So unfortunate that you think this. 1290 is a great score compared to the average and a 4.3 GPA is amazing. I really hope that you aren’t telling your children that this is low ability. This is amazing and should be celebrated.
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You indicated that your son was reading at a HS level in kindergarten. I assume this means decoding.
As an SLP this is a bit of a red flag for me and is all the more reason to be evaluated and figure out what is going on.
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If they are spending so much time studying, and have those SATs (and prior IQ testing), I strongly agree with others on having a full neuropsych.
I know there was prior ADHD testing, but sounds like a long time ago (and quality of evaluators vary a LOT IME 
) so very well could have been a misdiagnosis or kid was overcompensating very well as a smaller kid (and can no longer in HS).
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IMO these are not “poor” grades - it is, in fact, higher than most kids. Only like 40% of my kids school takes any APs and the bottom 60% almost all go to 4 year colleges. He can go to tons of 4 year schools with those stats.
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Yes to evaluation. Is there a possibility of OCD? That can make things very time consuming.
Giftedness is actually a special need. As others have said, he could have ADHD, slow processing, OCD, depression, any number of things.
You might get in touch with Landmark fSchool or a tutor who, along with testing, might help evaluate the situation.
There is no test for ADHD beyond a questionnaire, which is very subjective. My kid had a questionnaire and I had one. For ADHD he should see a psychiatrist with expertise in this area. The previous evaluation may not be relevant.
If he does have any diagnoses that merit an IEP or 504 plan, he should get accommodations. I feel it is kind of urgent to relieve him. Eight hours of work can cause burnout even when the result is A’s. He might be miserable- can you tell?
Your son sounds like he needs help. One other thing: it can help us parents to see a therapist/counselor at times like this. I think it would help you and your family. This does not mean there is anything “wrong” with anyone but this situation kind of cries out for help for you too.
ps Welcome and many of us have been down this road!!
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I hope the OP comes back . . . .
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THIS.
There are people wo attended well respected grad programs with quality neuropsych training, did a neuropsych post doc, and specialize in the field (some do mostly geriatrics, some do a med-psych focus, some do child/adolescent/ young adult focus, some are general neuropsych, etc.) What part of the country are you in? Board certification (in child or adult) isn’t necessary in the field but it is another indication of competence. Then there are the people who took a weekend workshop and think that is sufficient. Please do your due diligence. Ask friends, your pediatrician, etc.
If your s. can ace timed high stakes testing, then processing speed wouldn’t be my first thought. I agree that asking his teachers where the holes are (is he turning in HW on time, are his written assignments well organized and presented or are they scattered, etc) to get more info. Might be more of an executive function issue than processing speed issue. Is he having greater trouble with input of information or output of his knowledge base in school? Good luck.
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Some of your original post struck a little closer to home that I might want to admit.
Very smart people are not all the same – not even close. Some people can walk in off the street and get 800 on the math part of the SAT test without even having to try hard (as in “no question is even remotely challenging”), and still have trouble with English literature, or slow reading ability, or might fail an allegedly easy art history class where they actually tried very hard in the class. For those few people who are exceptional in one dimension, they might not be strong in other dimensions (and intelligence and ability are very multi-dimensional).
It sounds like your son is very smart in some ways (which probably overlap with some that I am familiar with). This does not mean that he is good at everything. People who are very, very smart in one dimension will frequently figure out over time how to compensate for being less strong in other dimensions. However, this does not mean that this is easy.
Some students who are very smart are not good at dealing with stress. In the US our high school students are under way too much stress.
I think that getting a consultation with a professional psychologist is a good idea. Also, be cautious about putting too much stress on your student, and let them find their own pace.
And 1290 on the SAT with a 4.3 GPA is not “low ability”.
And your post is also a very good reminder for the rest of us parents that we too need to let our children find their own paths.
And I think that you son will find his path. It might take some time and effort for him to do so, and progress along the way might not always be obvious to you or even to him.
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Thank you for saying this. These are not “low” grades. You know even very smart kids get less than all A grades.
I do agree that something is getting in the way of him doing better, but a thorough and good evaluation is a good start, and this includes a very comprehensive physical.
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Your kid does not have bad grades. Stop comparing him to his sister.
Your kid is likely not studying for that many hours, it sounds like he is avoiding your lectures about what a failure he already is.
