This is my first semester at my new school, and it is going really well. I love it here.
I joined this club that basically just involves singing. This one guy that I sing with has been doing it for a few years, and he’s really fun and easy to talk to. When I started singing with him, however, his attitude seemed to change. Everyone in the group thought I sounded great, but he thought I sounded “off.” So, we practiced again. Everyone said I was great, again, and he said I was “off”, again. Everyone seemed kind of confused as to why he thought I was “off.” I would also glance over to him when we were singing, and he seemed irritated.
This is making me feel a little “uneasy,” and it makes me not want to be in this group. I’m not trying to be sensitive, but it seems like this guy doesn’t like the spotlight being taken from him.
What should I do? He’s a really good person, but I don’t know if I should be a part of this group if there is going to be that constant critic that doesn’t like my being there. I don’t know what to do.
Edit: There could have been a chance that I was “off,” but I don’t know if that was the case if everyone else thought it sounded great. I think the part that really got me was that he was genuinely irritated with me, so it makes me wonder if this singing gig is worth it or not.
You need more of an explanation than “off”. Sharp, flat, too loud, etc? Some voices don’t blend well, either. And sometimes others don’t want to speak up (or you may be tangling in a political game between group members that you don’t even understand). Does the group have a leader or advisor? If so, ask them to evaluate how your voice fits in.
I can’t really explain what he meant because he didn’t even really explain what he meant.
I asked the leader, who was there, and he said I had a beautiful voice, so I can’t really decipher what the issue is.
The issue is that you like this group and you are doing well.
If you like it and you are doing well, continue to do it.
If he keeps saying it is “off” ask Mr. Wonderful to tell you, your leader, and the rest of the group how it is “off” and to show you how to improve it.
If he can’t improve it, then how it is “off” to only him and no one else?
My feeling is that someone is a little too high maintenance and, it ain’t you.
Keep doing what you are doing; don’t let anyone intimidate you.
If he says it again, ask politely what he means by “off” in musical terms. Ask the group leader to please listen and render an opinion of whether there is an issue. Take any advice the leader has and ignore this guy. Keep on attending.
Parent here, suggesting you try to get the backstory on this guy. Is there someone else you know in this group, a member who has been involved for a couple of years?
Ask around and find out if he feels he owns this group, if he has been the star voice in the past? Maybe your voice is so good it threatens him and his place in this group?
If you can’t figure out this guy’s strange behavior, I would speak privately with the leader/advisor and ask his opinion. You might get answers privately that they would not want to say in front of the whole group.
If you still can’t figure out his angle, decide if this club brings you enough joy to make it worthwhile. Are there other singing groups you could join?
@powercropper, you offer really good suggestions. I’m getting the feeling that he has been the “star” voice the whole time he has been there.
It’s funny, too, because he was talking to me about other people that have sung in the group that “weren’t that good,” according to him. I’m getting the vibe that he thinks he’s the best.
It’s iust off-putting to be doing something I love but have someone trying to “bring me down” (whether it be intentionally or unintentionally).
personally i think you should stand your ground and stay in the group. maybe you should speak to him and ask him for advice on how to improve if since according to him you’re “off.” don’t make it threatening, though. just ask as if you’re genuinely asking for advice. but then again, who is he to be the superior and judge of what is good or not? (sorry, in this situation i would be so eager to subtly one-up the dude by acting humble by “asking for his advice” over the course of the club just to annoy him lol so dont listen to me) sounds like it’s just club politics though and he’s being a bit of a diva.
other people posted great advice.
one thing they havent considered is, maybe you’re rushing? as in, when you’re slightly ahead of tempo. and this doesn’t necessarily mean you’re ahead of the beat at every point in the song, but for some notes, you might be rushing a 16th note or an 8th note instead of holding it for it’s entire value. or maybe you’re not holding a dotted quarter note long enough or a rest long enough. or perhaps you’re holding a note a tad bit too long. something as small as that could be enough to warrant an “off” comment.
He’s being envious and condescending.
Read the Quora posts on ‘‘What is the best way to respond to people who are condescending to you?’’. Here’s a sample:
Disarm. Stealthily.
When I’ve felt condescension in my direction, I’ve said to the condescender “you know, I really don’t know anything about that. Can you show me/tell me/explain to me how/what you think about (whatever they’re being condescending about)?” People love it when you’re a fan; and if you smile first, they’re forced to smile back, or at least pretend to.
Some people don’t even realize they appear condescending.
So, just ask them about themselves. Try to be sincere; and suitably awe-struck. You’ll win a fan; and maybe they’ll have something valuable to share. If they’re not responsive, well, screw 'em.