Remember, OP hinted the Dad doesn’t share her direct problem-handling style. So I’m inclined not to blame Mom. I’ve been there, where Dad didn’t have the same sort of foresight. I’m fortunate my girls recognized the different parenting styles.
And OP has been "urging"her son to work with an attorney. Supposedly, one is engaged, though it doesn’t sound like Son has made much use of him.
My suggestion that I would have consulted an attorney was not about asking for “hypothetical” outcomes. It’s about learning what you can from someone both trained in the law (the practice of legal thinking) and versed in local practices. In some cases, that’s what a consult does cover, depending on the issue.
We do understand you may be left to pick up the pieces, grandscheme. This isn’t a simple situation. But it may help to stand back from looking at his situation and look at your own. Mom to Mom: you’re getting trapped in a no-win, where you urge him to do what makes some logical sense and he, in effect, says, “No, I won’t be logical or forward thinking about this.” You’re between a rock and a hard place, where you may be left to pick up the pieces, later. So sorry.
I get that your mind has jumped to the future consequences. Imo, you are right to be deliberate, when you meet, some no-nonsense “if-then” talk. But you will be helped if you do know what your own limits are. I.e., where you will draw the line if he doesn’t do what he can to self advocate in a reasonable way. (I have more I can say, but don’t want to put words in your mouth, at this point.)
The son needs to at least consult with a lawyer who specializes in theses issues in the right jurisdiction. NOT doing so is irresponsible.
The daughter needs to get paid. She worked, and did the job. She is entitled to compensation for this. I’m not a labor relations lawyer, but this is a labor relations issue that will easily get resolved if she says she is going to file a complaint. @MomofWildChild am I correct that this kid should be paid? And that the state labor relations board should agree?
She should be paid and there is a strong argument that even if the DUI from 8 years ago is revealed, it is not relevant to the duties or close enough in time to be considered as a deal breaker for the employment- ESPECIALLY after the work has been completed. There has to be more to that story…
I don’t think anyone is disputing that the woman should be paid for her work. Some are hoping that a woman in her mid-twenties would realize that too and pursue the matter accordingly, but maybe if she doesn’t need the money, it is not worth it to her to pursue the matter.
“Some are hoping that a woman in her mid-twenties would realize that too and pursue the matter accordingly, but maybe if she doesn’t need the money, it is not worth it to her to pursue the matter.”
Let’s be honest here. We are giving advice as women in our 40s, 50s, 60s. In our 20s, I’m sure many of us would have been less forceful and determined in dealing with a situation like this. With age, comes tenacity and a willingness to speak up.
@doschicos You are definitely right there. I remember more than one crying session with a boss in my first corporate jobs post college. Young and daunted. I was a great employee, just did not have the iron b*** I have today.
There are literally thousands of young lawyers her age, who could argue this case in court for her (or defend the company). No need to infantalize capable adults. Encourage her to pursue it on her own.
As an attorney, I highly recommend that you slap your son upside the head (figuratively, not literally) until he agrees to speak with the attorney. You don’t have to speak with the attorney and, in fact, I recommend against it because the presence of a third party in the room can, in certain instances, constitute a waiver of attorney client privilege, which means that the DA can then ask your son what he and the attorney spoke about he will have to answer.
Good luck. I have sons the same age as yours and their level of inability to articulate a vision for their future is scary.
@grandscheme I am still worried about whether you are getting the full story or an accurate one. Your son said the mj weighed a gram? A gram is the contents of a Sweet n Low packet. Tiny, probably seeds and stems left in a baggie. If that IS really accurate, most prosecutors would scoff at convicting someone for that amount. A good attorney might be able to negotiate a dismissal upon payment of court costs or similar in many jurisdictions in TX for a gram of marijuana.
I have no idea how they look at mj possession in Waco but your attorney might be able to handle this easily, especially if the attorney pinky promises that your son will never ever drive through Waco again. As has been pointed out, the practice of law is very local and no one outside of Waco can really advise you of what to expect. There might be an easy solution if your son just asks. He should not write a statement without an attorney though!