Signed,
The mom of a 3.3 gpa (but 35 ACT) kid who quite simply hated the busy work of high school and is doing just fine at his “decent” college. He is a talented musician, a hard worker at every job he has had, and he is well liked by all his friends parents. My son is so much more than his GPA.
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I’ll add another perspective. My husband was a solid B student all through all high school, really didn’t like academics, didn’t take calc in HS back in the late 80’s etc. He was and still is one of the most liked persons of his HS peer group, just a really kind person. He went to a community college for guess what… aviation!! Back then you had to have a 4 year degree to apply to the major airlines. He then did a correspondence 2 year with Embry Riddle (at that time they mailed the books to you and you took proctored tests) He HATED every minute of the next 2 years but he got through it to check the 4 year degree box on the applications. He is now a 25+ year Captain at the worlds greatest airline (you guess which one lol) making more money than most doctors. My point is… book smart does not equal success. Your son just may not like or want to excel in academics and that is okay. He will find what he is meant to do. I do understand it’s tough to watch. BTW, mostly all the airlines have dropped the 4 year degree requirement since Covid.
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While I hope all the input here is well-meaning, some posts are not the friendly and welcoming contributions we expect on CC. Please temper your comments and keep your advice constructive and supportive of a parent who turned to CC for help. Feel free to edit your prior post if it isn’t striking the right tone.
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It’s also known to be fairly common for gifted kids to not thrive in traditional schools and mainstream classes. It is quite possible this is part of the problem. However, if the kid is really studying 8 hours a day, there is clearly a problem and possibly more than one. To me, this signals a need for comprehensive evaluation especially if the son himself wants to find out how to do better. Of course we do not know if 1. He is really studying this much (or if he is pretending to, but is playing video games, etc) and 2. If he is truly unhappy with his grades or if he is saying what he thinks he is supposed to say in this situation. Regardless, intervention of some kind is likely still called for.
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My son (now an adult) was having problems in school and we couldn’t figure it out. It was exactly as worriedmomucb says, he was smart enough to compensate for his disability to cover it up for a long time.
He was in the upper elementary grades when we were at our wits end about it. We finally went to the school for a full battery of disability testing. In the state we lived in, once the parent requested such testing, the school had to do it at their expense. The testing didn’t find out what was the issue but it pointed in the right direction. Turns out it was a vision problem in that his eyes didn’t work together and he was going cross-eyed trying to read across the page. The poor reading skills affected everything about his learning.
It is probably something quite different from my son’s issue but the key is to start getting him tested to figure out what is going on.
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I applaud you for being so open and asking for how you can help your son. Sometimes asking for help is the hardest thing.
I agree with all of the comments that your son needs a full neuropsych evaluation and immediately needs to stop spending so much time on homework. Once the results are in, you or you and your husband would probably benefit from being part of an in-person or on-line support group for parents of 2E kids (gifted children with some additional special need).
A lot of kids, exp. boys don’t take a straight path to adulthood. Sometimes they need a gap year, sometimes CC and sometimes no college or college at a later date and none of these paths are bad. None of this matters at the moment, take a breath, talk to his teachers and pediatrican then focus all of the energy you are currently focusing on homework and grades on figuring out why it’s not working.
Last piece of advice from a mom of four 2E sons, make sure everyday you find something to compliment your son on, it will help both of you see the good and stop focusing on the things that are concerning you (they are not bad things, just different things).
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He needs to have some fun. What activities would he like to do? How do you connect as a family?
I also recommend therapy for yourself since you are so unhappy with your child. Research shows kids in therapy improve more when parents also get therapy.
We tend to be quick to recommend psych evals for our kids yet not as willing to look inward to see how we may be negatively impacting them.
In this case, its my opinion both could benefit.
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Learning differences can be very sneaky, so can ADHD. My S25 has both ADHD, inattentive type (diagnosed in 5th grade through many hours of Neuro Psych testing) and a newly discovered LD (last week, as a matter of fact, through another 8 hours of testing).
The ADHD went undetected for a while… My son is not the kid that can’t sit still. He really flew under the radar and he honestly had no idea that every other kid didn’t feel the way he did when they sat down to study. We initially thought he was “lazy” (and it makes me cringe some days and cry other days to think back on that). He and I would battle over homework, studying habits, and school in general.
