Depression runs in my family–a cousin of mine, and a cousin of my father’s, committed suicide. My father didn’t, but his self-medicating with tobacco and alcohol led to an early death.
My sister has been depressed for many years. I know she’s been on the edge of suicide several times. She says her promise to me not to has kept her from it. I actually only believe I made her promise to talk to me if she was feeling suicidal, (the other seems presumptuous, but maybe I did ask that) but so far, whichever it is, she is still with us, thankfully.
Mine had a diagnosis that put him at similar risk. I remember thinking, “He’ll be okay, we’ll make sure he’ll be okay.” He died of an accidental drug overdose six years later. We did think he was doing okay, but he wasn’t. He died more than five years ago. Now, I’m the one who is not okay…and I know that I’ll probably never be.
@EllieMom , I am so sorry. In addition to my brother who I worried would commit suicide, I had a brother who struggled with addiction. He died of an overdose while my parents were still alive. I know how difficult it was for them … there are no words to make it better, but please know that all of the parents here are lifting you up in our thoughts.
@EllieMom - Thank you for sharing this with us. I am so sorry for your loss, and hope that there is joy and peace and love for you now and even more in the future.
My nephew committed suicide five years ago. There was no doubt as to his cause of death, yet my sister continues to insist that he died of a heart attack. Sadly, her and BIL’s operating mode had always been to “sweep everything under the rug” because “what would people think?” Their son never felt he had a safe space where he could talk about his struggles and get support. It breaks my heart.
I have a friend who lost her 3 precious young children when the carpool driver slid into the path of a tanker truck during a sudden snow squall. She and her husband have tremendous faith in God, which is what got them through, they say. They had such concern for the driver, not wanting her to blame herself. Just unimaginable loss. They are the most caring, loving people, and they run a grief support group for other parents. They adopted another child several years later, and started a foundation to provide education for girls in several countries. I am continually in awe of their strength.
Grief support, the right counselor or group for you, can be so helpful. It’s not just embarrassment about others finding out. It’s partly that so many others do not offer the level of compassionate understanding the bereaved may need. That’s not the griever’s fault or a free will choice. It can be self protective.
I said my father died of heart issues. It was the simplest way to not discuss it with people not able to discuss it with me in any meaningful way. I didn’t name suicide for many years. (It really wasn’t the business of others.)
I have a friend whose adult son (late 20’s, I think) was found dead of an overdose last weekend. Don’t know if it was purposeful or accidental and not asking. When she called to tell me the next morning, she did say he was self-medicating and that he had some of her problems. He wasn’t seeing any kind of professional. I do know she suffers from depression.
Her silver lining is that her daughter and new granddaughter flew in and are staying with her for another week. (First grandchild.) It will be tough when they go home. She may then look for a support group, non religious. I will ask my synagogue if they can suggest any such local organization, but are there any national ones I can recommend if she asks for suggestions?
@marilyn a good local hospice may have support groups open to all who’ve lost a loved one.
Here, the hospital had a phone number that actually went straight to the hospice grief support center (not affiliated with the hospital. And a nonprofit. ) The Samaritans may recommend in some areas.
Often, we think support groups are all grief/all the time. But as one first gets their breath back, the mutual support is remarkable.
