In my experience, “no thanks” or “not tonight” doesn’t always work. Obviously, most of the time it doesn’t come up at all. You order your drink and that’s it. But especially in celebratory situations, one is expected to partake at least a little. For example, retirement party and we are doing a toast. It’s awkward and in some settings, it is considered rude not to partake. Fortunately, these social situations are rare but they do come up.
I tell people I don’t drink for medical reasons, and I immediately follow up by asking about what they’re having - and then tell them I remember I used to enjoy that drink or wine a lot. It helps puts them at ease, knowing I am not judging them takes away some of the awkwardness that sometimes can come up.
Once my sister-in-law was pestering me and didn’t want to take no for an answer. She really didn’t get it - till my DH stepped in and told her we can’t afford to lose any more brain cells - but I guess if you don’t have any to start you can’t lose what you ain’t got, so go ahead, drink up! His side of the family - bless their hearts.
I will drink on occasion but I have found since menopause I drink rarely. I loved red wine but it makes me hot and I don’t sleep well when I’ve had wine. I have found that a lot of my female friends drink less as we have gotten older. I also would rather save my calories for the bread basket if I’m dining out. Once in awhile someone will say something and I’ll comment I would rather splurge on a higher calorie entree. My H wishes I would be the designated driver when we go out but I have terrible night vision.
Thanks for all the replies!
As many have said, I think this is an issue of who I socialize with. I can only think of a handful of friends who don’t drink at all. Maybe three in total? I think the situation is different for the one who never consumed alcohol to the one that used to drink but stopped. I would be very mindful not to be judge-y/preachy. I couldn’t care less what other people do as long as they aren’t harming anyone (or setting up that potential e.g. drinking and driving). People having a problem with my NOT drinking says more about them than me, I think. I do think it makes people somewhat defensive and/or questioning of their own intake if someone who has historically drank ceases. It seems kinda silly to me to have to order one glass of wine for an evening just to keep people from giving me a hard time.
I like @Marian ‘s idea. Mostly because it would likely be the truth. I gave it up for Lent and felt better so I carried on. I get backlash about not eating gluten, too. Shrug. No, I don’t have Celiac. I just feel better when I don’t eat gluten. But, some people still mock/roll their eyes at that choice as well.
@BunsenBurner - I think alchohol negatively affects everyone no matter the quantity consumed. Obviously, the more one drinks the more negatively one is impacted by it. And, I do think averaging one drink per day (for a woman) is considered moderate per the CDC. Granted, I don’t think that it’s supposed to be calculated on a weekly basis like I have been doing. But, I typically would have two drinks on Tuesday (Trivia night!) and two on Friday and Saturday nights. Can only say that I recently had my annual physical and my blood work was all fine - liver numbers included. But, I don’t really know what that measures. I appreciate your concern but respectfully disagree with your assessment.
Do,you drink those 7/8 throughout the week, or only on the weekends? I do think that makes a difference. I only drink on the weekends when we are out and have found that as much as I like 3 drinks in an evening, it really messes with my sleep and I just feel drained the next morning. So, unless it’s a long evening and I’m drinking a lot of water along with it (the KEY), I limit to 2. I drink when I’m out with friends.
I don’t see why you can’t just drink when you go out and limit it.
Oh, I see your post above. You know, I think it just depends on how much you enjoy it. If you do enjoy that drink with friends, just have 1 on Tuesday nights. On the weekends, maybe just one night. Or maybe just one drink each night. You don’t have to drink every weekend, maybe when you just go out, but not at home. Like I said, a glass of water between drinks is the key.
My d used to date a boy who is an alcoholic. He did not like it when people didn’t drink around him as it showed how much he was drinking. He did not like my H or I because we are very infrequent drinkers. My H maybe has a drink 2 or 3 times a year. The boyfriend when on the very occasional times he came to our state, wanted to spend all of his time at my il’s, because my fil drank every evening and therefore it was easier to cover up his drinking.
My D is on some medication and it affects her consumption of alcohol and she was having stomach pains even with the occasional glass of wine. She’s dating and lots of first dates are meeting for a drink. She wasn’t quite sure how to address this as her ex made her feel bad if she wouldn’t join him for drinks.
This is what I told her. That she should be honest that alcohol upsets her stomach. And if they didn’t understand then they weren’t worth getting to know.
This is what I do sometimes, we have a very lively group of friends and drinking wine is a big part of socializing. I also play a lot of golf and there is an aspect of having a drink. I will get a light beer (usually a Michelob Ulta) and take a few sips but nurse it through the night. Beer doesn’t affect me like wine. I guess I avoid any questions that way. My D does the same when she doesn’t want to explain her situation
My husband just doesn’t drink and will say, no thank you. Doesn’t explain. We have a friend we play golf with who never drinks. I suspect he’s a recovering alcoholic but no one ever says anything ever.
