<p>Out of curiosity - is this a course that should be in his wheelhouse, or is it out of his comfort zone?</p>
<p>Had a talk with S (used a lot of advice that has been given). I also asked him about his college class and he admitted to having done no homework for that class (yet going and taking tests). I asked him about the reason for lying and he said he just wanted to do it on his time schedule–as he always does. He casually said, “It is just one more thing to get done–I always manage to get everything done.”</p>
<p>The problem is that his time schedule has not been realistic this year. Yes, he has always procrastinated and it worked. But now his load is more difficult and he is not readjusting. He just missed an important due date for a big project required for graduation (his GC just about hit the roof). I asked him if he might be depressed and he shrugged his shoulders. I talked about some of the symptoms and he said maybe but he doesn’t want to blame his behavior on medication. What??? I explained the warnings given by the Dr. and that it wouldn’t be a personal weakness–just a chemical reaction.</p>
<p>He has agreed to take an on-line survey to see if he might be depressed. He is normally not very compliant with a request like that. He said if he is depressed it is worth it–he doesn’t want acne. </p>
<p>Countingdown–thanks for the insight, I too would rather see him crash and burn at home rather than off at college.</p>
<p>bovertine–the course should be in his wheelhouse, it should require effort but not be unmanageable.</p>
<p>Just wanted to add that I have experience with adult depression and one of my kids was diagnosed several years ago. He had probably been living with it for. . . I don’t know how long. Depression does not present in teenagers the same as it does in adults. This kid functioned fairly well (got up and went to school, went to sports practices, . . .) and was sometimes happy. But his grades took a tumble and I knew he wasn’t enjoying life like he used to. Finally took him to a therapist who told us our son was deeply depressed.</p>
<p>Anyway–just wanted to say I think a screening is a good idea.</p>
<p>Well S did an in depth on line survey and it said he was at risk for moderate depression. The main symptoms he related to were irritability, inability to concentrate, lack of motivation, aches and pains, headaches, and describing his mood as being in a long dark tunnel. He was very open about sharing this–Again way out of character for him (he is always perfect). He sat next to me as I called his Dr. and didn’t flinch when I said we are worried he might be depressed–can’t get an appointment until late next week. Also called the Dermatologists who immediately called back from home and said for him to immediately stop taking the accutane. He has an appointment scheduled with her next week also. </p>
<p>I noticed on many websites that adolescence do not tend to follow the same signs as adults (as MyLB) pointed out and that in boys the symptoms are often irritabilty/anger/ and lack of motivation. We have definitely witnessed this but were not sure if it was just teenage stuff or if he was just burned out.</p>
<p>I am touched by your story. It must be incredibly difficult right now for all of you.</p>
<p>I remember a neighbor once talking about her daughter, back when our kids and hers were in elementary school, and saying that her daughter got headaches with stress from the elementary achievement tests. It must be a hard burden to carry to feel like you have to be best at everything. </p>
<p>I hope all of this works out. Sounds like you have a pretty good son overall, who just needs some help.</p>
<p>luchteam: My daughter was on Accutane for 6 months last year. Her physician was extremely aware and made us aware of the potential for depression. The doctor also told us that depression due to Accutane is more common in males than females. I think stopping the Accutane and following up with an evaluation for depression are what you need to do. Helping your son get a handle on this now is much more important than graduating #1 and an on-line AP course. I certainly hope this works out well for you and your son.</p>
<p>luchteam, I’m glad to hear the dermatologist is taking this seriously. Also glad to hear that S doesn’t want to blame it all on the meds – indicates he knows he’s got some culpability here.</p>
<p>It’s likely not <em>just</em> the medication or <em>just</em> depression or <em>just</em> work overload. More likely a bit of all three, combined with coping mechanisms that finally couldn’t handle all these things at once, and boom – perfect storm.</p>
<p>None of this make him any less of a terrific son and bright kid – just a human one. </p>
<p>A lesson both my kids had to learn is that sometimes “force of will” is not enough. Gotta deal with the feelings, too, and accept that sometimes your best isn’t enough. Sometimes good enough is good enough. And it’s OK.</p>
<p>I don’t know if this applies to you. We have a high IQ kid who scored in the top 5% of the kids on the SAT but is in the bottom 50% wrt to GPA at his private school. We just had him evaluated for learning disabilities. Ends up he scores in the superior or top 0.5% on everything except processing speed, where he is still above average, but below what would be expected for a kid with his other scores. A lot of it is attributed to executive functioning issues. I am not done getting son tested so the final diagnosis is not in, but it seems to clear up a lot of things with my son and gives us a path forward to help him overcome his problems.</p>
<p>I don’t know if your son is overwhelmed, can’t do online courses (I would not do online course well) or if something else is going on. But, for high performing kids like your S there has to be a lot of stress and this online course was the easiest thing to blow off. A professional eval can’t hurt, but if he is going to college next year I highly suggest he not pass out of easy subjects he already took in HS. My S is/has taken a number of AP classes but we have already told him he will retake these classes first year even if they accept AP credit. Freshman year is hard enough, we are insisting he take a few review classes to lighten the load.</p>
<p>Depression due to Accutane CANNOT be taken lightly. Get rid of all the Accutane in the house.
