Some advice from parents would be great

Parent Cafe
1

<p>If any of you parents have ever dealt with this or have any magically therapeutic responses that would be excellent.</p>

<p>I’m going through some pretty tough times mentally right now. I just seem to have very little self-confidence in any part of my life. In high school I was generally a very confident person, always felt like I had a positive future to look forward to regardless of what my life was like at the time.</p>

<p>But after a year of college, my life seems to have turned around completely, and the wrong way. I go to a top five LAC but I only got a 3.29 GPA–unless I can bring that up quickly, there go all of my post-undergrad options. I can’t even find a summer job around here, where unemployment is in the teens and climbing quickly. Nobody wants to hire somebody who will be leaving in two to three months. I live so far away from the financial and political centers of the country that it is difficult to find internships in my area of interest yet still live at home.</p>

<p>I don’t have the financial resources to be able to do things that other students do–travel, volunteer overseas, take summer language classes, intern in Washington, so instead I’m stuck here. I feel like I’m living two lives, one at school that I love with great friends who are amazing people and I love spending time with, and another with a bunch of dead-end losers from my hometown in the summer who would love nothing more than to get pass-out drunk 6 days a week. And these are the so-called ‘best students’ that go to our state flagship and other colleges.</p>

<p>It is becoming ever clearer to me that my high school didn’t prepare me very well considering that I only got a 3.29, something that just makes me even more depressed. I guess I just worry for my future and what I will be able to do with my life. I love the school that I go to and I learn a great deal there, but I am still very insecure about my abilities, particularly when I hear “Why didn’t you get into an Ivy League school” from my family all the time.</p>

<p>Not really sure what the point of all of this is, but sorry about the length and it feels good to get it off my chest.</p>

2

<p>Hmmm…A 3.29 isn’t awful and many students have a rough freshman year. You have not shut out any post grad options yet. Examine carefully your experience in the courses you didn’t get A’s in-- what were the issues? Select classes for the fall with an eye towards the same style of coursework you did well in and don’t be afraid to drop a class if you don’t feel good about it a few weeks in.</p>

<p>Look for money making option outside of the classic summer job-- Can you tutor? Do yardwork? Help people move? Walk dogs? Clean out garages? Think of a few skills you have and advertise them (craigslist, community bulletin boards, mass email to all of your parent’s contacts).</p>

<p>You will be back at school soon!</p>

3

<p>Sounds like you’ve gone through the “bigger pond” awakening. You’ve moved from the tippy-top of the heap at your broad-sample high school to somewhere in the middle of the pack in your uber-selective, uber-achieving college student body. That’s normal. Frosh year anywhere is a huge adjustment; it can take a while to hit your stride. A 3.29 in your first year does not mean your life is over! In fact, it’s darned respectable. It shows you adapted well to dorm life away from home, didn’t lose yourself to the party scene, and held your own academically among top students from across the country and around the world. Congratulations! You’re not in high school anymore. Acknowledge the success of your first year of college.</p>

<p>Now, if you can’t find paying work at home, that doesn’t relegate you to a summer of watching your old pals drink themselves sloppy. How about volunteer work? Any youth centers in your area, or Meals-on-Wheels type organizations? Or maybe your local community college has some interesting classes. Is there a course that would help you come up to speed on something you felt shaky on during your first year of college? Or even something non-academic and totally out of the ordinary, like ballroom dance, auto maintenance, or lifeguard training. If you find something productive and interesting to do with your time, you’ll find yourself spending more time around other productive, interesting people. That should help you get through a jobless summer.</p>

<p>If an internship is what you want, when you get back to your college in the Fall, spend some time making connections at the Career Center and (more importantly) with your faculty. Make it known that you are hungry for summer work next year, and keep your eyes open for internship leads from the start of the year. At my university, the best internships never hit the Career Fairs and job boards – the companies come straight to the faculty and ask for recommendations. You can be the one recommended if you’re doing good, solid work and you’re known to be interested and enthusiastic.</p>

4

<p>A 3.29 is not at all bad for your freshman year. Really. I’m sure you don’t believe any of us, but a heck of a lot of kids get straight Cs, or a bunch of Cs and maybe one or two Bs. A 3.29 is not at all bad for your freshman year!!!</p>

5

<p>Many of the top LACs offer fellowships, research grants and loans so students like yourself have more summer options. Have you looked into these?</p>

6

<p>I agree that a 3.29 is fine for first year. It’s a tough adjustment; that is why some colleges do not give out grades the first year or first semester, just P/F. Now you’ve weathered this period of adjustment, you’ll be better able to cope next year.</p>

<p>Not every college student does something interesting during the summer. Many work in resorts or in supermarkets, paint houses, etc… Also it is not all that common for recent college freshmen to line plum jobs, they don’t usually have the skills to do serious work.
I’m having work done on my house. One of the guys happens to be a rising junior at a top LAC who’s helping out his dad. The important thing for you is to have some structure to your days. Mow the neighbors’ lawn. volunteer at your local library or some other organization, tutor local kids, read the books you did not have time to read during the school year. Get a leg up on next year’s courses by skimming through the textbook if you can. Plenty to do!</p>