I haven’t drank in nearly 20 years. It’s been a running joke among friends that the will pick up my Diet Coke tab. Only odd comments have been at work functions, it’s happened more than once in my male-dominated work environment, where they ask if I’m pregnant. ?♀️
I will NEVER drink beer. I absolutely cannot stand the taste of it.
It’s never rude to refuse something you don’t want.
Here’s the thing to keep in mind. There is a % of the adult population who just doesn’t drink. Maybe never has or hasn’t for a long time. They have all managed to proceed in adult life and have fun at parties or dinners and still have friends. So if you are worried about the social implications or the peer pressure - well, you’re no better than what you would tell your kids about a similar situation!
I’d be more upset about people who chose not to vote. 
https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohol-health/overview-alcohol-consumption/alcohol-facts-and-statistics says:
In other words, 13.6% of people 18 and over never drank alcohol, 29.9% did not drink alcohol in the past year, and 44.0% did not drink alcohol in the past month.
At our daughter’s Wedding, we were asked to list all the under 21 guests so they could be given sparkling cider instead of champagne for the toast. I asked if I could have that too…and it was no problem!
I have never had to give a reason or excuse about not having an alcoholic beverage…not ever.
If there are glasses being passed for a toast, I take one, and clink it with everyone else at the toast. Then I put it down someplace without drinking it.
In social situations, I just have seltzer or something…and no one seems to notice…or care.
I admit to enjoying my wine-a glass or two on Friday or Saturday. But I do not ever pressure anyone else to drink. We usually serve beer and wine when we entertain and we also have soft drinks available. Our guests make their choices and it’s not an issue.
I have friends who do not drink and I really don’t find it odd or have to ask why. When I go out to eat with people, I will order my wine, but if someone wants water or other drinks I don’t think twice about it. I do not have many friends who would want to have a separate bill. We usually just split it evenly. I do not eat dessert or drink coffee, and if I am out with friends who have wine like I do, I don’t ask them to take their dessert of coffee off the bill.
I don’t know why it would be a big deal for someone to have a soda/water at a cocktail party or dinner. But also don’t judge if someone (like me) likes to have wine with dinner.
7-8 drinks a week is NOT a moderate drinker. How old are you? After 30, I think you’re far more likely to be judged negatively for drinking too much than not drinking at all.
I agree with @thumper1 's approach to toasting when you really don’t want to drink alcohol.
I am not a non-drinker, but sometimes I really don’t like what’s in the glass. I especially detest certain hard liquors, such as the Chinese celebratory drink, maotai. It smells like alcoholic mold to me and I can’t even put it past my lips.
It looks like up to 1 drink a day is considered moderate drinking for women. That is not supposed to be an average over several days. So I guess if you have 1 a day, that’s fine, but if you have 2 each weekend evening, that’s not moderate drinking.
ETA - I usually have those two on weekend nights, and not much during the week. When I recently told someone I didn’t want another drink, I stop at two, the reply was something like “are you really that rigid?” I thought that was odd, but my husband’s family tends to drink a lot.
Folks can underestimate how many drinks they consume. A standard drink of wine is defined as 5 oz of wine with 12% alcohol content. Given that many wines now come loaded with almost 15% alcohol, and those poured at home (and in some restaurants) glasses are bigger than 5 oz, a glass of wine can be anywhere from 1.25 to 2 drinks as defined by the CDC. I am not a teetotaler by any means, I enjoy good Zinfandels and Chardonnays, but I realize that my glass occasionally counts as 2. So I watch what I consume carefully.
Love going wine tastings! Can dump the wine I don’t drink, and no one would say a word.
Interesting that some of you are arguing that 7-8 drinks a week is not moderate drinking. There is no worldwide consensus on exactly how much drinking is considered moderate, but here is something from NIH:
What’s “low-risk” drinking for AUD?(alcohol use disorder)
A major nationwide survey of 43,000 U.S. adults by the National Institutes of Health shows that only about 2 in 100 people who drink within both the single-day and weekly limits below have alcohol use disorder. How do these “low-risk” levels compare with your drinking pattern?
Low risk drinking levels - On any single day: Men, no more than 4 drinks on any day. Women, no more than 3 drinks on any day. Per week: Men, no more than 14 drinks per week. Women no more than 7 drinks per week.
I am referring to this CDC definition which has been brought up the thread: