<p>A situation is annoying me and I don’t know how to react to it. As I said before, my D decided to end a long-term relationship many months ago. Usually time heals, but it seems that not in this case. My D still has her feelings for this boy (he is no longer a boy), but she made the right choice, and she is in peace with herself about it. Even when that guy was like another son to us, we got used to not having him around and it feels a very comfortable situation, but here is the problem: his parents don’t accept the fact that their son was dumped by his girlfriend and they don’t give up. They made sure to notify everyone in town that their poor S is failing school because of my D, that he was savagely dumped without warning. I really don’t know why they act this way and it’s hurting me. They know his boy had emotional problems since he was a little boy, that he had therapist for a long time, that he was in special education for learning disabilities since junior high, and they also know that he received the honor roll few months after he started dating my D and he stayed in there until the last period of senior year; and also that he scored 370 points higher in the SAT thanks that we helped him with his studies for months. It is not like he was a perfect student and he went down after the break up.
Should I talk to them? They should move on, we can’t be like cats and dogs just because two teenagers weren’t getting along, and it wasn’t that either, the boy made wrong choices once he started college by befriended the wrong group (partying binge drinking-low GPA frat guys) and he started to be aggressive every time my D disagree with what the group was doing.<br>
The boy’s parents are senior citizens, they already have grandchildren from their middle age daughters, so they should be more experienced than me in these “break-ups”. Why I’m ok with that and they not? I could understand if the boy has been alone and depressed, but he is not, he has been going out with at least ten girls since then. I know he is having again a terrible time studying, he dropped some courses and failed others, but that isn’t my D’s fault. Why they still blame her?
We volunteered for years in a building program, and we love do it every summer, but this family organizes the working groups and last year our applications were withdrawn and this year they didn’t accept them. I almost sure my D is not getting any scholarships because the boy’s mom is in charge of them. Should I say something about it? My D is the only one who qualifies for two of the HS’s scholarships and everybody is joking about “wonder who is getting it”, it would be a surprise if those two were declared deserted.
Thank you all of you for listening, I feel much better now that I vented out what was inside me.</p>
<p>I would not recommend talking to them.</p>
<p>Reasonable people who hear about this no doubt understand that your D is not responsible for the boy. If the scholarships are handled in an obviously unfair manner, people will also understand who is responsible for that. In that event, if it seems appropriate, you can approach the principal of the school.</p>
<p>This is such a hard situation. But I’ve found that there is nothing to be done about the other parents except to ignore them. There’s no reason to believe that talking to them would do any good, and you would just leave feeling more frustrated than ever. And then the conversation would be more fodder for them to use against you.</p>
<p>While it’s really hard, if you can take the high road, keep living your life as if nothing is going on with them, be cordial when you meet and refuse to engage with them (“Oh, I’m sorry you feel that way.” Nothing more; repeat as necessary if they bring anything up - it’s really hard to argue with someone who won’t argue back), the issues will dissipate more quickly.</p>
<p>As far as the scholarships are concerned, if they are sponsored by the high school, you may want to talk to the principal or superintendent about them. And if your d doesn’t get them, everyone will know why and know how petty mom is. (This may also dissuade her from performing this nasty deed publicly - it makes her look bad. She wants to be a victim; she can’t if she’s the bully.)</p>
<p>Edit: Crossposted with ADad.</p>
<p>Cressmom, I am so sorry you are going through this. I live in a small town populated by some particularly vicious parents. (I still have some ‘battle wounds’ from the years I was a travel soccer coach.) I’ve learned that it’s best to ignore them - like the posters above said, people who know you and your daughter will discount everything they say.</p>
<p>It also sounds like the parents have spent many years playing the “not my kid’s fault” game, which usually ends very badly once the kid gets to college: The parents are no longer there bullying principals, teachers, coaches, etc., to make sure Junior does not have to take responsibility for his actions.</p>