<p>For Christmas/holiday gift giving purposes, that is. We have a large extended family, with many of the younger generation having graduated college already, so I think we are embarking on a new journey. We’ve never done the draw a name gift thing, much to my dismay, so as the family grew, the time and money spent finding that perfect gift for each member grew as well. At some point, like maybe when the “kids” are married and having their own families, do you just send a nice family gift that all can enjoy…candy, board game, etc? I just can’t fathom buying anymore gifts than we already do. Sorry to sound like a Scrooge…really, I’m not!</p>
<p>I’ve often thought that as long as my own kids were in school, unmarried, and spending Christmas under my roof, that “Santa” would likely drop a pretty good load under the tree, and fill the stockings. Now that one is soon going to be living in a far away city, basically on his own, I think he qualifies as an adult, and the silly (yet sweet) traditions of stockings and lots of smaller gifts, might just be coming to an end. Especially since his schedule may not be such that he can be here every year. After all, anything he really wants or needs, he can certainly buy for himself. I am thinking that one or two special gifts which he might not buy for himself might be the way to go. What have you done for your older, but not yet married with families of their own kiddos?</p>
<p>It’s hard to let go of old traditions, so for this last Christmas that I am guaranteed that all of my chickadees will be in the nest together, Santa is bringing quite the haul. Next year…well, I guess we will play it by ear.</p>
<p>I am thrilled that my eldest (and his gf) will be here for Christmas this year- haven’t seen him since his sister’s HS graduation and she’s a first year grad student- so I’m buying more/differently than usual! In the past, I’ve sent him restaurant gift cards, memberships for COSTCO, Netflix, etc.
He’s now told me that they “need” a blender- how exciting, right?! So now I have to determine if I’m going to send the kitchen appliance to their home, which is across the country, and give them additional items here. Can anyone offer advice?</p>
<p>We’re a small family - there will only be four family members (plus a few waifs and strays) there for Christmas. So, to be honest, the child / adult distinction doesn’t really exist for us (though I should note that the youngest is 21!)</p>
<p>Send it to the house, MezzosMamma…flying with a blender in tow would not be fun. Or, give them an Amazon gift card in the amount of the blender, attached to a picture of the blender. That way they can choose the model they’d like and not have to hassle with carrying it home!</p>
<p>Boomting…I was raised in a small family too. It was wonderful. Love my BIG family, but 25 members and still counting has me a bit flummoxed. I’d love to have the time and money to spoil them all.</p>
<p>I figure they are our kids at least until they become parents and then we will enter a new phase. We are thrilled that both will be “home” celebrating the holidays with us, even tho S rents a condo in VA and D rents a room in LA, CA. It’s fun to buy them special things but is getting tougher and tougher to figure out anything that S needs which he doesn’t already buy for himself. I mostly am able to splurge on experiences and pay the bills for all meals & outings while the kids are in town (and when we fly to be with either or both of them).</p>
<p>It’s so precious having the loved ones together for holidays and other special times. Am treasuring all our time together, to tide us over when it’s tougher to gather folks in the future perhaps.</p>
<p>They may be adults, but they will always be our babies.</p>
<p>Though I wish the gift giving thing was over. They don’t want anything, they won’t tell me if or what they do, they don’t much seem to care, but I still feel the need to give presents. So I have no idea what to give them, and money is pretty meaningless for them. I did score well with some nice leather jackets last year, but that was dumb luck.</p>
<p>I made them pillowcases with HI themes, but gave it to each of them shortly after I made them (which is a common problem I have–giving them the gift shortly after I purchase or make). They seemed touched and surprised, as I have’t sewn anything for them since they were in preschool.</p>
<p>I keep looking for things that I think they may like, but it sure is a challenge, especially for S, who earns a LOT more than I ever did at his age and has pretty much most of the things he wants. He has very particular tastes and I am not in synch with him. D can certainly use more things–we will buy her some cross-trainer athletic shoes that she’s been needing for years. Have also picked up a few other things I thought she’d like. It’s somewhat difficult to gauge.</p>
<p>Time together seems the most important gift. We were able to fly D in to be with us and S, and for all four of us to share Thanksgiving with my folks and extended family. (My folks are in their 80s, so time together is especially precious.)</p>