7

<p>You are jumping to a lot of very negative conclusions which will only become self fulfilling if you don’t stop! 3.29 and “there go all of my post-undergrad options”? If you really believe that, then no doubt you will find justification for any future failures. Sorry to be harsh but wallowing is not going to get you out of being with “a bunch of dead-end losers from my hometown”. (Everyone is a loser? Come on.) If you want to find other opportunities from now on, you need to create them and stop complaining about not having enough money. Maybe next summer, instead of coming home, you can stay at school and work. You’re projecting a lot of negativity, which will pretty much kill your chances for the life you’re dreaming of.</p>

8

<p>Does your college offer summer residency in exchange for being a summer Resident Assistant in the dorm? (Usually one needs to look into this option in the winter or spring prior to the summer). If so, you could take a course and have a fun, respectable, resume building job simultaneously.</p>

9

<p>…and a 3.29 is a fine freshman GPA - quite respectable in fact…summer course can also assist with bringing up the GPA as you will only be focusing on one or two courses…</p>

10

<p>A 3.29 is very respectable. The fact that you don’t is why grade inflation exists. Every top kid out of HS attending a top tier school expects, and believes, he/she is paying for A’s.</p>

<p>Your gpa IS NOT BAD. It is normal that you feel you have outgrown your hometown after your freshman year. Get some job this summer. Next summer find an internship through your school.</p>

<p>My oldest D came home after freshman yr and worked for a restaurant. She hated being home in this small town. The next summer she worked for Goldman Sachs and this summer for JPMorgan , both in NYC and both found through her school.</p>

<p>My youngest D is home this summer, has a job at a supermarket , and does not like it. She spent the time between semesters in Louisianan working on Katrina relief.</p>

<p>So there are plenty of things to do. Make an effort if you really want to get away.</p>

11

<p>“. I go to a top five LAC but I only got a 3.29 GPA–unless I can bring that up quickly, there go all of my post-undergrad options”</p>

<p>That’s not true at all. There are plenty of good options for students who’re even at the bottom of the class of a top 5 LAC. And your gpa is perfectly fine. Most students at top LACs aren’t going to get in college the sky high gpas they got in high school. That’s because they now are surrounded by students who are as smart or smarter than they are. The competition is stiffer. </p>

<p>" I live so far away from the financial and political centers of the country that it is difficult to find internships in my area of interest yet still live at home"</p>

<p>Most students don’t get internships until they are rising seniors, and unless they live in a big city, they probably have to move away from home in order to intern.</p>

<p>“I don’t have the financial resources to be able to do things that other students do–travel, volunteer overseas, take summer language classes, intern in Washington, so instead I’m stuck here.”</p>

<p>Welcome to the real world. You’re doing what most students do over the summer.</p>

<p>“I feel like I’m living two lives, one at school that I love with great friends who are amazing people and I love spending time with, and another with a bunch of dead-end losers from my hometown in the summer who would love nothing more than to get pass-out drunk 6 days a week.”</p>

<p>It’s your choice about whether to spend your time with them. You could choose to volunteer (I bet that your town – with its unemployment in the teens-- has plenty of need for volunteers) or to spend your time researching subjects that interest you or offering your services for odd jobs.</p>

<p>I have empathy for you: I went to an Ivy, and returned two summers to a dead end factory town that didn’t even have a movie theater. By the time I was a rising junior, I’d found a way to work in a big city for the summer, and I never returned home for summers. :)</p>

12

<p>A few suggestions to get you out of this funk and put you on the road to a happier more productive summer.
Look into sleep a way summer camps. Some may have counselors who cancelled at the last minute and may have an opening even at this late date. Are local day camps an option?
Check out the job websites like idealist, monster, craigslist. Always lots of telecomuting jobs listed. A lot of these involve viral marketing but something might strike your fancy.
Use the summer to get physical, take up running, body building, yoga, karate etc. Join the softball league.
Get licensed in something that interests you. EMT, Real Estate, lifeguard
Take a class at the local community college.
If you got into a top school, tutoring may be an option as your test scores were probably way above average. Can you put up signs at the local grocery store?
Volunteer at an animal shelter, nature center, church, library
Work on a creative project like a short film, a website, knitting, wood working.
Look into contests in your area of study if that’s applicable. Cash awards may even be a possibility but recognition may also be worthwhile.</p>

<p>Good luck finding something inspirational or financially worthwhile in the months to come.</p>

13

<p>Hi again, just wanted to say thanks for all of the advice and let you know what ended up happening.</p>

<p>I found a job working at a distribution center for a large corporation for the summer–nothing too glamorous, but it pays the bills for my next year of college and I am grateful that I was able to find that. While I am certainly ready for the summer to be over, I am a lot less anxious and worried than I was previously and I must admit it feels good to have some time to sit back and contemplate things.</p>

<p>I probably went a bit overboard with the whole “all my options are gone” stuff, but I was feeling rather depressed and hopeless in light of the ambitions that I have for my future. I have always pushed myself, hard, but have never dealt with failure on this level before, and I think that may have been a tough reality. That being said, I am committed to getting myself back on track this year.</p>

<p>Thank you all again for the help, it really was much appreciated and was valuable in getting me through a rather difficult and irregular time in my life.</p>

14

<p>That’s great news, lbj! Best of luck. :)</p>

15

<p>lbj:</p>

<p>Thanks for the update! I’m glad you found a job for the summer.
My S did not have stellar grades in his freshman year, either, but he’s headed to a top grad program. The important grades were those in his major. He probably also got great recommendations.</p>

16

<p>Glad things worked out, lbj.</p>

17

<p>Thanks for taking the time to update us and to express appreciation for our replies.</p>

<p>Glad things are looking up for you.</p>