<p>A lot of threads here about failing parents, assisted living, and so forth. Do you have long-term care insurance? Children who have promised to change your diapers? A healthy, younger spouse? What do you think your own last days will be like?</p>
<p>As for me, I plan to do what my father did: Live healthy and in my own house until a ripe old age, then have a serious heart attack and die within 48 hours. None of this slow fading stuff for me.</p>
<p>Sorry if this is too gloomy, but it is something we all should be aware of.</p>
<p>Just had an advanced health care directive done (along with some other legal papers). I feel good to finally get it done (should have done it years ago). Very Happy, I am in your camp about the slow fading stuff!</p>
<p>My H used to say he was going to die young (ish) but I persuaded him to live longer. Now we plan to go over a cliff in a convertible (a la Thelma and Louise) when we’re 90.</p>
<p>I’ve done some serious elder care and watched too many Alzheimer’s documentaries. If I cannot do what VeryHappy is doing, I would seriously think about ways to hasten the end- stop medications, etc.</p>
<p>It is, though a very fine line to define “a life worth living.” We have a relative who is bedbound, wheelchair bound, needs toileting help, etc. And is not entirely there mentally. I would not want to live my life that way…not the way it has happened to this person, there may be people in each of those situations with a much better quality of life.</p>
<p>I am not sure if I want slow or fast. I adjust to change very slowly and I think I might like a little time to process the idea of my own death, say goodbye to certain people, get my paperwork in order, etc. I am secretary of the family, and although I tell them the 5 drawers in which everything important is located, I am under no illusions how they would fare with the paperwork end of things. Hopefully it is enough years down the road my finances will be more simple and partially turned over to children for ease of transition.</p>
<p>When I say slow though, I want to keep my mental faculties. My grandpa was 90 and sharp as a tack until the end. I think I’d rather by physically infirm than mentally so. Definitely, defintely do not want Alzheimer’s. I watched my grandma slip away for over 5 years and I can’t think of anything much sadder than that process. She was 92 and still not taking one maintenance prescription and had no physical problems, perhaps that made the Alzheimer’s even more lengthy, don’t know. I am petrified of Lou Gehrig’s too. I’m thinking I’d like a slow deterioration of heart or lung function. I know, that’s irrational. There is no good way to die.</p>
<p>My grandfather tried to take an overdose when he didn’t want to live anymore. He was saved. My father had planned to do the same thing, had it become necessary. It’s something I think I would do, if the time comes.</p>
<p>unfortunately, I dont think there is a lot of choice in whether or not you get Alzheimers.
I also suspect that I have it or something similar, because I already can watch 30 rock episodes over again as well as not remember if I ate breakfast or not. ( & I am not old) & I always want to know, how can " they" be worried that people are going to become addicted to ADD medication, if they don’t remember to take it?
So I am reading this.
[Amazon.com:</a> The Alzheimer’s Action Plan: The Experts’ Guide to the Best Diagnosis and Treatment for Memory Problems](<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/Alzheimers-Action-Plan-Diagnosis-Treatment/dp/0312355394]Amazon.com:”>http://www.amazon.com/Alzheimers-Action-Plan-Diagnosis-Treatment/dp/0312355394)</p>
<p>I plan to buy long term care coverage by the time I am 60. H & I have made sure that our families know our preference not to be kept alive by machines. We DO need to get our advanced care directives & wills done. Our parents have theirs all set … it was a huge help when my mom was ill and when she died.</p>
<p>My S says we’re on our own … he’s 18 & thinks he’s funny. D says she hopes to have enough money to put us in a nice old folks home.</p>
<p>My mom had some really awful brain stuff going on. Not dementia, supposedly … but definitely dementia-like … along with higher-order functioning problems, psychoses that came & went, and a host of tremendously awful other things brain-related. The docs at Mayo Clinic were never able to diagnose her before she died. I sometimes worry that it might be genetic … that is a very scary thought. </p>
<p>My good friend is dealing with a second bout of breast cancer just a year after she finished her very aggressive treatments for the first bout. She is fighting like heck, but she is terrified. When I think of her, I realize how awful it would be to be facing the end when the kids are still relatively young. But then I think that there is always some reason to stick around … so is it ever easy to leave this earth?</p>
