<p>Hi all, I’m not sure if I need to vent or if anyone has any advice.
Our son had a really bad experience with social anxiety during his first year at school. He was a varsity swimmer and after the first few weeks of being on top of the world he started missing practices and sleeping in, that lead to being nervous of the coach and team disapproving (he had an awesome coach but would rightfully call him out if he slacked off) he started avoiding practice all together then started missing classes and sleeping all day. he became so nervous of seeing either his suite mates or anyone that he knew that he hid in his room until everyone was gone then run out and get something to eat. He became agoraphobic by second term and had lost loads of weight and was planning on suicide. We knew he was unhappy and finally got him to confess. The university was very helpful and we saw a councilor the next day. we also saw a campus doctor and department head. they all agreed that our son needed to come home and agreed to not hold his second term marks against him and wiped them out. He came home March 17. from then on he saw a councilor every other week and slowly made improvements. by the end of this August he had gained 40 lbs of muscle by working out every day and was even volunteering at a food bank with me. he felt he was ready for school in September.He was also put on low dose meds by his family doctor.
He is living with his older brother this year at university.
Older brother spends LOADS of time at his girlfriends house so younger brother is alone a lot.
The first few weeks have been great now all of a sudden he has a terrible cold and is calling us very sad and lonely every evening. I called today to see if he felt better and asked how his class was today. The he announces. oh damn my class is starting in 15 min. I told him get going and we can talk later. Older brother texts me and says he didn’t go.
I called back and told him to get his but moving now. late to class is better than no class. older brother texted me that he did go finally.
My question (so sorry for the long intro)
Do I 1) call his university councilor and ask him to move up their next week session to tomorrow.
2) call his doctor to ask about upping his meds
3) let him handle this himself and chalk it up to being sick with a bad cold</p>
<p>I just don’t know what to do. I am always on egg shells waiting for another back slide. it terrifies me.</p>
<p>After your experience last year, I understand your fear. I would be more likely to intervene given this history. </p>
<p>How has he been doing except for this incident? Just trouble since the cold? I would give it a week or so and see if he bounces back, and if not, jump in with both feet. </p>
<p>Is bro a good monitor and reporter of what is going on? Would it make more sense for S to be living at home and going to school?</p>
<p>He called back. He did go to class but can’t cope with his later class this evening. His older brother said he is crying and very down. I am going to call his doctor tomorrow and he has agreed to go to a councilor tomorrow on campus. This is his first set back in 4 months. I’m sure it will be a few steps forward and the odd one back. We talked about what he has to be thankful for and he seems much calmer now. I hope he doesn’t have to leave Uni again. He loves the school and really wants his own life. I’m afraid bringing him home will tell him we don’t feel he can make it which may add to his depression.</p>
<p>Is he under ongoing psychiatric care while at school? I would not characterise what you,are describing as mere social anxiety. His medications may need to be monitored and adjusted. A really great book you may find helpful is My Age of Anxiety by Scott Stossel. </p>
<p>I agree with being more proactive. It sounds like you are encouraging your son to see the counselor, and that’s great. You sound like a very loving mother. </p>
<p>This must be so hard for you! I agree that more intervention is warranted, given the history. I do know 2 students who have had serious anxiety issues in college and have had to take breaks, but both successfully graduated. How far away are you?</p>
<p>This may be premature to suggest but he may do better by living at home and going to school. Lots of people do that. That way you can monitor the situation and he may feel safer.</p>
<p>It’s barely been six months since March, when you said he had a major breakdown.
I think going back to school is much too soon from the sounds of it.
