<p>It appears that no one dates. How do people meet, go out? or form lasting couples? In other words- is marriage and dating obsolete or about to become so for the 20 somethings?</p>
<p><em>eating popcorn, eagerly awaiting the answer to this</em></p>
<p>Where I live dating and courtship are very much alive. Of course, I live in Mexico, so it’s probably totally different :)</p>
<p>What makes you think we don’t date? I know a lot of people my age (early 20’s) who date and/or are in committed relationships. Don’t let the media fool you.</p>
<p>Well… D’s boyfriend asked her out on a date after they had spent some time together in a club at school. He took her out to dinner near campus (although she was sick and had to cancel the first night they planned to go, so they went later that same week). Have been an item since (2 1/2 years). They go on dates (movies, dinner, picnics, etc.).</p>
<p>It does seem to me that it is less common to ask someone you barely know on a ‘date’ than it used to be. I can’t quite wrap my head around the way my parents used to date and set each other up on blind dates, etc. My mom met my dad when she had a blind date with his roommate. Today, it seems more likely when they have met in a group setting of some kind and gotten to know each other a bit.</p>
<p>Certainly personal ads have become a new way to meet people. Or you can sign up for “Date Lab” if you live in DC, and the Washington Post will set you up with a blind date and write about it afterwards. :)</p>
<p>^Committed relationships yes. But dating? I haven’t seen any of it. Oldest son appears to be permanently clueless. Younger son does everything with a pack of really nice kids of both sexes, most of whom appear to be unattached.</p>
<p>I’m in the late 20’s and I’d say we definitely date and or get married. Believe me, my friends are all marrying off one by one. I go out for dinners, occasionally a movie, to ball games, etc. We spend a lot of time at home with board games or video games or just cuddling up watching tv.</p>
<p>Internet Dating (Like match.com) is becoming more and more prevalent.</p>
<p>I have 2 girls, they date. They bring guys over for us to meet before they go out - boy comes in the house to pick up, pays for date (first few), and drops off. D1 no longer lives with us, but she’ll have us meet the guy as soon as it gets a bit serious - current BF traveled 2000 miles to meet us after dating for 2 months.</p>
<p>My daughter sometimes has to let the boy know that she expects a date. She gets texts from young men she meets that say ‘what are you up to?’, or ‘wanna hang out?’ She answers them in English, saying well I’m going to dinner and a movie with someone. Or, yes I’d like to do something, when and what do you have in mind? It seems it’s up to the girl to clarify that she will be interested in a concrete activity, not a vague, undefined hang-out.</p>
<p>I think it works a bit differently at different ages. Nowadays, in college, asking someone out on a date is sort of tantamount to saying “I like you a lot. I think it’s probable that we could be a couple. I’m asking you out to let you know I want to move our relationship past the acquaintance/friend stage to something romantic.” You don’t do this until you know the other person fairly well. If the other person accepts, it’s tantamount to saying I’d like this to become romantic too and like the idea of being your boyfriend/girlfriend." Both people seem to go out on a first date with the expectation that they will PROBABLY become a couple. If the person asked–usually, though not always the female–doesn’t want to make things become romantic, she says no to the date. </p>
<p>Back in the Dark Ages when dinosaurs roamed the earth, I might have a date on Friday night with Jim and another one with Joe on Saturday. And, while I was out with Joe, I might run into Jim who was out with someone else too. Nobody felt uncomfortable about that. When Jack asked me to Homecoming and I said no because Steve had already asked me, there was a good chance that Jack would then ask somebody else to go. </p>
<p>I think part of the reason was that back then it was unusual to be “just friends” with a guy unless there was some other connection between you. I might be “just friends” with my roommate’s boyfriend or my brother’s friends or, if I had a boyfriend, with his roommates and friends. But we didn’t “hang out” with big co-ed groups, the way most kids do now, so we didn’t know the young men who asked us out well enough to know in advance whether we would like to turn into a couple. Very few people went on a first date EXPECTING that the other person would become your boyfriend/girlfriend. </p>
