<p>There’s a difference between ALWAYS being an only child and BECOMING an only child. For some kids with very close relationships, it can be very similar to some of the emotions a parent has when a kid goes off. You go to their room and look in, but they’re not there. The activities the two of you enjoyed together once, now just make you a little sad. The feeling passes, and things get better - but it’s not fair to discount a sibling missing the one that may have actually been their best friend for life, and being upset that he’s not there.</p>
<p>Cromette is right. It takes time to adjust to the profound sense of loss when a close sibling leaves. But there may well be another issue–if the remaining child is an extrovert, it can indeed be very painful to be alone all the time, and that’s something that time won’t necessarily fix. I think you’re right to be concerned, and he may well decide to go live with his father.</p>
<p>Thank you everyone for your input.
paying3tuitions - any animal wouldn’t work for either of us
07Dad - the current custody arrangement suits the 3 adults involved
marian - he has never appreciated the advantages of his brother being absent from home, even for short periods. Which is odd because he is the more sociable of the two.
cromette - Getting him involved in more volunteer work seems like a good idea. Will give it a try.
Again, thanks all for helping me with this.</p>
<p>Every time I look at this thread title, I think there is only one way to solve this problem…have a baby.</p>
<p>Ok…my DD was the exact opposite. She had never been the only child and when her big bro went to college, she was the queen bee. Plus she didn’t have to share a car or bathroom with him.</p>
<p>And she was very busy as she was in high school with her many interests.</p>
<p>How long have you been divorced? With the 4 year (or is it 5?) age gap between the two, I have to wonder if older brother was almost like a second dad for him, and now “losing” him is like “losing” dad from the divorce all over again.</p>
<p>^^^This.</p>
<p>Also, perhaps you could have monthly trips (you said he wants to live abroad some day, so maybe he loves to travel). He will be uncooperative, but over time it might morph into the thing you guys do together. Also, can you visit the brother? Road trip? Skype? A regular skype time for your guys (no mom!) might be helpful.</p>
<p>When our oldest left, I will admit I was surprised to feel really hurt by the rejection of the one left at home. As if he were constantly saying “Good God! You’ve left me with just HER for company?” when I had imagined these interesting chats, basketball, and general bonding. </p>
<p>Grieving takes time. Adjusting to a whole new family set up takes time, too. It will happen. He’ll adjust, and then be an unhappy teen about something else that is clearly completely your fault, too :)</p>
<p>Sometimes it helps to lean into what the other person may be feeling and agree. Put down the tug-of-war rope, get over to the same side with him, and look across the rope at a problem together.</p>
<p>An easy-to-implement idea: next time you feel like discussing or debating what your younger son is doing or saying about his life, stop talking, walk over, put an arm around him and say, "I know, I miss him too. It’s a big change for both of us. But we’ll get used to things. " </p>
<p>Nothing maudlin or morose, but just acknowledge how he feels for a few moments, then brighten it up. That way, you’re helping him adjust rather than telling him he needs to adjust. It’s more supportive. He’s still pretty young.</p>
<p>Jym has a good point there. I remember reading in Birth Order: with 5 years or more between siblings, it’s as if the young one is a first child all over again. </p>
<p>Also true that every loss can trigger a replay of feelings from prior losses.</p>
<p>These are just ideas to help you understand even more what he might be feeling.</p>
<p>Sometimes I ask my kids, “Anything I can do to help?” Even if they say no, at least they seem to appreciate the solidarity.</p>
<p>He’ll probably get used to it in his own time, but it wouldn’t hurt to try to ease him into the transition of being an only child. You said he likes going to his dad’s house to see his friends, so try to see if the two of you are okay with his friends from school coming over to your house more often. Help him get involved in something else that takes up time and lets him build close connections with other people/things. The dog and volunteer work ideas are good.</p>
<p>What about a foreign exchange student?</p>