<p>We do a name draw with extended family for the adults, and you get entered in the draw once you turn 18. By extended family, I mean dh’s side, which is now a mom, three siblings plus spouses, seven grand kids plus three spouses, all over 18. Then there are six greatgrandkids. Of course, each spouse buys for their spouse, and siblings buy for each other in some configuration. We all buy for the matriarch and the greatgrandkids. But this way each of us only has to buy for the mom and the person drawn and then immediate family and not every niece/nephew/aunt/uncle configuration.</p>
<p>DD just graduated from college in May. She started a new job and moved into her first real apartment. Sometimes we go shopping and I buy her things she needs. She’s fine with this method and knows there might not be much under the tree… in fact, she wouldn’t even give me ideas for that reason.</p>
<p>We, too, as the op, have a family that did not draw a name but purchased for everyone. My SIL made it very clear that once all nieces and nephews graduated from college the gifts stopped. So I followed that with her family as well.</p>
<p>As far as my other nieces, nephews and siblings, it was basically a gut thing. Haha! When they reached a certain age and were basically set in their life or got married and started having kids of their own or were clearly making a lot of money, etc., gifts stopped. </p>
<p>They also stopped when I never received a thank you note!</p>
<p>I always bought things for my Mom until her very last Christmas. She was my Mom afterall!!</p>
<p>DH’s family does gift-giving twice a year–they celebrate Christmas on the following Saturday, and they celebrate everyone’s birthday on Memorial Day weekend. Each adult (18 and up) draws two names, and the kids receive gifts from everyone.</p>
<p>DH and I have always purchased gifts for one another, our DD, my parents, his parents, his grandmother, both my siblings and each of their spouses, his sister and her husband, all of our nieces and nephews, and a special aunt and her two children. As our family continues to grow and, as the children get older, it’s just gotten to be too much. I so want to really enjoy the holidays this year instead of rushing around. I have told my siblings and my SIL that we will not be giving gifts to them this year and we hope they will consider doing the same for us. I have also told them that we will no longer be gift-giving for any children over the age of 18, and everyone is in agreement. We will continue to give to our parents and, of course, to our DD. If it were up to me, DH and I would simply plan a nice trip to give to one another but, being a bit of a kid at heart, he still enjoys a gift or two under the tree. DD wants us to spend the night at her house on Christmas Eve and do Christmas there. She’s so excited about decorating her house and hosting us. DH and I decided we’re not even decorating this year, especially since we won’t be celebrating here. We are excited about spending our time watching Christmas movies, attending parties, driving around looking at pretty lights, and just relaxing instead of going through the usual hustle and bustle as the holidays pass us by.</p>
<p>This is a tough one and there is really no right or wrong. When we first married, we bought for everyone, but as siblings married and had kids, somewhere along the line we were buying for 30 people. This might be perfectly OK for a lot of folks (and there is nothing wrong with it), but for me it took all of the joy out of the holiday and stressed me out. Am additional issue was that we were the ones who lived “away” so I had to plan for shipping everything, etc. This was in the days before on-line shopping.</p>
<p>We finally decided that we were taking ourselves out of it. We would buy for our parents and also our sibling’s kids and that was it. My family was totally on board (OK, relieved), but H’s family wasn’t happy about it. I told them that they were free to do whatever they liked, but this was what I was doing. We never see them at Christmas anyway.</p>
<p>I really think everyone should be free to do what works for them. If that is no presents or buying for 50 people, whatever makes them happy is OK with me. But I am bothered by the fact that the folks like me who prefer minimal gifts are often labeled “Scrooge” or “Grinch”. </p>
<p>As for my immediate family, we give our kids one larger and more expensive thing (sometimes a trip or something) and I do stockings for H, D, S and D’s fiance. I have a lot of fun doing the stockings.</p>
<p>I entered this thread wondering more on the lines of “When can I stop scolding my DS?” Not to go off topic, but Never mind I’ll take it up elsewhere.</p>
<p>On topic, I have that issue as well as my brother’s kids are mostly married. For years I have given them a can of GS nuts and some smaller “stuff”, in-laws (ie their husbands) get socks. Now, with shipping and time and they are beginning to scatter so I can not just ship one box to my brother, I am really thinking of stopping. My sister’s kids are in their 30’s neither married and she has passed so I feel obliged to give a bit more to them, but the son always got the GS nuts AND home-made cookies with the family recipe PLUS a nicer gift. They will probably still get same, but I am thinking of dropping the socks for the in-laws.
