<p>jym, I’m really sorry about this for your S (and for you and his gf, too). Make sure to tell your son at some point in time that he is not responsible for keeping everyone together (either at his party or elsewhere). It may be part of his coping mechanism to want to do so, but it’s also a lot of self-pressure feeling like your are propping your peers up or that you can’t be the one to break down. Sensitive people are especially prone to doing this because they are keenly attuned to other people’s emotions, and helping others cope takes their mind off of their own pain. It’s good and bad, you know? Try to give him some long-term perspective, that he and his friends will heal and that they all will be able to someday look back at their friendship with this young man and remember great times. It will always be a tragedy, true, and a mystery, but the pain won’t be this fresh forever. And also the depth of their sorrow is a testament to the nature of their friendship with him. My heart goes out to the young man’s parents and family, as well. So very sad. (Hang in their yourself!)</p>
<p>I’m sorry! Your son has had quite a harrowing year! My condolences to terriwtt and Jym626son and anyone else grieving. :(</p>
<p>teriwtt-
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Where in Texas were you for the funeral? And I am sorry, too, for your daughter’s loss so early in her college career. These are all such unfortunate tragedies. </p>
<p>I used to run a bereavement support group, and hoped to end some resources along to my s. today, but I couldnt reach him by phone this evening. I am hoping that he was working out or something, and didn’t have his phone with him. You brought up several good ideas, teriwtt, which I will pass along to him. He is in a large city, with lots of resources.</p>
<p>lamom, momof2inca, anxiousmom, soozie, berurah, etc,
Thanks for your thoughtful words. This has been a tough year for my s, but there have been good things as well, to punctuate the bad. His leg is doing well. While he still limps pretty badly, he is walking without crutches, and it has been only 3 mos since his fall/fracture. The facility where he is interning just opened a brand new exercise facility, which he is taking good advantage of! Good timing on their part! So, hopefully he will get through this life experience with another knotch on that growth belt, as it were. Thanks again for all the kind words.</p>
<p>I just reread the thread, and noticed my plethora of typos again, which may have confused some. I apologize. DS (“he”, not “she”) has a meeting Friday that could lead to good opportunities. The meeting, if is is still on, may get moved to the NCAA baseball playoff game that night. Trouble is, the game is sold out! I hope DS got a ticket!</p>
<p>This thread has made me think about the four young men I knew in high school who committed suicide before their 21st birthdays. I knew all of them, three very well. It’s one of the reasons I take any even vaguely suicidal statements from students so seriously. Recently a friend of my son’s attempted suicide but was stopped, thankfully (the recipient of his farewell email called the police).</p>
<p>It may have been reiterated above, but if someone–anyone–says to you “sometimes I think about killing myself” or something similar, DON’T LEAVE THEM ALONE until you’ve gotten help for them. Don’t brush it off as “just talk.” Tell your children the same thing. Really. Who can help? Parents, friends, school counselors, teachers, suicide hotlines, emergency rooms, etc.</p>
<p>jym626 - We were in Dallas for the service. I originate from Texas, but migrated to the Midwest 23 years ago. All of my immediate family is still in the Houston/Dallas area.</p>
<p>While your experience in running bereavement groups gives you access to resources most people don’t have, it’s never the same when dealing with someone close to you, so I admire you for reaching out to others for support. Take care.</p>
<p>jym so sorry to hear about your s’s loss- so sad. I’m sure your long-distance talks help more than you realize. He’s fortunate to have such a caring mom.</p>
<p>dmd - I can’t imagine having 4 classmates who committed suicide before age 21! My goodness! How horrible.</p>
<p>I extend my sympathy to all who are grieving a loss. I think suicide hits young people especially hard, because it is sometimes the first brush with mortality. My son lost two former classmates to suicide- one shot himself in his parked car in the prep school parking lot in Dallas (2003) and the other died after struggling for years with some emotional issues. Both really affected my normally unemotional son.</p>
<p>jym626, my condolences.</p>
<p>jym626 and others who have suffered losses, my sympathies.</p>
<p>My goodness, jym626, dmd, and MOWC. As a parent removed from the direct personal experience, I still suffer whenever I hear or read about a student suicide. </p>
<p>My son called me this Spring to tell me that a student who had hosted and corresponded with my son last year after his admission, was now missing and later found dead of an apparent suicide. </p>
<p>I had met his mother at an accepted student event last year, and she was an outspoken booster of the university. It is just so sad and so hard to understand. My sympathies as well.</p>
<p>Thanks to all for the kind comments. Wanted to provide a brief update. DS seems to be ding well. He knows the loss is a bit surreal for him as he wasn’t in immediate contact with his former housemate at this time (though had planned to recontact him shortly). He used this unfortunate experience as an opportunity to reconnect with several of his frienda and housemates from last summer, and was glad he made the effort to do so. It makes all of us realize that making that effort to reach out and stay in touch with friends makes a big difference.</p>
<p>I had a long, upbeat, chatty, news-filled talk with my s this evening (the first in a while). It was great to hear him happy and busy (though at the time we was washing the dirty dishes left stacked up in the sink by his current housemates…) All in all, he seems to be doing well. I am grateful for all your kind words.</p>
<p>He has certainly handled this is a remarkable and mature way, jym.</p>
<p>Thanks, binx. How are your son’s trevails???</p>
<p>NTR (Nothing to Report!) Frustrating for me, but typical of him. He should either be in the middle of his concert, or just finished, right now.</p>