<p>I think I am being a little irrational about this and would love not to be. :-)</p>
<p>When my son was back in HS, I asked him when we would be friends on FB. He replied that when he graduated college might be a good time. No problem. I actually don’t mind all that much.</p>
<p>However sometimes, when I miss him, I’ll pull up his page and check to see if he changed profile pics and occasionally check out his friends to “connect” a little. :-/ Call me pitiful. ;-)</p>
<p>Anyway - I know that a (male) friend of ours is his friend on FB - okay. Slightly annoying, but okay . . . (I mean, why should he know what’s happening with my kid and I have to wait for the occasional tidbit of info???) </p>
<p>So today, I was missing the boy and just bopped over and noticed that roomie’s mom is a friend. WTH??? I like roomie’s mom and all but still . . .</p>
<p>Then I noticed that he is friends with a neighborhood kid. I clicked on his page and checked to see if his dad is his friend (cause I am not crazy about the kid’s dad) and he is. So I texted S to ask if he lets friends of friends see his page and he doesn’t. That would have been too much - this guy being nosy and checking on S. He is a bit of a yenta so I know he wouldn’t hesitate to share what he learns about other people’s kids. Ugh.</p>
<p>The real estate market needs to pick up so I can be too busy to check on anyone’s profile on FB! It really is none of my business and I will suck it up and get over it but I am having a pity party right now. LOL</p>
<p>I am so annoyed. :-/ I should friend roomie.</p>
<p>I get the impression that your son knows you all too well. You Have not been “friended”, yet are still obsessing over his activity online.
Leave his page be.</p>
<p>My kids have friended me on fb, and the one daughter opened my account for me. They know I would not comment on their posts for the most part, nor to go to their walls. Doing so might embarrass them.</p>
<p>Perhaps your son might be agree to terms like that.</p>
<p>Pengo-
Please learn to refrain yourself from snooping into your son’s business.
The loss of trust is not worth knowing a few things about his life and seeing a few pictures.
He will not confide in you when it is really important.</p>
<p>Geez - I thought I’d made it clear that I am okay with not being friends on FB. I look at his profile once - maaaaybe twice a month (if even.) He is even okay with that as we have joked about it. I am not worried about losing his trust - we do have an open, trusting relationship and, in spite of what I said about waiting for the tidbit of info, he really does share when he is in the mood. We even had a great (3 way w Dad) 45 minute conversation one night last week. We talk about once a week or so with occasional texts depending on what’s happening. I was going for a little levity there, but I guess that didn’t work out too well. ;-)</p>
<p>Out of all the moms I know that have kids away at school, they all agree that I am probably one of the most sane ones regarding “letting go.” However, I do admit to missing him at times. Actually, I am perfectly content knowing he is where he needs to be, that he is happy & doing well.</p>
<p>I felt that the feeling was a bit unusual for me and so I thought I’d post concerning my momentary (unusual) feeling of annoyance.</p>
<p>So I’m a little confused what your issue is because your 2nd post kind of negates most of your first post…? </p>
<p>You’ve obviously done more than a click or two to know who a few of his friends are. He may have only friended them and then blocked most of his content to them just so he didn’t have to say “no” - it can be awkward for kids to not friend family/neighbors etc. But you’re MOM, so he can just plain out say “no” cause he would probably know you could respect that.</p>
<p>If you miss him (which is wonderful that you do) maybe you could just bump up your texts to him a bit (so to get a little more response to the happenings in his day) or even occasionally ask if he could get you a personal quickie phone call to just you in addition to the 3-way with Dad. In even just 2-3 mins you can get a good update on what’s happening in his life.</p>
<p>Pengo…I totally understand where you are coming from. I would probably say when next in a light hearted conversation with my son; how come so and so is a FB friend and I am not. Your son has probably forgotten his initial comment that you would be added when he graduates and also likely has accepted friend requests without giving it much thought…hence the neighbor’s kid’s dad. I do check my kids’ fb pages to see their pictures etc. and I don’t see anything wrong with that…it all depends on the type of relationship you have with your kids. Honestly if there is something on their pages that they wouldn’t want their parents to see then I personally don’t think they should be doing it either. In the end I think there will be a really innocent explanation why he hasn’t added you and it won’t be that he doesn’t want you to see him.</p>
<p>Pengo: My DD is my FB friend, but my DS is not. My DS is a college freshman now. DD is in high school.</p>
<p>His page is ‘open’, so I can check it whenever I want. I have checked a few times, and he doesn’t post much.</p>
<p>All of the rest of my extended family is friends with both of them on FB. I have no problem with being my kids’ FB friends or not. Actually, a year or so ago, my DD was initially my FB friend, then she de-friended me, as it wasn’t cool to have me for a friend. Later she added me back!</p>
<p>I don’t mind, because I can see their posts anyway. It is easy to trace a person on FB if their page is open, so it doesn’t bother me whether I am their friend or not.</p>
<p>Crizello, just a reminder that if your child’s Facebook is open for you to see whether or not you are friends, remember (or they should remember) that ANYONE - ANYONE AT ALL - can also see all that they post.</p>
<p>I understand the confusion. Like I first posted - I was a little irrational. LOL Maybe even irrational is too strong a word. I have to laugh now cause I am so over it already. I may even (or not) tell him about it one day - he’ll just roll his eyes and laugh.</p>
