher, and I really love it! So I’ve been considering pursuing a career as a psychological researcher.”
I don’t think you have to have it all laid out - knowing exactly what you’re going to do, how much it pays and how many jobs are in the area. The problem is not with you or your uncertainty; it’s with others’ expectations for yout o have your entire life figured out in your junior year of college. There are TONS of students who don’t know what they want to do by then - or even slightly later - and figure themselves out. If you asked ME what I wanted to be doing 2-3 years from now, and how many jobs are in the area and what they pay, I’d tell you point-blank that I don’t know. You’re always going to be figuring out your next steps kind of as you go along, and it’s kind of unrealistic to expect a 20-year-old to have all of the answers before she’s even had the opportunity to try things out.
Also - I say this as someone 31, almost 32 - your late 20s actually isn’t that old, lol. Starting a family in your late 20s or early 30s isn’t the end of the world and is actually really common these days, as both men and women get more education and choose to establish their careers before having children. You’re not necessarily missing out on anything by waiting until you’re closer to 30 to have children. (And also…you could choose to have children before you finish a PhD, if you want. I have several friends who had kids before or during their PhD programs.) I always just remind myself that Michelle Obama had Malia and Sasha at age 34 and 37, respectively.
My wife and I are both professionals. She’s a pharmacist and I am an attorney/MBA. We started our family late. We had three boys back-to-back-to-back, when my wife was 39, 40, and 41, respectfully. I don’t necessarily recommend waiting this long and it doesn’t work out for everyone, but it’s been awesome for us. Now I’ve been haunting College Confidential starting with my oldest son’s college admission process and now through his successful PhD applications. Our next son will likely head off for a Masters degree in engineering or med school. It’s too early to tell for our college sophomore.
I would NOT assume you can just have kids at 39. For most women that is not possible. But shooting for your early 30s will generally work out.
Regarding telling your parents, be sure you mention that PhD programs are funded, so they won’t have to pay. I’d just say that now that you have gotten further into OT study & shadowing, you’ve realized it isn’t the career for you. Fortunately, you have a plan you are excited about. You can still graduate in 4 years, so their cost won’t go up.
@intparent - I did not assume anything and in fact said that “I don’t necessarily recommend waiting this long and it doesn’t work out for everyone.” Let me put it the other way, I would not recommend waiting until a woman’s in her late 30s to start a family. I agree that late 20s or early 30s would be best if Mom wants to finish graduate school first and get started on a career.
I was speaking of our experience. My wife was almost 36 when we got married. We understood that there were no guarantees, but if it worked out for us we would not say no. My point was that children later in life, even as late as ours came, are a blessing. I can’t imagine our lives without them.
I would go further and see that this is irresponsible advice to even bring to the table for a poster who has made it pretty clear that they want kids. Women’s fertility drops off dramatically after 35. You were very lucky, maybe you don’t know how statistically lucky you were. Just want to make sure the OP is not misled.
“You are the only one who has to live your life and do your career.”
Exactly right.
“the world didn’t need any more psychologists”
Actually, the world does need more psychologists. Depression is a very common illness. The enormous stress that the US education system puts on its students probably makes depression and anxiety even more common. Over the last few years (or even decades) the medical profession has gotten a lot better at dealing with depression. However, there is still a long way to go, and a lot of research to be done and improvement to be made in treatment methods. As one example, the connection between genes and mental illness and optimal drug therapies is something that is only beginning to be slightly understood.
Also, most students change their major after they start in university. This is quite normal.
I don’t know your parents, and therefore don’t know the best way to approach them. It is normally a very good idea to pick a time when they are in a good and calm mood, and try to stay calm throughout the discussion. Good luck with this, but if one of my kids told me that they wanted to make this change I would say “okay”.
@intparent - “irresponsible advice?” Apparently I hit a nerve. Let’s hope that the OP’s reading skills are better than yours seem to be. Nowhere did I recommend waiting until age 39 to start a family. I am well aware of the fertility statistics and that we were blessed. Again, my point, agreeing with @Juliet, is that a prospective graduate student can start a family later in life. I posted an extreme example, but in no way did i recommend or advise waiting until age 39. Sheesh!
It’s your decision. If you don’t like occupational therapy now, you definitely won’t be happy doing it 8 hours a day for the rest of your life. Just have a frank discussion with your parents and tell them this is your decision. Let them know that you have ambitions to go to graduate school and get a practitioner’s license. OT is only one occupation out of hundreds of thousands. It seems narrow-minded to be limited to just that profession.