Son has poor grades, husband and I don't know how to help him

If you are posting a real situation, I am really worried for your children. I will be blunt - you want to keep the ball in play until their brains are developed. You want them to stay alive. Their stress should be one of your biggest concerns. Their lives are more important than their grades.

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I am somewhat unsure what you mean by decoding. To clarify, he was reading expansive chapter books that were categorized at the ā€œ9th grade plusā€ level by his school curriculum and demonstrated full comprehension of these books. In elementary school he read many of the same books that my husband and I read, and was able to have relatively intelligent discussions with me and my husband about these books, he sometimes made unique and nuanced points about the books that I did not immediately grasp. I was very impressed, I truly thought that he had a bright future. None of this should translate into him receiving a 77.5 (21st percentile for this essay at his school) on his first semester’s English final essay as a Junior.

Does your son actually ā€œlikeā€ academics? My concern is college might be your goal but perhaps not his. Please find inspiration in my husband’s story above, the pilot. You don’t even need a 4 year degree to fly a plane anymore and have an amazing, lucrative career. Maybe more time could be spent on exploring careers that are skilled based. Does he have time to nurture other talents he might have? What does he love… music? coding? cooking? building things? cars? art?

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And until the issues are sorted out, college (being harder and more stressful than high school) shouldn’t be the focus. I’m coming from a place of have a couple of really rough years (and expensive years) figuring out issues with a young adult male college student.

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Yes, I’m glad my bright middle kid took 2 1/2 years off after high school to find his passion because he was floundering. Once he knew what he wanted to do, he attended college at the American University of Beirut and worked in the Syrian refugee camp. He is fluent in Arabic.

At 28, he’s doing great. Living in Warsaw, Poland and getting married next Tuesday. :slight_smile: Pushing him to go straight to college would have been a disaster.

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You really need to think about if you are treating your children well. The amount of stress you are willing to allow and the extra stress you are adding is very concerning.

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Unfortunately we weren’t so lucky (or smart, I remember saying this was one of the few time in my life that I was wrong, but I wasn’t). He’s now a college sophomore working 30 hours a week (he does better with less free time which was very apparent during HS, 2021 graduate). He smiles again.

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Stress and mental health concerns are huge issues.

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This has to be a fake post. No mom can actually write this stuff about her children.

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Grades are not everything - and teenagers do need to hear that. If your son hears that he cannot afford to get bad grades then his entire worth gets equated to grades. This can become dangerously overwhelming for teens.

If he gets bad grades in HS, he still can be a happy successful adult. Life is long (hopefully) and there are so many ways to success. Teens need to hear that all is not lost if they are struggling in school.

I am hoping that this is not a real post - but if it is - please take your kids stress seriously.

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Then you need to get to the WHY of his grade issues. Pushing him and creating stress isn’t the way to go. There could be a very good reason this student isn’t performing up to your standards based on his IQ and SAT scores (which, in my opinion, should not be the basis for evaluating overall performance).

You have received a number of excellent suggestions on this thread. I hope you will at least consider them.

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Closing temporarily for review.

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After reading the OP’s dismissive responses to the sincere advice of many users, I’m leaving this closed. Hopefully the advice will be helpful to others who find this thread.

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