<p>Hello. 8 yr professional lurker here. Have learned so, so much from this site over the years. Looking for any guidance and advice for D2's BFF.</p>
<p>Background: BFF's mom is on SSDI (bipolar). Dad has alcohol issue (not working). BFF is 20 yrs old. Has middle school age sib. All live in same house. Here's the background:
1. BFF has caught mom withdrawing $ BFF deposited from job into BFFs account (jt account with mom from childhood) several times against BFF wishes (BFF now has own account).
2. BFF caught mom trying to apply for credit cards in BFFs name using BFFs ss # without BFFs knowledge or consent (BFF has since applied for credit monitoring at our urging)
3. BFF paid mom consistently and on time for car ins. Found out mom was pocketing the money after BFF had an at fault accident. BFF now has to pay 10k for damages to injured other driver and for other driver's car.
3. BFF qualified for college loans. Mom told BFF not to take them-she would pay tuition. BFF took tuition reimbursement ins. Went to school on shaky emotional ground. Had emotional breakdown and dropped out but after tuition refund cut off date. Found out mom never paid the tuition. No ins. School went after BFF who now owes school 15k. Appealed and lost.</p>
<p>SSDI issue: Mom told BFF a year ago there was a SS DI issue. Said SS made an "error" and paid benefits for BFF and sib in error. Letters came in mail in mother's name (or so BFF thought). BFF did see a couple of them. BFF was under impression this was mom's issue as mom said not to worry as she would take care of it with SS. Mom mentioned issue from time to time. BFF requested copies of the letters from Mom. Mom said "she'd look for them" but never seemed to produce them. Eventually, Mom told BFF SS cut off correspondence with her about the issue since BFF is of legal age. Still didn't produce any correspondence when asked to do so. BFF began to worry. Finally came to us for help. BFF searched house extensively and found letters. SS demand is for BFF to "repay" 10k. Demand letter is over a year old.</p>
<p>Mom told BFF she is avoiding talking to SS and that if BFF rocks the SS boat, there may be catastrophic results (benefits reduced or terminated, family becomes homeless etc). Mom is telling BFF all negative outcomes from issues outlined above plus any that may result from BFF addressing issue with SS are all BFFs fault. BFF is ripping the family apart etc...</p>
<p>BFF works full time at a just a bit better than min wage job. Trying to do the right things but is feeling very defeated. We have no experience dealing with SS and are unsure if sending her to the local SS office to discuss is the right thing to do. We would very much appreciate any guidance or direction on what BFF can do to address the situation. </p>
<p>Thanks very much.</p>
<p>OB</p>