My dad always referred to my mom as “your mother” . It drove my mom crazy. I call my MIL mom but my husband calls my mom by her first name. When we were kids we called close friends of our parents Aunt and Uncle out of respect.
Kids are a different breed. Both of mine are marching band kids, they refer to me initially as Mrs. Last name or, shudder, Mama Last name. All the band kids do it, I’m not sure if that was somewhere suggested to them or what. I don’t know why I hate the later. I just say call me First name. Hey if you’re going to be spending that kind of time around me I appreciate the respect but formality isn’t necessary.
The toddler of our next door neighbor called my wife “grandma” not long ago. This was the first word he uttered to my wife (he’s just learning to talk.)
(Of course, my wife did not understand that word which was spoken in Indian. She asked his mother what it means. I think it is out of the respect. I later checked it with our Indian coworker, and was told that the kid uses the same word to address his grandma and anyone who is about his grandma’s age. Interesting. I am aware that in some culture, the kids are expected to use Uncle/Aunt to address all adults their parents introduced to them. Grandma/grandpa things are new to me!)
Re: Mama last name.
I think this is a common practice for the people from the mainland of China. (At least I think so.) This is out of respect as well as implying “we are close, not strangers” I think. Not sure whether it is the same in several other parts of Asia like the east or south easy Asia: Japan, Korea, Taiwan, etc. However, the “seniority (age, rank)” thing, as I heard, is a part of Japanese and Korean languages. I heard that is why they often ask each other’s age when they first meet with each other; otherwise they do not know how to address the other person and they even have a great difficulty to hold on a conversation (as “honorific” is an inherent part of their everyday language.)
In HI, the just refer to all of us of the parents generation as Auntie and Uncle. Once kids arrive, H called my folks Popo and Gung Gung (Chinese for Grandma and Grandpa). In the year between our marriage and the arrival of S, we had a hard time figuring out what to call parents.
I was raided in the south to a British mother, so not only did I call my parents’ friends Mr. and Mrs, but I continued to do so my whole life. At the age of 60, I still called my mother’s 90-year-old friend Mrs. X.
When our D went to LA for school, she told me she had to warn her friends to call me Mrs. Hayden, since otherwise they would have just called me by my first name, which I’m not comfortable with. I thought it was hilarious that they all seemed to want to speak to me, just so they could call someone Mrs. Hayden, just as a lark, something different.
I’m in LA, and my daughter’s friends still call me “Mrs.,” although I’ve begun to tell them to use my first name. (They are college-aged kids).
Although I call my lifelong friends’ parents by their first names in face-to-face conversation, I still use “Mr. And Mrs” when referring to them in conversations with third parties when they are not there. (E.g., saying to a mutual friend, “I saw Mrs. X the other day.” ) Some of these people are like second parents to me but old habits die hard.
This made me chuckle. My mom was raised in England and her mother was born and raised there. They came to the states for good when my mom was in high school. First names are common around here and both my mom and grandmother loved it because they adamantly rejected the British properness.
I am glad that I am from a first names area. I despise being called by my last name. My parents are the same way. Even their parents’ generation was a first-names kind of thing. I really can’t remember anyone that preferred Mr/Ms/Mrs last name.
Most of my kids’ friends called me by my first name from way back, others always called me Mrs. (Usually wrong last name). I corrected to the correct last name and Ms. But as they got older, I just started saying, "Please call me “First Name.” I remember at some point one of my aunts suggested I just call her by her first name instead of Aunt First Name. To me calling her Aunt, wasn’t distancing, it was acknowledging a family relationship.
I do wish newlyweds would let people know what name or names they are using. I assume no name change unless one is specifically noted. Same sex marriages make the guessing game even more fun.
I have to call an uncle to see what his new grandson’s last name is so I can send a gift. The announcement had a first name and what I presume to be a middle name since it doesn’t match either last name. I suspect the child’s last name is hyphenated, but I’d like to be sure.
@Snowme, we made it clear at every possible juncture that I was keeping my last name. And yet, it didn’t make a difference to a lot of people. It’s quite frustrating :(.
I agree with you completely, though. Honestly, I just use first names when at all possible. I’d rather offend someone by being too informal than by making an assumption about last names.
Yeah, this, @partyof5. I’m black and Southern and so is my husband and his parents, and I call his parents Mom and Dad even though I wasn’t initially 100% comfortable with it because the only other alternative would’ve been Mr. and Ms. Firstnames, which felt stilted. Calling them by their first names would not be an option. (I also call his grandmother Grandma).
To this day, I still have a difficult time calling older black women and men in the workplace by their first name. In my graduate school department the departmental administrator was an older black woman named Winnie. All of my professors were Jack and Sally and Theo and Catherine, but that administrator was Miss Winnie. I…I just couldn’t do it. LOL!
I feel like when I get older I’ll just want older kids (like 14+) to just call me by my first name. It’s weird when people call me Mrs. Lastname - I’m looking around to find that person, lol. This is compounded by the fact that I still use my original name professionally even though I legally changed my last name, so I almost never hear my legal last name unless I’m at the bank or something. (Even weirder when they call me Dr. Lastname. Then I really don’t know who they’re talking to.)
Ugh, I did premarital counseling before I got married and while I wouldn’t say it’s a complete waste of time, I will say that it’s mostly stuff that husband and I had figured out long before we got married (we dated for 11 years before we married…we started dating in high school).
I call my inlaws by their first names or Grandma and Grandpa if my kids are around.They sign cards and gifts to me as Mom and Dad. I’m not comfortable with calling them Mom and Dad but I am honored they consider me one of their children. My parents are all gone and my H addressed them my first name.
H and I were both born and raised in Ca. Our children call our friends by first name, I introduce myself to their friends by my first name. I have 2 friends whose kids use Mrs and Mr. One is from Texas and the other from South Carolina. My children went to a school where the students addressed teachers by first name only.
@juillet thats funny, I totally get you. Its also funny that we tend to look so much younger than our true age, so when you are not sure of someones age, you are looking at them like, "is she old enough to be my mother? Should I use Ms xxx or not? lmbo
