<p>My younger son is struggling with being the only child at home now that his brother is at college. It gets worse after his brother has been home for any break. All I hear is “I hate being an only child”, and often accompanied by tears. He absolutely hates the time he has to be at home with me and prefers to be at his father’s place where he has stepbrothers, or to visit friends.
I have tried to explain to him that life is never going to be the same now that his brother is at college. That a whole different world awaits his brother when he finishes, especially since he wants to live abroad. I want him to learn to enjoy his own company and not to rely so much on others for his happiness. He still has four years of school before he can also go off to college, and I can’t stand the idea of him being miserable all those years.
Any word of advice? How have other parents dealt with a similar situation?</p>
<p>I dont have too much advice accept to make sure you are not looking to him to entertain yourself. My youngest was always saying “I cant wait to be the only child” when my middle was leaving for college. Well, a few months in and she was not thrilled at all. Since she was now the only one at the dinner table, I guess we looked to her to provide more conversation than she was used to. She claims we had too much time to pay attention to her now LOL. We have tried to step back a little and give her some space. Being the only child will take some getting used to especially if he was close to his older brother. Give it time.</p>
<p>A younger neighbor commented that he couldn’t wait for his big Sis to go to college. My S jumped in right away and said, " no you don’t! It’s like living in a fishbowl–you’ll never get away with anything again!" WHich is how he felt when D went to college. We tried not to make him the focus of everything (hard!). Adjustments for everyone.<br>
Get him involved in sending a care package, letters, etc., and see if older S can call, send notes to younger S…</p>
<p>We let our youngest help choose and adopt (rescue) a new dog for our family. We drove together to weekly obedience training classes. He soon became a lead figure/commander in the dog’s world. It was fun and important for him to be home to practice the dog’s lessons, leash walk, practice the training and so on. He had new status in the neighborhood.</p>
<p>It was a big, strong dog, requiring the youngest son to become very assertive to keep in control. We have experience with dogs, so I only recommend that if you are already okay with adopting. This was no guinea pig to keep him company – this was a huge, home-based responsibility. In fact, he suggested it – so I guess it’s important your son buy into it and want to participate, from the very start, for it to work. </p>
<p>When HE went off to college, though, I had a sad dog…</p>
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<p>I understand this sentiment, but at his age it might make more sense to help him find other people in his life- friends especially- to replace some of the emotional connection he has lost with his brother away. Most of us need to be close to others, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’d be looking for activities that he can immerse himself in that also provide a strong social connection.</p>
<p>Personally I’d have a hard time feeling sorry for a kid whining about such a minor issue. Ignore it and let him deal with it himself. But everybody is different.</p>
<p>I was the youngest of five and left alone at home when the sibs had all gone. It was incredibly lonely and, as my parents weren’t well at that point, a lot of things fell to me alone. Then when they came home, it was always chaos. I thought of it as the worst of all worlds.</p>
<p>Sounds like it’s just you and younger “only” son at home now? Sounds like a bit of “empty nest” syndrome for him - seriously! </p>
<p>Try to take a positive attitude - telling him that things will never be the same and that “a whole new world awaits” his brother (while it’s true, it would make me feel like the home life I loved would never again be part of my life AND for “only” a whole new world for HIM seems YEARS away ) is depressing! It says, “brother is gone, isn’t coming back and is dumping us for a better place”. Again, maybe true, but maybe not. Holidays, vacations, etc. give the opportunity for things to be largely “the same” again. </p>
<p>It’s heartwarming to know that his brother meant/means so much to him - that’s POSITIVE!!!</p>
<p>I don’t know how my son felt, but I really enjoyed the last two years of having my youngest alone at home. We got to know his friends better, they came over more often.</p>
<p>I now have a more or less only left in the house. My husband and I are in competition as to who can indulge or otherwise wine and dine the child more. He is lapping it up. It’s actually fun for all of us because we are much more financially secure than we were when we had three growing up. So son gets to do all sorts of fun things with us and, thankfully, has a fantastic attitude about it.</p>
<p>Wow, 3bm103! That’s harsh. Someone he loves and has been with his whole life has left the house for good. The adjustment that might be necessary is hardly a minor thing.</p>
<p>Anyway - I second redirecting him. New dog, new activity, understanding, etc. But also second the post that said that YOU can’t entertain him all the time.</p>
<p>Now might be a great time for him to get involved in some volunteer work - Habitat for Humanity or something. Start building that EC resume, help others, divert his attention, and make new friends, etc.</p>
<p>I suspect he will begin to adjust. It was a bit sad for my youngest when her sister left too. They’re really close.</p>
<p>My kids adjusted well to being an “only” while sib was away at college. D had it for 3 terms plus several summers while S was away. S had it for 8 months while he was waiting for his job to start. Both missed the sib but were fine with the quieter home while the other was away. </p>
<p>I think kiddos, like everyone need to adjust to change. Can understand that they might find busier, noisier house “more fun” but yours may be more restful. Your kiddo has time to figure out priorities and direction.</p>
<p>“This was no guinea pig to keep him company – this was a huge, home-based responsibility.”</p>
<p>I know this is completely off topic, but as someone who owns pets and has been involved in rescue, I just had to comment. Guinea pigs are a huge responsibility. I have both two guinea pigs and a large, strong rescue dog. Guinea pigs are BY FAR the harder of the two to take care of. They require a really huge, indoor space, at least an hour of day of care, not even counting play time, and their medical needs require tons of time and A LOT of money. I am dealing with some medical issues with one of my piggies now, and trying to do it while working full time is a struggle.</p>
<p>So, please don’t get anyone a guinea pig to keep them company (epspecially not for a kid!). They are a tremendous responsibility, and even an adult would have to go into it with their eyes open.</p>
<p>I would tell my youngest that when she was alone “we’d pour all our love and affection over her until she couldn’t stand us.” I think she got the point: we wouldn’t do that and it was getting to be her time to grow up on her own. </p>
<p>Kids change on their own schedules.</p>
<p>Since I am the mom of an only, hard for me to feel sympathy. No ones’s life should depend on siblings. This is an opportunity for your “only” to grow himself and learn how to entertain himself. With the web, he never has to play a video game alone or can even play scrabble online.</p>
<p>My D was always and only child and never complained but she was VERY busy!!! More sports perhaps???</p>
<p>Gee, and I always hated being the middle child.</p>
<p>If his Dad is on board with the idea, why not change the custody arrangement so that you become the calm “get away” place?</p>
<p>It’s not a question of needing a sibling so much as it is adapting to a change that may or may not be welcome. Also to the change between two vastly different households. Not everyone is easily adaptable to change and if a kid is sincerely unhappy, that should be respected. Not to mention the fact that if you love someone, it’s not unreasonable to miss him or her.</p>
<p>Instead of drawing more attention to the disadvantages of his brother being gone, you might want to point out the advantages.</p>
<p>The most important, in many families, is that your younger son now doesn’t have to compete for attention or resources or make compromises to accommodate his brother. </p>
<p>Does he need a ride? He doesn’t have to wait while you pick up his brother somewhere else.</p>
<p>Does the household have one TV or video game system? He doesn’t have to wait his turn to use it.</p>
<p>Does he hate his brother’s favorite vegetable? There’s no need to serve it when his brother isn’t home.</p>
<p>You get the idea.</p>
<p>My younger child absolutely loved it when her brother went to college. She enjoyed three years of being an only child before leaving for college herself – and an only child is the highest priority child in the household.</p>