Years ago my oldest got a “disorderly conduct” citation in a neighboring state. He wasn’t drunk, had had NOTHING to drink (yet) but was underage and was “in the presence of alcohol”. He was with a group of college students and there was full bottle of booze with seal broken but nothing missing from the bottle. The bottle was in open sight when the officer pulled up to their camp site.
One call to a local attorney cleared up the circumstances behind the “disorderly conduct” (they weren’t disorderly, but it was the least possible cutation the officer could give).The local attorney knew the officer, the court, spoke off the record to the officer, gave us advice on how to proceed to ensure my son completed a successful diversion program, and later did the work for my son to get it all expunged.
A local lawyer who knows the local people and local ropes is worth every penny!
@techmom99 You make me laugh. I’m always threatening to whoop them upside the head. I never do, of course, and it is said in lighthearted situations of feigned parental indignation, but this is a time it could be warranted. I may open our conversation this evening with letting him know that was your suggestion.
@fwtxmom I’ll ask him to clarify this evening. He has a little LD going on so he is more likely to have misspoken than to have some other truth going on. There would be no difference to me or to him if he said 1 gram or 2 ounces. The point is it was weed that he was caught with. I will share with him the emphatic advice about the value of consulting with someone locally.
There is enough openness in our relationship that they had originally planned to go to Mexico and I let him know that if he was caught w weed there, there would be nothing his family or his give could do to help him out. He weakly claimed they would never travel w weed, but we didn’t keep playing that game. I iterated and reiterated this was not the time for them to go hiking in Mexico; that our country has more than enough outdoor spaces. It scares me to think if that had come to pass. I think I will sit him down and make him watch “Midnight Express”.
“There would be no difference to me or to him if he said 1 gram or 2 ounces. The point is it was weed that he was caught with.”
This is one of the best illustrations of why your son needs an attorney. There is a big difference between 1 gram and 2 ounces and in some areas that could be the difference between nothingburger and a misdemeanor versus big deal, intent to distribute (dealer) and felony. Statements like this may also be why your son discounts your advice because as someone who has bought weed, he almost certainly understands the difference in magnitude. It might be helpful to stop talking details with him because it sounds like he’s not sharing and you don’t understand them anyways and instead just back off to reiterating the point that he needs the help of an attorney, which you will help him afford.
"Doschicos: Let’s be honest here. We are giving advice as women in our 40s, 50s, 60s. In our 20s, I’m sure many of us would have been less forceful and determined in dealing with a situation like this. With age, comes tenacity and a willingness to speak up. "
Oh, I don’t know. Once, when I was about 21, I had a guy hire me for a job that was not as represented. I worked two weeks, and then demanded payment. He thought he would get away with not paying me. I had drafted a contract prior to accepting the job and he had signed it. I eventually tracked him down through his grandmother and he paid me to make me go away because my next stop was filing suit.
There are people like me at all ages. And people not like me.
A close family member was caught with pot and arrested twice in Missouri at age 18- we got him a lawyer with lots of drug experience. had to go to NA meetings and pay a fine. What I don’t know is if they pled it down to something else or if he has a misdemeanor drug charge on his record. At any rate, no jail time or probation, even for the second charge.
@TranquilMind You were pretty together for a 21 year old. I don’t know many who would have thought of drafting a contract. You must either be a hot ticket or a PITA at this point in your life!
I had a job when I was 18. It wasn’t as promised and I didn’t feel safe working alone in the shop at night (was promised that would NEVER happen). I quit but still received my wages for all the hours I had worked or I would have sued in small claims court.
There would be no difference to me or to him if he said 1 gram or 2 ounces>
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Therein lies so much of what is going on in this thread, What you think is irrelevant. That your information is interchangeably 1 gram or 2 ounces, means the source is problematical. He told you that the cops weighed it on the spot. Do cops have such sensitive scales and the ability to weigh in the field? Was it removed from the container? Offer to pay for the attorney. And google what weed looks like in different quantities.
It really pisses me off that someone caught with a joint or a baggie of weed would result in such a drain on the legal system (because of some overzealous cops) and yet at the same time the cops would do NOTHING about car break ins that result in thousands of dollars of damage and a major hassles in stolen IDs replacement.