This was not the relationship that I wanted to have with my kid. I had to make a real effort to get my frustration in check. My son is so bright, incredibly creative, lots of friends, teachers love him. He has an abundance of strengths and interests that motivate him. But he was MISERABLE the first two years of high school until we found an ADHD medication and executive functioning coaching that worked for him…it took a long time to find the right meds at the right dose.
He too was spending so.much.time studying…but none of it was productive. He never got a grade above a B+, no matter how many hours he put in, so he started feeling like, what’s the point? He says now that he felt like his head was in a fish bowl. Everything was cloudy and chaotic, but he didn’t know that isn’t the way most people feel.
I am thankful everyday that we spent all of that money and all of those hours having him tested. He now has 4 As and 2 B+ in his junior year, and he is spending LESS time on school. I stay out of it completely, unless he asks for our help or a teacher reaches out (rarely). He gets extended time for testing, seats himself in the front of the class and goes to teachers for extra help.
Organization and memorization are still hard for him. They always will be. But he is learning all about how his brain works, and that is going to give him the power to pick and choose (to some extent) what he wants to study and what he wants to do in terms of a career. I fully believe he will be a happy, productive member of society, even if he takes a longer, curvier path to get there.
It is not easy to see our kids struggle, so I offer you a virtual hug.
You have the power to be get him the help he needs and that could change his life trajectory in many ways. Make sure he knows that you believe in him, and help him find joy in other interests. It is never too late.
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You’ve already gotten some great advice.
First, sending you a virtual hug. It is incredibly hard when you see your child doing their best but still struggling, especially if you know that something is going on.
Before addressing what’s going on with your son, I’d recommend doing a mental exercise. What do you care most about how your kids turn out as adults? How do you want your kids to feel about themselves? And if lots of answers are rushing to mind, what are the most important one(s)? Examples might be (but are not limited to):
- Being self-confident
- Being resilient
- Being kind
- Being respectful
- Being financially independent
- Feeling respected
- Feeling loved
- Feeling happy
- Feeling like they control their own destiny
Now that you have characteristics in mind that you want your adult kids to have/feel, what do you need to do to optimize the likelihood of that becoming a reality? Those are the aspects of parenting that I would focus on the most.
Sometimes stepping back and looking at the big picture can make us realize what’s important and what’s not so important, and that can help guide you as you take care of yourself and look out for your family.
If your son attends a public school, make a formal request that your son be evaluated. This may be presented to the school’s special education or 504 coordinator, or they might have an RTI (Response to Intervention) or MTSS (Multi-Tier System of Support) team or something similar. You can address your concerns and then the school is legally obligated to have an evaluation completed, usually within 90 days.
If your son does not attend a public school, talk to your child’s current school about how evals are done (they will probably say, you pay for one privately). You can also reach out to your public school district and ask for their Child Find department. That department is designed to identify students with special needs, whether they attend public schools or private schools.
If a full evaluation has been completed by a school system and it still isn’t finding anything, then I would look for a private eval. And actually, as soon as you get yourselves on the list for an eval from the school/school district, I would also be researching for a well-qualified private neurospsych evaluation and put yourself on the waitlist (there will probably be a few month wait for a good eval…sometimes many months, so you can already be on the waitlist if needed).
Hopefully, something will be found in one of the evals that will help determine some next steps to help your son with the academic issues. But those steps may take time to become fully effective and there is absolutely no shame whatsoever in taking a gap year, or starting at community college, or starting school part-time while working part-time, or anything else. Everyone’s path is different. Just remember the most important things you want for your children. Focus on those things, and chances are, everything’s going to turn out okay.
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The school is obligated to review your request for an evaluation very quickly…like within a week of receiving it. If they agree to do it, there is a timeline which does vary from state to state. Where I am it’s less than 90 days. But yes…this is a good way to get the ball rolling.
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Yes, getting testing in school can be very helpful. But in some states school psychologists cannot diagnose, but may focus on what services the student may qualify for. And if the parents plan to consider a private neuropsych (though waitlists are long), sometimes if some tests are done in one evaluation, there is a test/retest timeframe suggested (its not a hard and fast rule, but can affect reliability/validity of a repeated test) and the two evaluations would/should be taken in concert if some tests are done in one eval and then other/additional tests are administered privately. Point being, if the family is considering a private eval and can get in in a timely fashion, there may be a reason not to also pursue in-school testing.