Son is acting like a brat!

Parent Cafe
1

So, my son who is in his last year at college is home now, starting all last week for spring break, which is extended for this week, too. Online classes start next week. He was starting to get in a bad mood from total boredom about last Thursday. I’ve pretty much ignored it as he’s typically a cheerful nice person to be around and I understand the deep disappointment and disruption. We’ve talked a lot about it and he’s apologized a couple times for his contrariness, but it still gets old.

He has an apartment with a roommate in his college town, less than 90 minutes away. We ran there Saturday, so he could pick up things he wants and needs, and to take a few things home for good. We walked around in the freezing cold weather.

His roommate was planning on moving back today and another friend from Tennessee said she was going back on Thursday. So my son said he wanted to move this Friday. I don’t like it, but I said ok. He “tells” me, but he knows he needs our permission as we own the car and pay for everything, plus that’s just the way our family works.

So, our State Governor just announced we are to Stay at Home for 2 weeks. We all watched the news together and I thought that put the lid on it.

So at lunch, he says his roommate is down there and has stocked up on food for 2 weeks. We said you’re not going, what about “stay at home” don’t you understand? He said I’m planning on going Friday (doesn’t say it mean at all). DH and I looked at each other and said, no…you are staying home.

He said “Jesus”, and stormed upstairs like he was 13 not 23. Anyway, he can go back on April 7th and stay there until the end of his apartment lease on May 10th. So it’s not like he won’t have a month to walk on his beautiful campus in spring and just live down there, even if it’s still just take-out at that point. He knows that, But just don’t want to accept it I’m getting ready to strangle him now. It’s his last year yes…but his 5th year (he changed majors), so it’s not like he hadn’t had more time at school.

It’s going to be a long 2 weeks. Hubby is home now but will be working in the office. Now he’ll know what a bum I am all day…haha!

2

Remind him that just as you brought him into the world, you can take him out

3

I think everyone’s nerves are understandably a bit frayed. I think his tantrum is an aberration brought on by disappointment, boredom, frustration etc. IMO this troubling time calls for patience and forgiveness.

4

Does he go to college in the same state you live in? How far is the college from where you live?

5

@happy1 , it is all those things! It’s just disappointing that at age 23 he can’t have a bit more mature mindset, especially knowing he’ll get several more weeks in the college town to just be there, even if he’s taking online courses. It’s a fun place, I get it.

I think I’ll just have to ignore his behavior unless it becomes disrespectful, which I doubt it will. Just wondering if others are experiencing the same with theirs.

@864346 , I have no plans on killing my kid, I never really understood that saying really.

The only leverage we have with his “wants” are he is still a dependent.

6

Every family does things differently. I know you are currently paying his way on most things - and I’m sure you and he hope that changes as he graduates and cross fingers, finds a job.

But you said it yourself - he is 23, not 13. Is he uncapable of making good decisions when he is back at his apt?

He is going to be finishing out the semester I assume online - I can totally understand wanting to physically be at school to do that. Also, it is miserable and to me a death sentence to make me be somewhere I don’t want to be for a long period of time.

You might just let him know (if this would be your rule) that if he goes back he will not be allowed to be home until the quarantine time is over - whether that is April, May or June. Or whatever your rules would be for him coming back in the house with potential exposure.

7

How much fun is he expecting to have if they have to shelter in place? Is he willing to stay in his apt. except to go get groceries?

8

I guess I’m the contrarian here. The apartment is his home (in addition to yours). Why can’t he go and live there?

9 
I don't understand why he can't go back to his home either. He will not be forbidden to go back. Pack him up supplies and send him off.  it is not like he is living on campus that requires him to come home.
10

My understanding of social distancing is strictly that. His roommate has been at his home, his father is a police officer. Maybe his roommate has it now? Maybe my son has it. A partner at DH’s law firm, on his floor, has just tested positive Friday. Does DH have it now? Has he passed it on to son, who will now pass it onto the roomie. They plan on seeing friends who head back early. Do they have it, again…does son have it?

I guess I’m taking this separating ourselves seriously in lieu of the orders today.

11

He’s an adult.

As long as you’ve made your position clear, let him make his own stupid decisions.

You can always say, “I told you so” later.

This thing is only killing people that have existing respiratory issues.

0.1% of 15 to 50yr olds.

12

@greymeer, except “young” people are needing hospitalization . . . over half the COVID patients hospitalized in NY are under 50. And while the odds definitely favor the young, I would not want to take the chance that my son would need hospitalization, both for his sake, and for the sake of the over burdened hospitals that soon may have to turn people away.

13

So, back to my original question. Anybody’s kid in a very bad mood?

14

On a different site I visit there is a page for complaining about your kids home from school.

The twist is that when you write it you have to substitute ‘coworker’ for ‘kid’. Use office vocabulary for as much as you can.

For the above it could be along the lines of:

My coworker said he is putting in for a transfer to a different office. When management found out the transfer was denied. Coworker is considering quitting the firm.

15

In defense of those of us giving advice, at a second glance at your post I don’t see any question asked in reference if any other kids are behaving out. :slight_smile:

16

@abasket…you are right. I must have thought I put that on there. I was wanting to commiserate with parents whose kids were acting like that, not have my decisions questioned. I stand fast by those as far as Coronavirus safety.

But you are right, it did seem like that.

17

@“Snowball City” I don’t remember if I saw it here or on another site – I’ve also seen the “coworker” substituted for one’s animals. It seems cats are usually Management. (My dogs usually behave like disappointed but benevolent and dignified board members.)

18

I thought I’d have an issue with my 20 year old wanting to go out. He’s never asked (which surprised me). When my younger son was asking me for the millionth time if he could go to his buddy’s house my 20 year old intervened, by telling him he wanted to show him something. It was a mathematical model of the pandemic. Now my younger one doesn’t ask either.

19

My son returned to school yesterday and my wife had the same feelings as the OP, the only difference was our son had been a delight all week. That said I could tell it was starting to wear on him.

I ended up believing, and convincing my wife that him returning to campus was not much of a risk and in the grand scheme of things, if he caught the virus he would be much better off at one of the top research/teaching hospitals in the world as opposed to our local hospital. Plus the average age of the two communities is vastly different and if a widespread outbreak happens here the hospital will be overwhelmed with older patients.

20

Hugs @conmama. I think he will figure it out and not go. He just needed to throw a good old fashioned temper tantrum.

I would not let him go if I knew someone in my H’s office tested positive, no matter how little contact your husband might have had.

This is hard, really hard.

I’m having more trouble with the elder relatives than the younger ones. The older relatives are not getting this social distancing at all!