Statistically, my son is in a population of which 15% commits suicide. He’s stable now but I worry about him.
@JZMOM2 , so sorry.
Your post is just gut wrenching. I can’t think of anything worse, and I am so sorry for your loss.
@JZMOM2 I’m so sorry
I fully expected to lose my older brother to suicide. (He passed away, but he did not take his own life.) My good friend has a son that she feels will most likely end up choosing to take his own life, and she appreciates the fact that she can talk honestly with me about it. I understand.
One of my former coworkers lost her son to suicide, and she never saw it coming. I will never forget her pain. I am so sorry for anyone who has lost a loved one, particularly a child, this way.
So sorry @JZMOM2, Kelsmom and mainelonghorn and compmom.
Wow.
@compmom, my father, too. But my parents had been long divorced and he was not a regular part of my life. His issues were obvious and we couldn’t work magic, no one could. Still, I remembered my teenaged harshness toward him.
I eventually found a form of positive imagery, the belief in a love between us and forgiveness. It came from the writing of a psychologist whose son was profoundly disabled, could never speak, died. In her case, it was a dream in which he spoke lovingly to her and with gratitude.
That may have been an unexpected dream, but I believe we can create this, ourselves. This sort of process may have a name, but I don’t know what it is. It can be very soothing. I wish it for all who suffer.
I lost an uncle to suicide. I was very young and didn’t know him well. He was 40 and had a wife and 4 very young children. It was very, very rough for the widow. My dad stepped up and helped her (his SisIL) go back to college to get a degree so she could support her household. She never remarried.
Losing a child to suicide would be especially excruciating!
I, too, can’t imagine anything worse and my heart goes out to you parents who are living this nightmare.
H and I have long believed that we would lose our middle child that way. Ironically, the pandemic may have saved him. He’s realized that life is important and he wants to be around to have a voice in the current protests and the upcoming elections and the healing process. He’s spent more time talking and interacting with me, H and his siblings in the past 4 months than in the 10 years preceding. While I still fear and worry for and about him, I can’t help but see how he is actually thriving in the adversity and chaos of the current world. I pray that his current mindset is a permanent one.
I pray for peace of mind and heart for those, including Lisa Marie Presley, whose birth I remember, who have lost loved ones.
Hugs to you all.
One of our friends’ son lost his battle with depression last year, as his father had done about 4 years prior. At the funeral, his roommate gave a speech about stigma and blame and then said “He wanted to stay. He tried to stay. He fought for you, for his mom, for us. And he was strong. But his illness was stronger” and I have never forgotten that
My BIL gave an eloquent speech at his son’s funeral, directly confronting the subject of suicide. I will never forget that, or my sister telling her son goodbye.
My sister committed suicide right after her husband asked her for a divorce. I had to tell my parents. They were never the same and I feel it took years off their lives. Many years later I still dread 4th of July weekend.
My D15 has been at risk for years and had a couple of attempts. She is finally doing better and has a 4 month old. I will always watch her carefully and worry. My S17 distanced himself from her because of all this.
This thread makes me choke up with sadness, but also I’m really appreciative.
I was feeling so alone and helpless when my D went through depression and self-harm. I slept in the hallway in front of her door at night thinking I might not see her alive the next morning.
It was many years ago but I still worry about her.
I feel less alone reading all the comments here. Thank you for your stories.
This is how I think of suicide that occurs after long bouts of depression. It is an illness like cancer - sometimes the chemo or surgery works and the patient goes on to live a normal life span.
But sometimes the depression and illness come back and the meds, therapy, in-patient, etc just can’t fix it, as with cancer.
I think generally speaking, most suicides are years in the making. That is why I especially hate when people say, “But he/she had so much to live for,” as if having a job and family means you can’t get depressed.
I don’t share this often, but my father (I didn’t really know him) committed suicide, And my mother tried and almost succeeded, when I was about 5 years old. Depression runs in my family (along with dementia, but that’s for another thread).
I have never felt suicidal but I do worry about my boys, especially the one who doesn’t talk to me much and holds everything close.
Hugs to you all 
Oh, so sorry @1214mom .
One thing to keep in mind. Please do NOT ask a parent, “Do you know why he did it?” It’s none of your business and it’s a very painful question. I learned this from my sister. She hates that question.
I cannot imagine having the gall to ask such a question of a grieving parent. But some people just have no filter I guess.
@Nrdsb4, she got asked it pretty frequently.