<p>The son wasn’t truthful… he either lied to his mother about a girl he won’t name driving. or he lied to the police. And the damage to the yard may not be “minimal”. Depending on how deep and how long the truck stirred up mud it can get pretty expensive to repair. And he did not own up to it… I for one am willing to bet that he hoped to get away with causing the damage and not being caught. When he got home he should have written a note and walked the three yards to leave a note, but instead he went to bed. Odds are there was also damage to the pole he hit, and he failed to report that (when I slid on black ice and hit a guard rail, I was responsible for repairs to it). If son is under 21 he had no business drinking and I doubt highly that whoever was driving was sober. He broke at least one law and probably more.</p>
<p>Where do we draw the line in deciding which laws our kids can break and what damage they can cause before we stop excusing it? Would it be acceptable to cover up for the kid if he came home with stolen merchandise or if he beat someone? I love my kids but I would also be the first to insist that they be held accountable for breaking a law.</p>
<p>And he seems to have resolved it without a lawyer. One would think it would have made an impression on S2. S2 seems to be in community college so he is not a teen and is possibly of legal age to drink and stay out late. I still have a hard time remembering people post on here after their kids are in college (sorry). </p>
<p>Yeah Goldenpooch I do tend to have a soapbox when it comes to possible drunk driving. My brother in law was killed by a drunk 18 year old who got off the DUI charge because they threw the blood test out in court.</p>
<p>The term “cop” is not respectful Goldenpooch. You don’t need to insult me.</p>
<p>I know police and their families who routinely use the word “cop.” Perhaps this depends on context and area. yes, it once was pejorative, but language changes.</p>
<p>Anyway, agree this story has missing pieces and that it seems, at least, as though the family should have been a bit more aware.</p>
<p>Osprey, it is awful for people to try to operate vehicles or have others operate them while impaired. Any way you look at it, if it is your vehicle, you are responsible for who operates it. </p>
<p>It is very tragic that way too many people do things, including some folks driving while impaired. </p>
<p>My advice remains that I would have my child consult an attorney before any further communication with any police.</p>
<p>Whether or not any person considers what I would do “enabling” wouldn’t change what I feel to be the most prudent course in light of all I have read thus far. “Yes, I would make the kid pay for the attorney and all damage resulting from the prior 24 hours,” as well as suspend all driving privileges. </p>
<p>Also agree that posters are not purposely using a pejorative term. That said, from my limited, indirect experience with officers of the law, I would not have a problem calling several of them by a pejorative name. Sorry. </p>
<p>Wow, how’d you dig up an old post in this new cc format? That’s no easy feat. Was that person in the previous thread a child of the OP’s? And how’s you decide that an attorney would be $330/hr? The family should speak to an attorney to protect themselves and their rights. The cops are not necessarily their friends, shall we say. Regardless of whether the son is of legal age or not, yes he screwed up, but if he can avoid having an arrest, or worse yet, a felony charge on his record, its well worth it. Its not “enabling”.</p>
<p>Osprey, I saw that too. I looked because I remembered reading the older thread. jym, you just click on someones screen name and it gives you the option to look at the posters old threads and any replies. Which is why it’s a good reason to post wisely…</p>
<p>OP, I hope things are going well with you and your son. I can’t imagine the emotions that are going on with you and your family right now and I hope everything gets straightened out. If nothing else, a good lesson for your son on taking responsibility and being truthful from the get go. </p>
<p>I had no idea leaving the scene is a criminal act. I was once in an accident involving 7-8 cars. Mine was one of the last to get hit by a car which lost control on an icy road. My kid was playing in an important concert and we couldn’t be late. So I just left planning to pay for the repair cost myself. Later, I found the policeman still working on the accident. I approached him explained what I did. He said i shouldn’t have left but he would write up my report for the claim. Good cop, right?</p>
<p>I have an unrelated question; If a driver hit a ball on the road, is the driver responsible? Kids were playing on the sidewalk when the ball escaped and rolled to the traffic.</p>
<p>Taking responsibility is one thing. Getting a misdemeanor or felony conviction for drunk driving is something else entirely. Taking steps to prevent that from happening is not “enabling” - it’s just good sense.</p>
<p>And the kid may indeed have pissed off the investigating officer by refusing to name the driver, but so what? That’s just another reason why, from here on in, he should not say anything further without legal counsel. He’s not five years old and the police are not his “friends.” Their objective is to make a case for drunk driving. He doesn’t need to help them do that.</p>
<p>Get out, hand the kids $10, leave. I don’t know whose responsibility it is or what the laws are, but presumably the kids won’t complain if you pay for the ball and it’s worth $10 to not have to worry about having to deal with anything later.</p>
<p>I imagine it is going to be pretty hard for OP to come back and update us if she comes back to fighting and condemnation of her S without all the facts. I agree something sounds fishy here, but let’s not jump the gun and make this an environment where OP doesn’t feel she can come back to have a rational, supportive discussion with us… Even if her son was drunk driving, OP wasn’t and browbeating her S or her family here will not accomplish anything. </p>
<p>NJfootball, I think it is important for you to know that ANY one of us could be walking in your shoes. Like you, we have all discussed the horrors and the do’s and don’ts of drinking and driving with our kids. But kids mess up and this just happens to be a bad one. Upon reading your initial post I am sure we all shared (though to a much lesser degree) that sickening punch in the gut feeling that we know you are experiencing. We do care and we cannot imagine the emotional turmoil in your life. Because we are not emotionally attached to the situation, we are discussing it the way we discuss any other topic (facts & opinions) I hope you and your family are finding solutions. Stay strong and know that this is not YOUR fault.</p>
<p>If I as a homeowner saw someone wreck my lawn and crash into my lightpole, you bet I’d call right away. Especially if there’s no indication that they left me a note offering to repair the lawn damages or anything like that. At night it’s not easy to see what the damage was. </p>
<p>So, I’m not certain I would call the police but this neighbor did so what does it matter? The kid lied to the police and refused to answer their simple follow-up question. That’s very bad imho. </p>
<p>It wasn’t that simple. It was in a neighborhood that I was driving with the doors locked. I am sure bias influenced my thinking but I sure wasn’t comfortable gettimg out of the car in the evening to face teenage kids. </p>
<p>Gosh, my first instinct if I saw someone crash into a light pole outside my house would be to go outside and see if anyone was hurt. But I guess that’s just me. </p>
<p>^Yes, that too, but presumably what actually happened is they zoomed away, so then I’d be hopping mad. If this happened in your neighborhood a few houses away, I’d think you know this neighbor and all the more reason to apologize right away if you’ve woken them up.</p>
<p>Well, it sounds like he took off immediately after the crash so it’s not like there is anything out there to look at except the damaged light pole. There was no-one there.</p>
<p>“it sounds like he took off immediately after the crash”</p>
<p>They had to be there long enough for the neighbor to get a good look at the truck and know it was the neighbors. The person was likely asleep (yes, I know I am making an assumption) and so there had to be some time between the time of the crash and the neighbor got woken up, processed what they heard, get out of bed to go to window or door to see what happened. </p>
<p>Emily, I’m obviously missing your point. There was no injured person outside to check on. The kid was a neighbor and they saw enough to know who it was that slammed into their light pole and took off. They may or may not have seen whether the OP’s son was the driver. We don’t know, but if he’s lying it could be a problem. Would I call the police? Not sure. </p>