<p>I do know who a lot of his friends are. He’s been on FB for years and in the beginning, we used to monitor a little bit as he was on the young side. Knowing who friends are on FB is no big deal - I mean, isn’t that one of the “perks” of social networking? We have also had “FB friends” conversations - both his and mine.</p>
<p>It was just one of those momentary lapses that we moms experience once in a while.</p>
<p>I am so sorry I came off as I did. I just basically needed to vent at that moment. I should just have bitten my fingers until the feeling went away.</p>
<p>I really do get enough communication from him. That isn’t an issue so I will just keep things status quo for now.</p>
<p>Again - appreciate the time you guys took to respond. :-)</p>
<p>Pengo…You are doing what so many mothers do and fathers too. I would feel bad if the neighborhood snoop was on my kid’s FB and I wasn’t…I definitely get it…but it is better to go out for a walk when the next surge of wanting to view his page comes. Just think some day they grow up and they will have kids of their own.</p>
<p>Just because you are on the friend list does not mean you get to see everything that is posted. Limited access is available.</p>
<p>I finally made it as my D’s friend—she is a college senior. But trust me- with her selected settings for me I can see the photos and the “some” posts—not everything she posts. I suppose I am the diet-Coke of friends. That is okay with me.</p>
<p>But don’t freak out about “stalking” on FB. Isn’t that the fun of it? Seeing a friend of a friend of a friend…kind of like a mystery! Where will it end? I am hoping at George Clooney.</p>
<p>My rule-- if you can’t say it to your mother- don’t post it on FB. And FYI my 78 year old mother is on FB! Not really posting, but definitely reading!</p>
<p>I’m not a “friend” with either of my kids on their FB accounts. Some of my nieces & nephews have “friended me.” It really doesn’t matter to me as I hardly check in any case.</p>
<p>I figure the kids will let me know what they want to share with me. It works for them & for me. I do understand how it can be mildly painful that others are friended and we aren’t, but I respect whatever boundaries my kids set–works for them.</p>
<p>I am friends in FB with both my daughters - of course, it could be that mentally I’m stuck in teenage mode as well and have no problem getting my girls to discuss life’s interesting events and the such :-)</p>
<p>Now that my older one is in college FB has been very useful in keeping in touch (tho we prefer phone / text) and her school is very FB friendly and one can find all kinds of tidbits in their FB pages.</p>
<p>I am not “friends” with my kids on FB, but I do stalk them. I will google them or check up on them on FB. Few nights ago I pulled up D2’s profile, and she was wide open to WWW.I let her know right away and advised her to change her setting, but only after I was done looking through it. It really wasn’t that interesting.</p>
<p>Make a fake FB account with some hot girls pic you get off of Google images and put that you go to his school. Never comment or update the account and he will never be the wiser.</p>
<p>One of my kids wouldn’t friend me for awhile. Her sisters and her cousins were friends, so I figured they would tell me if she posted anything too wild. Every once in awhile I would ask to be her friend, and at some point she said okay, as long as I agreed NEVER to post anything, LOL.</p>
<p>Well, now that she is in college, I think I may have posted something once or twice, but I do try to refrain from appearing on her page. I do look at her page from time to time when I am missing her. It is nice to look at the pictures. Of course I can call her, but it is nice to be connected on FB. Heck these kids have 300, 400, 500, 600 friends, what’s one more, even if it is MOM?</p>
<p>My D has friended me but I can’t see her wall, only photos. My S hasn’t friended me. Neither of them are friends with my mother or sister. That’s ok. They need their space. If you trust them, there should be no problem.</p>
<p>Our family has loads of extended cousins & many of them are on fb, including great aunts and second cousins twice removed, fourth cousins, etc. They are all “friends” with my college freshman dau & so am I. We use fb to keep in touch in a lighthearted way – anything serious like funerals or other private family talk goes through other channels, of course. </p>
<p>Most of my fb friends are either my h.s. classmates or my cousins & my inlaws & their cousins. </p>
<p>My college dau is of course included as a fb friend of all these people; they are always posting pics of babies, dogs, etc—and she also has a few hundred friends who are from her own h.s. & college & other circles. </p>
<p>I refrain from posting (much) on D’s wall but I do use the private message feature often. It is the only way I know she is seeing the message quickly! The talk runs along the lines of “Do you need more oxyclean?” and “where is the sweater you wanted me to send?” but the idea, for me anyway, is if I use fb she will see it shortly after I send.</p>
<p>My experience on FB is similar to JRZMom. It has been a nice way to stay in touch with distant family and reconnect with some people from my past. It is VERY interesting to see what bits and pieces people care to share. I have an older sister who is absolutely obsessed.</p>
<p>My D did not choose to friend me until her later college years. Until then I saw Facebook as part of the “I need to have my space.” portion of her life. No problem. A number of her childhood and college friends have also friended me as they have gotten older. My modus operandi has always been to wait for young people to come to me. </p>
<p>Fortunately there was never a need but the D always knew that whether I could see her Facebook profile or not, if I ever sensed she was floundering I would go into high-gear MOM MODE and find a way to get information. Mom’s have their methods. Bwahahahaha!</p>
It really is none of my business and I will suck it up and get over it but I am having a pity party right now. LOL</p>
We talk about once a week or so with occasional texts depending on what’s happening. I was going for a little levity there, but I guess that didn’t work out too well. ;-)</p>
We have also had “FB friends” conversations - both his and mine.</p>