<p>It is so hard to support/nurture/help your kid long distance. I could hear the distress in my s’s voice as he sadly told me that one of the interns who shared a house with him last summer suicided last weekend. He feels just awful, and is not only trying to deal with his own pain, but to be a support for another of their mutual roommates (who is a good friend of my s, and who now lives full-time where my s is in college) who was closer friends to the fellow who passed away. It is such a tragic loss of such a bright kid. My s is trying to make sense of it all, and to deal with everyone’s emotions, as the word slowly spreads to the kids who were all housemates last summer. I am trying to be as helpful and supportive as I can, but it is so hard to do long distance. It is also so hard to know your kid is hurting and to be so far away…</p>
<p>jym, that must be so hard, both for you and your son! Big hugs to you both. Is you son still at school? Can he contact the counseling office there? Sadly, there must be counselors there who have dealt with this kind of situation before.</p>
<p>If not, can your son get some counseling on your health insurance? Even just a couple of sessions could help him make sense of his feelings so that he can also help his friends. Perhaps the local school district knows of grief counselors (you know, the folks they send into elementary and high schools when a kid is killed in a car accident or shootin, dies of an illness, or suicides).</p>
<p>Good luck to you both.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry, jym. What a terrible loss.</p>
<p>I think it would be helpful if your son and the other roommates met with a counselor. Surely the school must have someone on staff? It’s too big of a loss to forgo professional help. I wish I had something more useful to add, but I’ll just say again that I’m so sorry for all involved.</p>
<p>I’m really sorry to hear this, I know how hard it is for you and your son, I had that terrible experience 14 years ago and it is still haunting me from time to time. You will be supportive to your son and that all that he needs.
Hugs to you and your son.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry to for the loss of your son’s friend. It’s such a tragedy to lose a young person. It sounds like your son is talking to you about it, and having you available, even if by phone, will help him work through his emotions. My heart goes out to your son and his friends.</p>
<p>I am so sorry to hear this. I feel terribly for this young man’s family and the loss they will have to endure forever. I am sorry for your son and his friends as well. Encourage your son to talk to you and to also talk to his friends a lot about it. You could suggest a couple sessions with a counselor if you felt that his talking with others was not enough. Perhaps he could attend the funeral but maybe that has already occurred.</p>
<p>Any death is hard, a young death is harder, and a senseless, self-inflicted death is hardest of all. Making sense of something like that is an exercise in futility! I am so sorry your S is having to go through this. Just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you.</p>
<p>Thanks, everyone. S is in his college town, but is currently on internship, not in school. He could check to see if the college counseling office is open, but I suspect it is not during the summer. The roommates were not college roommates- they were interns who came into town from all different cities for summer internships, so, with the exception of one who was also in college with my s., the others wee all from elsewhere and in different locations this summer.</p>
<p>The good news is that ds is pretty open to utilizing support resources, since he as a psychologist for a parent!</p>
<p>jym, I sent you an email. I just wanted to make sure you received it.</p>
<p>Thanks, everyone. And yes, MOT I got the email, and will respond backchannel. Thanks!</p>
<p>I’m so sorry to hear this jym. If ever you need anything from this end, you know what to do.</p>
<p>{{{{{{{jym and S}}}}}}}</p>
<p>jym~
I’m so very sorry to hear of the tragic loss of your S’s former housemate. This is such a very difficult thing for a young person to process, and it will take your son some time before he’s able to come to grips with this senseless loss of a young, promising life. Suicide is a very difficult thing to deal with as each and every survivor, no matter how close or distant from the person, is left with a litany of “what if’s” and “why’s.” So, those things compound the loss itself for the survivors.</p>
<p>I remember when a neighbor of my parents lost their son to suicide. I had hung out a little with the young man who took his own life (during a summer back from college). The thing that most strikes me is that to this day (and this was close to 30 years ago), I can still remember the look of sheer devastation and confusion on the part of his parents when I went to visit them after.</p>
<p>I am so glad that your son has you to talk to (and to turn to) in the face of this emotional blow. Cherish the fact that he feels that he can share with you about something so close to his heart. I wish him the best as he goes through the process of healing from this very difficult loss.</p>
<p>love, ~berurah</p>
<p>Jym626, </p>
<p>I’m so sorry to hear about the tragic loss of your S’s housemate. It must be so hard for you to imagine what your S is going through right now and to know how best to be of help to him and his friends when you are physically removed. </p>
<p>I think it’s a great sign that your son has reached out to you and others the way he has . It sounds like your son is a very empathetic guy (wonder where he gets that from?). I’m also glad to hear that he values the idea of the counseling sessions. Anyway you are doing all you can now by listening to him, keeping in touch a lot, and telling him what a great friend he is to be caring about his other friend(s). Your love and support are what he really appreciates the most. </p>
<p>Hugs to you and your S.</p>