<p>I have a deep religious faith, so I am at peace with the idea of death … just not with the reality of that idea. The thought of what I would be leaving behind, and the hole it would leave in my family’s life, makes it difficult to even consider.</p>
<p>But we do all leave sometime, and we don’t generally get to choose the time or manner of our exit. The thing I hope for most is not to have to suffer the indignities my mother had to suffer as she died. It was hard on her & hard on her family. I often play her last week over in my mind, and it makes me so sad. My hope would be that whatever happens, my family would not have something difficult to remember about the very end.</p>
<p>I went to the hospital fairly recently for a procedure. When the nurse saw that I had an advanced health care directive she mentioned that as soon as her kiddo became a legal adult she made him get one, as well as a will. She sees first hand how at any age one can get into a car accident, or sadly become gravely ill. It made me feel foolish for waiting until now to finally get my own health care directive done.</p>
<p>A teacher at our local high school lost her husband a couple weeks ago. He went in for a routine knee surgery & died (58). I told my H we can’t pretend anymore … time to face our responsibilities as adults.</p>
<p>A colleague of mine’s husband died of a massive heart attack after shoveling after the post-Christmas storm. 58. Yeah–it makes you stop and think.</p>
<p>Having been through the routine of dealing with very messy stuff regarding a parent who became seriously disabled, we’ve worked really hard to get our lives in a whole lot better order – especially since I saw how much load it put on my much larger family. One of the benefits of having to have dealt with this situation is that H and I have spent a fair amount really talking through the nitty-gritty issues and then documenting them as part of a plan. I know it won’t be perfect – life never is – but at least we’re hoping to avoid anyone having to wonder “did they want to be cremated? buried?” or “did they have insurance?”</p>
<p>garland, I hope you’re not serious. My MIL is 90, and she’s so much fun to have around. She’s still pretty healthy— diabetic, but handled with diet modification, and a weak knee. She still drives, sees her family, shops, enjoys local friends and is really looking forward to attending my son’s wedding,- which we think will occur in a couple of years. She will be very much missed when she goes, and we’re loving having her in our lives.</p>
<p>Oh, don’t worry. There’s a “hey we’re 90 and doing fine” provision to revisit the timing if necessary. </p>
<p>Seriously, my mom’s 82 and doing fantastic–the pact is mostly in existence to convince H he might have to plan for living a whole time (both his parents died before they should have, with Irish resignation towards death, which I needed to jolly him out of.)</p>
<p>And even more seriously, he just got a really good number on a very worrisome re-test today (doc called with news on a Saturday because of level of our concern) and he really appreciates the idea that he’s gonna be around a long while longer.</p>
<p>sryrstress,
You have every reason to be petrified of Lou Gehrig’s/ALS. I’ve had one parent die of that and one die of lung cancer, a non-smoker. There’s not much worse than either of those.
My mother used to tell me to shoot her. I really understand why.</p>
<p>We’ve always had a will, though it’s time to update it with one of our kids as executor instead of my husband’s sister. I work with seniors and it’s astonishing how many of them don’t have wills, let alone care directives. </p>
<p>This is an easy way to get going on planning for the inevitable: [Aging</a> With Dignity](<a href=“http://www.agingwithdignity.org/index.php]Aging”>Aging with Dignity) Their 5 Wishes document is legal in 42 states and costs $5 to order (though you could order 25 or more for $1 each).
Doesn’t help with the whole how to pay for getting old part, but it does clarify what you want in terms of medical care before you (possibly) can’t communicate it any longer.</p>
<p>I’ll admit it - garland’s idea has occurred to me and I can see the possibility of it being the best option at some point. Dying of old age is a very hard way to go. I see the struggle every day in people who have lost their spouses, their health, their mobility, and most of their resources, and are struggling with the idea of giving up the last of their independence. </p>
<p>Between now and then, though, I want to move into a senior apartment complex with step-up care, in a location with a better climate than here (which isn’t a very high bar, believe me). Also want to have 2 kittens to amuse me as an old lady and more grandchildren (even great-grandchildren, if I’m lucky) than kittens.</p>
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