<p>Going to an event without a date just wasn’t done back in the Dinosaur Age. And there were events that most people went to. So, if you didn’t have a date for Homecoming or Winter Carnival or Spring Formal or whatever, you just didn’t go. That tended to make you willing to take a chance on a blind date, especially if you could “double” with a girl you knew well and her date. It also meant that the cute guy in your chem class might ask you out. He might not have done that if there hadn’t been a Winter Carnival or a Spring Formal. </p>
<p>As people move beyond college and grad school NOW, it’s more likely that they’ll engage in a version of the dating we did. You and your roommates throw a party and your roommate makes a point of getting her boyfriend to promise to ask that guy he works with she thinks you’d like. Or, yes, you meet through something like JDate. Or you join a co-ed sports league that plays games after work or on the weekends and maybe one of the guys asks if you’d like to join him for a beer after the game. </p>
<p>And it’s hard because one heck of a lot of the people who have coupled off met their significant others in college or grad school. And if you are new to a city–first job–it takes a while to build up a new social network. It’s also hard because it’s harder to get “background info” about the people you meet. You’re less likely to know a lot of people who know that cute guy/gal you met well.</p>
<p>It’s also harder I think because so many young people work absurdly long hours.</p>
<p>I have only one 19-year-old data point, but FWIW: D had a serious boyfriend for a year and half, and they did go on traditional dates – movies, (cheap) dinners, events around town. In addition, they spent alot of time hanging around his house and ours, and going places with friends.</p>
<p>Other than that interlude, though, she hasn’t had a steady boyfriend. In both HS and college, she was/is part of a gaggle of 10-12 kids, including boys and girls in roughly equal numbers. Those guys are “just” friends, although I suspect that there are rotating crushes within the gaggle. I think this sort of thing may be more the norm than when we were in college.</p>
<p>I agree with you, jonri; I think dating now is more of a serious thing, and kids hold off until they’re ready to be serious. In the meantime, they have fun with friends of both genders. Personally, I like this way better. When I was in HS, there was pressure to pair off way too early.</p>
<p>My son called me – CALLED ME – to announce that he and T (a specific girl that he’d been flying around the country to visit and attend events, dances, balls, and parties with) were now <strong>dating</strong>. She had been elevated to “girlfriend status”.</p>
<p>Of course, silly me. I thought that all those above activities – dances, balls, movies, concerts, plays, etc were considered “dating”. Apparently not. Today, it seems, it is not <strong>dating</strong> until you are facebook-official in a relationship and are talking about getting married.</p>
<p>Who knew??</p>
<p>It’s dating when they become FBO – FaceBook Official! ;-)</p>
<p>My daughters go on what the older generation would consider to be real dates. D2 went on a date just this past weekend. A guy who is a friend of one of her male buddies asked her out to dinner. There is all the Facebook and internet dating stuff available too, but as far as I can tell traditional dating is going on out there too.</p>
<p>I remember reading a book (don’t recall what it was) a few years ago when D was in HS and the author claimed that HS students were just hooking up. Supposedly this was in the area where we live. It was NOT true at all in D’s HS. Many, many students were dating and in long term relationships.</p>
<p>I have 19 year old , and a 21 and 23 .They all date !</p>
<p>My S and his girlfriend would go on dates in HS. Now that he’s single at college I don’t know about this phase of his life.</p>
<p>Back in the early/mid 80’s, when I was in college, people rarely dated. Relationships evolved from “the person I hook up with” to calling each other girlfriend/boyfriend. </p>
<p>Even in the gf/bf phase, there were few dates, if any. And, on the rare occassion we had a date, it was “dutch.” Everybody was just so poor that it wasn’t fair to expect the guy to always pay. My mother is still disgusted by that reality.</p>