<p>jym, I’m sorry to hear about your son’s friend. It’s so very sad when a young person feels that suicide is their only option. Unfortunately, we’ve been in your situation more than once, and I can echo the others here when I say that it’s a great sign that your son is willing to talk with you. My kids were the same. We’re fortunate that we have that kind of relationship. The need for ‘talk’ is not something that is short-term either. For one of my Ds, it’s two years since her friend died and she still has the need to talk about him, especially at particular times, e.g., his birthday, the anniversary of the date that they found his body, the funeral, etc. I’m not sure how close your son was to this boy or if he knew the boy’s family but one thing that has helped my D over the past two years is that she keeps in fairly regular contact with her friend’s mom. As difficult as this is for my D, as her friend was an only child and his mom is still very fragile, she has found that in helping his mom, she has helped herself as well. Many hugs and good thoughts heading your way.</p>
<p>Thanks, everyone. DS’s gf is pretty upset about this too (though she only met the housemate a few times last summer). DS is trying to support her long distance. She will be coming to visit DS in about 10 days, for DS’s big 21st bday party celebration. It is so unfortunate that the death will put a bit of a cloud over the celebration (though only a handful of the attendees for the upcoming party knew this housemate from last summer). I hope my s will be able to enjoy his birthday. He is a pretty sensitive guy and takes on so many responsibilities. He seems to be taking on this role ( of updating the former roommates and being a support) as well.</p>
<p>jym…while your son is being a support with his friends and former roomies from last summer, I think in turn he also will be supported because basically he has someone to talk to about it all and not have to hold it all inside (and can talk to you too).</p>
<p>Thanksm, soozie. I think that goes without say. On a totally different topic, she is schdeuled to have a meeting with someone Friday that could lead to some potentially big opportunities down the road. If (a) the meeting happens and (b) it goes well, he will be doing the happy dance. If the meeting gets cancelled or is a disappointment, that’s when I think all this will hit him. He knows we are here for him, and I will check up to see how he is doing and direct him to supports as he needs them. He is pretty good at going after what he needs and taking pretty good care of himself. I will stay on top of that with him.</p>
<p>jym626 - although not quite the same circumstances, I just returned from Texas this afternoon where I had attended the funeral of my 25-year old nephew, who was killed in a car crash. I also work part time as a chaplain, so I have some degree of experience in working with people who are grieving. Almost three years ago, less than a week after we dropped our daughter off at college for her freshman year 700 miles away from home, a dear friend was killed in a car crash. Given that she’d barely had a few days to mentally adjust to living away from home, we decided it was worth the expense of flying her back to be with her friends. The friends she’d already made those first few days at school, who helped her get through it when she returned after the funeral, are now some of her best friends. </p>
<p>Just to keep in mind, I’m not sure where your son is doing his internship, but if it’s a somewhat large urban city/area, and a few weeks down the line he feels like he’s stuck in the grieving process (meaning he’s not moving through it in an appropriate way) and he (or you) feels he could use some non-judgmental support, most hospices offer grief groups that are open to the public, and most are free. Depending on the size of the hospice, they might also offer specialized grief groups, such as groups for parents who have lost children (like my brother now), teen groups, and groups for adult children who have lost a parent. Group offerings also run in cycles, depending on the need in the community. There are also ‘drop-in’ groups where he could take advantage of the support just for the summer, until he gets back to school and has the familiarity of friends.</p>
<p>It’s a heartbreak to see our children hurt, but we have to remind ourselves that there are incredible opportunities for growth when we let our children experience grief without trying to ‘make everything better’. It’s when we skirt around the topic and avoid talking about the memories of the one who has died, that grief is not allowed to take its natural course. If this is the first time he’s known someone young die, you might be inspired by how authentically he creates his own resources (which, of course, also include you) that help him get through it, and that’s when we can pat ourselves on the back and say we’ve done a good job preparing our kids for life.</p>
<p>terriwtt, I just want to offer you my sincere sympathies at the tragic loss of your young nephew. It is very sad to hear of such a young life taken so suddenly. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. </p>
<p>It is so true that it is very important to someone who is grieving to be able to talk about it. I agree that trying to make it better and skirting the topic is not a good thing. While this is not totally the same, but when I was growing up, I lived my entire life from infancy to 18 next door to my best friend. When we were in fifth grade, her father committed suicide. I will never forget that night. As many adults gathered at her house to comfort her mother, they sent the children next door to my house. I even recall being told not to talk about it with my best friend who had just lost her father unexpectedly. I recall her being upset and really wanting to go home and so we called her mom up and she went back home where she truly belonged so she could talk about it and grieve.</p>
<p>Dear Jym626,
I am so sorry. Suicide has hit so close to home to so many I know. Perhaps it is because of the age group, I don’t know. </p>
<p>Hope the meeting goes well. Is the leg healed?
LA</p>
<p>terriwtt-so sorry, I just realized this tragedy just happened.</p>