I also agree with the following sentiment:
"he’s in the last few miles of a marathon and wants to walk some of the way. "</p>
<p>It does sound like is developing a well justified case of Senioritis - he’s probably very burned out from so much hard work and is just plain TIRED, and on top of it depressed due to the meds… I know my son, a diligent hard working, top student, started to coast to the finish right around this time 5 years ago…
“The problem is that his time schedule has not been realistic this year.”
Then it’s time to really let him know that’s its OK to throttle back. Let him know its OK to drop the EPGY class. A few B’s his second semester will not get him rejected from college, as all admissions offices know that senioritis happens to even the best students…</p>
<p>As Counting Down has said, the psychologist who evaluated my S said he is expending a lot of energy trying to compensate for his deficiencies. He knows he is as smart if not smarter than the kid sitting at the next desk but feels like a failure because it takes so long to “get it”.</p>
<p>Accutane is a very tough medicine. Some great results for the skin, but can really cause major issues from a mental health perspective. The adults I know who’ve taken it almost all had real changes in their personalities after a bit on the drug – grumpiness, depression, short-tempered. I’m glad your son’s D is taking it seriously. I hope he gets some relief. </p>
<p>And yes, it could be senioritis, but when you bring Accutane into the picture, I tend to think of it as being the more likely problem. Hopefully he’ll have gotten enough of the benefits that the four months will be enough.</p>
<p>He took on too much. Don’t let him continue with the EPGY class, he’s not getting anything out of it. It doesn’t matter to the colleges he applied to, he won’t have to explain that. It’s not like dropping a high school class.</p>
<p>My son did one of those EPGY classes a number of years ago. He did it for awhile, was disinterested, didn’t accomplish much…so we just stopped it, didn’t renew. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but we realized our mistake. It’s a decent program, but a bit of a money grab. They can get the parents to keep paying forever. Sometimes things just don’t work out and perhaps this was a discovery for your son that it’s the first time he took on too much.</p>
<p>Having so much angst about just this online course, indicates to me that there is way too much pressure in this kids life, particularly if he seems depressed. This would be a one minute discussion in my house, led by me, not “what do you want to do?” I would say, you’ve reached your limit, taken too much on, just stop doing the course, it really doesn’t matter to the schools. Enjoy what you can of your last bit in high school, be more refreshed to start up college next year. He sounds like an amazing kid, give him a break.</p>
<p>mamom mentioned executive function issues, I’d have that checked out too. Yes, this kid is off the scale on a lot of things, but continual procrastination is almost a diagnosis for challenges in the executive function - ADD range. That he has developed his own work-arounds so far is both a good thing, and a not-so-good thing. Yes, he’s managed to get all his school work done so far, but he’s also managed to keep his learning challenges under everyone else’s radar. A couple of sessions with an LD specialist might be all it takes for him to pick up a few organizational skills that will help him stay on track.</p>
<p>Good luck to all of you!</p>
<p>It seems to me that the answer is simply to drop the online course. I don’t think his colleges will care in the least, since it is an extra. The rest of this seems to be fairly typical senioritis.</p>
<p>One of my kids once tried an online class and it just didn’t work. Looking back, I don’t know what I was thinking. There was no need for it and it’s really hard to stay motivated when that is the case. Waste of money but lesson learned.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t be too quick to say this is due to the Accutane. I’ve had kids on it, and we have a family history of depression so I asked a lot of questions first and really had my eyes open to the possibility. My kids sailed through with the only emotional change being relief that their skin had improved so much. Yes, that’s anecdotal but there could be something else going on with the OP’s son that might not be about Accutane. It could just be a pretty normal teenage response to a packed senior year.</p>
<p>Agree, work with the doctor to stop the Accutane and drop the class. For us it was so easy to “get behind” an over achiever after two laid back kids number three was a dream. At the same time now that 3 is in high school we also feel obligated to ensure that he doesn’t burn himself out with his intensity which is an interesting position for us after years of nagging and praying that 1 and 2 would kick in. You absolutely need to push down all your parental desires to push these kids along and almost put some brakes on when you see negative behaviors going on. I hate to see kids “flame out” in college because they peaked out in high school. Way too much emphasis at young ages these days for perfect teeth, perfect skin, perfect bodies, perfect grades, perfect colleges and kids that have those perfectionist tendencies suck in and internalize all these media messages. Life is a long race.</p>
