IME, many people who drink a little too much or a lot too much, want company, and they will notice the abstainers or moderates and call them out. Come join us, come join us…
But once people get used to your new drinking rules, it will settle, and the social pressure will be no big deal.
I have given up alcohol for Lent before and enjoyed the experiment. Last year, I switched from wine to beer and I’m much happier and I drink less. I found that a 12 oz beer (one serving) is way way more satisfying than 5 oz of wine (one serving) — five ounces of wine felt like nothing, y’know?, and I would often drink more than 5 oz.
Don’t say, “no thanks I don’t drink” just say, “no thanks” or “not tonight” or whatever - the first statement could be taken offensively like you don’t approve of drinking.
12 - I read the same article in my local paper. The people who stopped drinking felt left out because they would go on and on raving about their benefits derived from being abstinent... to their wine-drinking friends, it began to feel like lectures on the evils of alcohol.
My parents are teetotalers for religious reasons. My dad travels all over the world to speak at conferences. One time in Russia, his hosts offered him alcohol and he said, “No, thank you.” They kept pushing and pushing and just INSISTED that he have something. It was very awkward. Other than that, I don’t think they have many issues, but they do end up wondering what to do with a lot of bottles of wine that people give them as gifts. Funny story - when I was helping them clean out their house in October, I noticed several shot glasses on my mom’s vanity. When I asked her about them, she said, “Oh, my house cleaner collects them so I buy her some when we go on trips.”
I had a friend who in college would mix a little cola in her Sprite or even water. Looked like a mixed drink. No one ever bothered her. I was only pressured to drink once at an office function. I finally said “I can’t”. Not true because I will drink occasionally. I just didn’t want to at this function. They very quickly stopped asking.
I don’t really care how much other people drink, although some people can get preachy about it, which is obnoxious, IMHO. (Kind of like the vegans/vegetarians/etc.) Also, if you are okay with not going totally cold turkey, you can get a glass of wine and take all night to drink it. Mostly no one is going to be keeping track.
A few of the newer teetotalers in my circle have early morning work out routines, or at least weekend plans to meet a running group or go to cross fit.
But if you are ever pressed to explain yourself, you can simply say that you gave up alcohol for Lent one year and were surprised to find that you felt better physically. So apparently alcohol doesn’t agree with you. And you like feeling better.
If anyone still insists you drink, they’re insisting that you should do something that makes you feel bad physically. And they would know it.
I just would never ask someone why they aren’t drinking. Perhaps they have religious reasons for it. Maybe it’s because they are pregnant. Maybe it interferes with medication. Maybe they are on a special diet. Maybe they don’t like it. Maybe they are hung over from last night. Maybe they had a drinking problem, faced it, and decided to give it up. None of the above is any of my business. It seems so obvious, but from the posts here, it apparently isn’t obvious to everyone. It’s a shame anyone should have to be made uncomfortable about a personal choice that doesn’t affect anyone else.
Of course, we probably have all run into some of the preachy types, so there are two sides to every coin I guess.
My Dad lives in a large retirement community made up of mostly retired military, many of them very active elderly folks. I was so surprised to notice a very “vibrant” drinking culture. I expected that particular community to be far more sedate. I will note, however, that even their liveliest parties seem to be over by 8 pm, lol.
I have friends who don’t drink at all, and others who drink very little. I don’t think I’ve ever gone cold turkey except when I was pregnant, but I cut way, way back when I was trying to lose weight. At parties no one has ever commented when my glasses alternate between seltzer and wine. My younger son doesn’t drink at all and none of his friends ever made a big deal out of it, even when they were underaged and off in the woods. I really think the biggest drawback is that if you are at parties you may notice people get more tiresome as the evening wears on. Your social circles may differ.
I like wine but if I go to a concert or a play or the ball game or, say, choir bar, I don’t drink because I prefer to be in the moment and be fully cognizant of whatever the activity is. No one has ever commented.
Yes, whether the topic of the thread is a problem probably varies a lot based on social circles.
Regarding the bill splitting that I have seen, most of the time, people just pay for their own orders. Where food is ordered family style, the bill split is done for the shared items, with those ordering drinks paying their own.
I very rarely drink and I have no issue with telling that to anyone who asks. Sometimes it can be awkward at first because the person is trying to gauge whether or not you are going to judge them for drinking. But, once they realize that I just rarely drink and I couldn’t care less if they do, it’s not a problem. The thing is, I don’t really know why I don’t drink. I don’t have any religious objections, I’m not pregnant, I don’t dislike the taste, I’m not an alcoholic. I just prefer iced tea or Diet Coke.
If someone pressures you to drink, tell them you’d rather that they pressure you to exercise or eat broccoli. It’s much healthier.
I think I have faced FAR more push back when I have been practicing intermittent fasting (you skip breakfast or otherwise attempt to decrease your eating window-in order to reduce your body’s exposure to high insulin levels). People act like if you don’t eat 21 meals a week (or more), you are engaging in serious self harm. It’s the same kind of thing-WHY is it any of your business???
I have had two drinks in the last 31 years (a sip of champagne at our wedding, and a shot of something horrible as part of a ceremony on our first adoption trip to China). Mostly, people ask once, and I give a brief explanation and they don’t bring it up again.
I don’t drink due to an allergy. Whenever people ask I just say no thanks. Except once. A distant relative of my husband’s kept pestering me at an informal family get-together – asking if I wanted anything, bringing different bottles for me to look at, etc. – until I couldn’t concentrate. I had a huge report I had to finish for work and finally said “No, thanks. I’m allergic.” She thought that meant I’m an alcoholic. I said no, I’m literally allergic and if any food you brought has alcohol in it I really need to know because “I have an allergy.” She finally stopped, but it was annoying. It’s not a mistake I’ll make again.
I never drank. Not in high school, not in college, not as an adult. Nobody cares. On rare occasion, someone may ask why not, but they immediately accept the answer you give. As long as you are confident and happy in your choice for yourself, and not judgmental about the choices of those around you, will be fine.
What is important socially is not what you are imbibing, but whether you are thoughtful, a good listener, etc.
My relative quit alcohol for lent the other year and was shocked at how much better he felt, so he’s mostly given it up for good. His spouse was surprised at first but is happy for him and has accepted it. Mostly he and everyone is happy he feels so much better now.
Out in public, I rarely notice whether someone drinks or not unless they are ostentatious about not drinking, or are alcoholic. I just don’t care.
At home,we always offer nice nonalcoholic drinks, as well as beer and wine, when people come to dinner.If they choose the nonalcoholic drinks, I join them. If they choose the wine or beer, I might have a small glass of wine, but I prefer to be completely sober when I host because I don’t want to get too relaxed and neglect something.
I have to revert to this one: it’s no one else’s business whether you drink or not. Just smile and have your beverage of preference.
I hardly ever drink alcohol anymore, just lost interest. Only maybe at a dinner out. Scratch the surface and you’ll find many who either don’t or have one glass. It’s not some social expectation- or, among your friends, it shouldn’t be.