Brother stopped giving my kids anything when they reached HS.
DH’s one brother still gives my kids a gift card, which I think I and DH appreciate more than they do. Last year, DS complained that he’d rather not get it than have to write the 2 line thank you letter I still insist they do. This year I am going to request that if they want to gift the kids… give the food bank something in the kids’ names and call it good. We dropped their one son (who is 40) and his kids after two years of sending stuff with no thank yous returned. Other brother always says he is too poor and has never ever given us any gift for the kids. One year he did come through with a gift of a photo of where DH’s parents were married. (Both are dead) I don’t know why that sort of thing can’t happen every year, but IMHO DH’s family is weird.</p>
<p>My OWN kids are now over 21. My DD was not pleased because we gave her her KitchenAid by leaving it in her room… she wanted it UNDER THE TREE. We had left it out for her because we had taken DS’s to him for use at school because it was close enough to Christmas and after Christmas he would have no way to get it there. We drove down after it was delivered and gave it to him. He is fine with it and doesn’t care if there isn’t anything under the tree. Different strokes for different kids.</p>
<p>Do homemade cookies or cute baskets with treats for the extended family who you see before or on Christmas.</p>
<p>Grown kids - whatever you want and fits your budget. Some parents give help throughout the year when needed but not much for Christmas. You could also use Christmas as an opportunity to buy your kid a tune-up on his car, professional work clothes, a briefcase, etc. (Obviously, fit to your budget: you may buy a gift certificate to Valvoline for an oil change, rather than a new radiator for the car.)</p>
<p>I struggle with this. My Ds are 22 and 24 and one moved across the country. We are paying to fly her home for a week (can’t wait!) and the other one is going on a spring break trip that is part of her Christmas gift. </p>
<p>Every year I say I am going to tone down the number of gifts under the tree but it never seems to happen. For my west coast girl it is difficult because I would have to ship anything big from here.</p>
<p>Extended family is always an adventure. We do a grab that involves all of the adults and kids (all over 18 except for one). We used to have a 50 dollar limit but one family opted out because it was too much so this year (at my suggestion) we decided to do a 20 dollar minimum and people can spend more if they can and want to. I suggested this with the caveat that everyone would be mature enough to handle it if they had spent 40 and then received a gift worth 20. Not sure everyone IS that mature. We shall see.</p>
<p>My mom said it would be when we moved out, but I suspect it will actually be when we become parents… then we will probably get one “couple” gift and the spoils will go to our children instead. My last Christmas at home I requested my mom still wait to put presents under the tree until after I went to bed. We go to visit Christmas morning now and my (young adult) little sister waits to open her gifts until I get there to open together. My mom gets my fiance gifts like he is one of us kids. If there were a large gap between when I moved out and when I started bringing grandbabies around it might have been different, but this is only my second Christmas since I moved out and we will probably have babies by the year after next. In the meantime, I am loving sharing my childhood christmas morning traditions with my fiance.</p>
<p>As far as extended family, everyone but my parents and one of my grandparents stopped giving me gifts several years ago, and there wasn’t really a landmark associated with it-- I was still living at home, still a “kid” in the family, single, still in college, etc. I think most of the other kids my age are actually still getting gifts, but there are some family politics in play there that have very little to do with me. Maybe I am hard to shop for. I don’t mind. It is fun to finally have the means to start buying my own gifts for other people, that is enough fun for me. I think everybody is collectively getting tired of shopping and taking a break before all ten of us start having kids at once and the madness begins again.</p>
<p>^this is what my parents did. I moved away after college and got married soon after. H and I got a check and the grand kids got gifts. </p>
<p>I’m now struggling with a 20-something who makes more than my H and I combined. He is still single so I would feel bad if he had less to open than his siblings. He has very high end taste but is not greedy or unappreciative. I’m wondering when we can back off on the number of gifts.</p>