Six months wouldn’t be long to recover from a major car accident, and the psyche is more vulnerable.</p>
<p>It sounds like much more than anxiety, it sounds like depression. My closest friend suffers from both and it took years to find the right mix of meds to help her cope. She would not have done well living far from home and going to college during that time. I think you need to make a call to the therapist, and look into his living at home while going to school.</p>
<p>You might also recommend Acupuncture. Son started it about a month ago for anxiety/depression, and have noticed remarkable results in a short time. </p>
<p>I have a lifelong tendency to fall into just this pattern (but not suicidal, thankfully). I think you should intervene. It is excellent that he is promptly seeing someone. The problem with this kind of anxiety is that it feeds on itself and mounts and mounts, which leads to more avoidance and more trouble and more anxiety, which the person tries to hide by hiding from the world. I went through a period in college where I stopped going to class, refused to answer the phone, stayed in my room and slunk around campus hoping not to be seen by any of my professors, etc. It was finally broken when my honors thesis advisor was driving by, saw me, and screeched to a halt. Instead of remonstrating with me, he said “Where have you been? Are you all right? We’ve been so worried about you!” His support enabled me to get my act together and finish my thesis and write about 15 papers in three weeks. </p>
<p>I could go on about this forever–the problem has dogged me all my life–but intervention before things snowball is essential. I will add that having a supportive, not punitive, parental response is KEY. You are already ahead of the game there.</p>
<p>Do not blame it on the cold. That can make one feel miserable but he needs coping skills to deal with things like that. Just a call to his physician to up his meds won’t do what needs to be done. He needs to be seen to determine if the medicines are optimal before just changing them. Therefore choice #2- see the counselor sooner than scheduled. His counselor can check on many things and initiate changes, including suggesting to the physician that meds be changed.</p>
<p>Best wishes to you and him. This is one of those times it is best to intervene/interfere instead of letting the adult child handle it alone.</p>
<p>Is your son’s physician a psychiatrist (I hope) or a general practitioner? It’s my experience that GPs can be fairly conservative when it comes to mood disorders, avoiding whole classes of medications that are known to work.</p>
<p>Yesterday he called me feeling much better. He got himself to class then to the gym(he works out almost daily as he knows it helps his depression) He then headed over to the University counseling centre and got an immediate session. He later in the day spoke with his GP about his depression/anxiety meds and they agreed together that he should keep them the same but monitor his moods very closely. I am so impressed that he took charge of his issue. I had told him that he has to battle the depression when it takes hold. He has come so far from last March. I too felt it may be too soon to return to school but he was bored out of his mind at home and had no chance for social interaction to work on his anxiety issues. His older brother said he would stay close to the condo to keep an eye on him for the next few days. They are 1 hr away but both had planned on coming home this weekend.</p>
<p>The strange thing about his social anxiety is that he had model god looks(not just my opinion lol) and girls come around him like flies. He can barely look at them. When kids do get to know him he is so witty and sweet. they ask him to parties but he gets too scared to go. I’m hoping he can overcome this while he is young. I was very shy and many labeled me aloof.I had to push hard to be social. I still back out of party invitations last minute.</p>
<p>Anxiety and depression often go hand in hand. </p>
<p>I hope that he is seeing a therapist that does a thorough life history intake (not all do). My BIL suffers from social anxiety. He was able to function at school, even got a PhD in physics from a top school, but could not function in most other aspects of life…could not work, rarely goes out in public, only socializes with family, has no friends (never has had a friend)…spends most of his time watching TV or playing computer chess. He never sought treatment…ever. </p>
<p>The problem is that a depressed person often doesn’t have the strength to “battle,” and he or she needs support. I’m glad he’s doing better right now, but you should realize that this will most likely be an ongoing issue. If you have ANY doubt at all that he’s struggling at school, bring him home. As a friend told me about my ill son, “You want to keep the ball in play.” That’s blunt, but true.</p>
<p>I realize it can be boring at home, but unless you live in an extremely rural area, there are still opportunities to be social.
People who lean toward depression are often very intelligent and perceptive, and want to please.
Sounds like he is skilled at telling OP what she wants to hear.
You must read between the lines and not be assuaged by a good day or two.</p>
<p>I would bring him home and get him into intensive therapy with closely monitored medication. Does the psychiatrist specialize in adolescent depression? I question leaving the meds at a low dose. </p>
<p>Talking about what he has to feel thankful for mostly brings guilt for still feeling depressed. Depressed people want to hear, “what do you need right now” rather than advice to do battle with the gray blanket of sadness and lack of motivation. I’m telling you this not judgmentally but from very hard earned experience.</p>
<p>@trymommy, I am tagging you since I noticed you haven’t logged onto CC in a couple of days.</p>
<p>Sigh, I didn’t want to listen to what other parents had to say, either, when my son was newly diagnosed. He was “different” than all of these other kids I heard about, right?? I, like Snowdog, learned the hard way. Now I would advise parents to err on the side of caution and TOO MUCH support. Your son needs you! Don’t fail him. :(</p>