<p>I know of far more cases where the online EPGY format didn’t work for kids (which typically showed up as procrastination and the course not being completed) a whole lot more than I’ve heard that the course was too hard.</p>
<p>Again, thanks for all the insight. S has agreed to talk with GC on Monday and be very honest about what is going on. I do agree that this may be the “perfect storm” and do not just blame this on the possibility of a link to accutane. I do think accutane may have a part in this but probably by just exposing what was already there, just a little sooner.</p>
<p>I will encourage S to just drop the on-line class (he seems to think he can finish it by March 1) and concentrate on getting organized and make a plan. I know his procrastination has been his thing in the past, but I really feel it has worn him out and he must learn a new way. I can really see him burning out in college because he will just be “average” at the schools he’d like to attend. </p>
<p>I am also going to talk with him about dropping a college course spring quarter. I have been talking about that with him for over a month now but he is convinced he must do this if he is to have any chance of being a competitive applicant at top universities. Decisions will be coming out before the drop date so maybe he (or his GC) can call the admissions offices of where he is admitted and see if the course needs to be completed. As far as the winter quarter class, it is too late to drop and he is confident he can get a B.</p>
<p>I think the thing that is making this so difficult for him is the “not knowing”. If his first choice college called up and said, “just finish that on-line course and you’re in” he’d do it ASAP. He knows he has a weakness in English (dyslexia) and has tried to overcompensate for this by working harder than everyone else. So admissions to a top-tier university is not even close to being a sure (or a maybe) thing. If he doesn’t get into one of those, he has already done more than enough to get into the state flagship (although we all know there is no sure thing in admissions). Most of the Val/Sal’s at his HS attend the state flagship and it is very well respected.</p>
<p>The ADD thing has struck a cord, its like he cannot focus on anything until the pressure is so great that he must. Yet as an athlete, he seems to be able to concentrate on all the small things the other kids miss??? Before any competition he seems to get hyper-focused and doesn’t like being around others. </p>
<p>Can someone who has been through ADD or a Learning Disability tell me where to begin? His HS special ed department has a less than stellar reputation so I’d rather go elsewhere. I am also going to follow up with his MD about possible counseling. DH and I have seriously considered counseling for him way before this bump in the road as we felt his intensity has always been a little unhealthy. We are seriously proud of his accomplishments but would prefer a happy child.</p>
<p>Very interesting. My 3 that I spoke of earlier…the driven one…has dyslexia also that was diagnosed in first grade. We did an “intense” year of part grade 1 and part grade 2 then a whole year of grade 2 to get him to be able to read the most simplest of books. He still reads painfully slow and writes very laboriously in high school. I think those kids have to work so very hard to “prove” they are smart day after day and year after year, they have a tendency to become intense and driven and competitive. Mine is “behind” yours in school so we haven’t gone through the college process quite yet, although of course he is aiming for a very difficult university as his number one choice. We are working on redirecting him to other choices as well as supporting his desires.</p>
<p>As the mom of a high IQ, ADD kid with executive functioning disorder – Hypofocusing on 1 activity is a norm in our house. This sounds like the “concentrating on small things that others miss” that you described.</p>
<p>I’d get a private Psyco-Educational work-up and not go through the school or family doctor. In our area is runs from $1200-$2500. Some insurances will cover the cost (ours did not). It is done over at least 2 separate testing session dates. For us, it was very important to find someone who understood that high IQ can also have Learning Disabilities or ADD. Also important that there is a feedback session to go over the results in detail.</p>
<p>It is very important to uncover the reasons NOW while he is still living at home and has some monitoring. If it is ADD/EFD it can spin out of control quickly in a residential college environment.</p>
<p>I would begin with asking for recommendations from the school psychologist and a google search with psychoeducational testing and your region. Be sure they have experience with special services and accommodations for the college level. In our experience, it was not a quick process. The entire process took 2-3 months between finding a tester, having tests completed and receiving the feedback.</p>