My 21 yr old is staying in her college rental house although her roommates are gone. She’s not a happy camper right now, but preferred staying there rather than in our house an hour away with her mom and dad and younger siblings. She has a full load of classes and lots of model building going on.
Son’s GF is 23; lives and works in NYC. she just “came home” yesterday to her parents house; self quarantining for 2 weeks. She couldn’t stand being in NYC working from tiny apartment. She feels safer in our midwest state over NYC.
It’s hard on these kids at that age to know where “home” is. There’s really no right or wrong to these decisions; point is to stay put.
I just want my kid happy and focused so she can finish the semester strong. I understand your son’s reaction; but also I understand your annoyance to the “brattiness.” Hope things level out for you all.
I have no faith that he will just isolate with his roommate. Also, he’ll go back in a couple weeks when the shutdown is lifted. He should be able to live with that. I honestly believe we all need to do our part in this.
Unfortunately, these kids are going to face a lot more than their short-term view on these inconveniences. Recession grads face more hurdles. Unless by some miracle there isnt a recession, these might be the smaller disappointments they face. Even more grads then before might face moving home bc of lack of job offers.
What if there is no normal, imagine yourself at his age, he is an adult, he needs to be with his peers as far as possible, his friends, they are at this point more significant than his family. at 23, I would never have agreed to stay. Sure the long term picture might be living at home for many, but not yet. There are 23 yr old nurses, 23 yr old drs (in other countries), 23 yr old LEOs.
Here’s the other thing I’m going to say @conmama - or anyone else going through a similar situation.
If the bottom line is you are insisting your offspring (not saying child!) stay in your home then put things in place to make it as pleasant as possible. Do you have two living areas like a living room and family room? Give over one of those to be their space. Talk conversationally not lecture. Bake or cook a family favorite or give them the space to have the kitchen on their own to cook what they like.
You can live in the same space without feeling like you are IN each others personal space 24/7.
Honestly I don’t think it is living in the same space (or having their own space at home) that is the problem. They want to be with their friends/peers. That is their normal. Their whole world was turned upside down in a matter of a week or 2 and most of these kids can’t even go back to campus to get their belongings. I can’t even imagine if I was on a vacation (spring break) and then was told “sorry, you can’t go home and get your stuff, you have to figure this out”. Does it give the kid a right to be a brat? NO, absolutely not, but I feel like we have got to be empathetic to what has happened to our kids. And, they will be fine and I totally get why OP’s son should wait and return in a couple weeks.
I would let me college junior or senior live in the apartment with their roommate and trust them not to go out. My student is doing this right now. They are happy together doing online learning and homework, cooking, etc. Could not be a better situation for their mental health than being among their peers.
If they had no choice but to stay home it would be understandable but why not let them be on their own a bit? I would not take a stand on this.
I would let him go. I don’t understand why you aren’t letting him since the place is paid for. Not sure what state you are in but going home to his apartment would probably be allowed
In fact, you yourself are probably safer if he goes.
My 20 something is with me and has no place to go, and I don’t have the money to rent an apartment for her. I am kind of envious of you for having that option!
I don’t feel safe right now with a younger person going in and out. My kid is careful and sanitizes but still.
Going back to school to be with their friends and peers isn’t social distancing.
OP is indicating her son won’t social distance if he goes back.
I have a close friend whose D is a college senior and stayed in her off campus apartment. Swore up and down that she was staying in and practicing social distancing. She ended up driving to FL, many states away, for the weekend to party with friends.
We all know our own kids best. Sometimes they need to be saved from themselves, and in this situation, OP is also doing a service to her fellow Americans by keeping her son home.
I live in a college town with a very large student population. The town itself is rural with a couple of small hospitals. The students were very strongly advised by the school not to return ( both dorm and off campus kids). With such a large student population, the school could not make it mandatory that kids go or stay home as many might not be able to or have a home environment conducive to learning. So many kids went back when they didn’t absolutely need to. I know this bc I am on the parent FB page and many parents were stating it was the kids’ right to return to school and encouraging or allowing their kids to do so.
Needless to say the students are not social distancing. Large parties are occurring. The students who are being responsible and the townspeople are not happy with the situation. The dean of students made a public statement that students being caught having parties would be subject to harsh penalties.
Just yesterday, we found out that two students had gotten sick and returned to their homes where they were diagnosed with covid, the first in our community and regional area.
As my husband and I are in the 60+ group, we’d prefer the students to stay home. We have two of our own at home with us.
Thanks @LeastComplicated . See, mine would do the same thing. Since he’s a 5th year, doesn’t know as many people now, but he’d be partying with whoever he could.
He’s better today. He pouted in his room the remainder of the day yesterday, but is better today. We went for a walk and didn’t really get into it too much, but he did talk about many of his friends are going nuts. He didn’t deny when I mentioned I knew he would hang out with whoever was there, so his is that social distancing? He did try the “but since it’s a smaller town, and our hospitals are full, wouldn’t it be better if I was there?”
He and several friends are having a chat at 8:00, with drinks, as I guess Tuesday is some sort of booze night.
So yes the week she was home the first 2 days were great since she came with a friend that was stranded. Then the friend left. . Then she did get moody since they are so used to doing their own thing and having space without us walking around or forbid… “Talk to them” !
My 23 year old senior (changed majors and took a semester off to Southeast Asia), just went back to her off campus apartment yesterday. It’s just her and one other student. Large apartment. One friend was going on a social distance walk while walking his dog. The others I saw were spaced apart (different apartment… Long story) after talking with them they seem to all get it and take it seriously. Trust me… Nothing going on, on her campus. It was like a ghost town. I got dinner with her, Mexican and we took it to the “boat house” on the river and had dinner. Actually very nice. She will be more productive there, doing her senior thesis. If issues we are less then 2 hours away.
For my Junior, son. He petitioned and Michigan let him stay at his university apartment . His roommate went back home. So my son is by himself. Only goes to the supermarket. Jokingly hasn’t left his room let alone apartment lol. He is actually safer there then in our house. He seems extremely happy. In his program they are piling on the group project work plus homework. This way the kids will stay put and have no excuse to roam around. He also has a job on campus that they are having virtual meetings and still planning for next year. He “gets together” virtually with his group and student org he runs. He would be miserable here right now. He’s only 3.5 hours away (shorter since no traffic ?) .
I was actually opposed to both of them being on campus now. All the states they /we are in have stay home clauses but honestly… There is no where to go now anyway.
After we had an adult conversation about what’s happening in the world now and what campus will look /be like for each of them. It wasn’t them convincing us. It was understanding the “why”.
If I would of put my foot down they would of both been home now . They have that much respect for my decisions. But after listening to them, I decided to respect theirs.
OP didn’t ask for advice on whether her son should be allowed to return to her off campus house - i think she knows her son better than any of us! She certainly doesn’t need advice on setting up an area for him to bake/cook???
@conmama - wishing you luck. These are certainly difficult times for all.
It sounds like your son could do all his meetings and work at your house as easily as at his apartment at school, so I don’t get why he’d be miserable at your house. Same virtual meetings, same school work, same food.
But it is his decision.
The only reason it is not the OP’s son’s decision is that he needs the parent’s car to move back. Otherwise, he’s 23 and can live where he wants to - and where he can pay the rent.
My d is in a very bad mood. She usually calls me daily. Now she says she doesn’t want to talk to me or many others because she is tired of hearing about Coronavirus. She is graduating this semester and I think she feels that this is ruining her world.
She also is refusing to come home. She is 5 hours away and I worry what would happen if she were hospitalized and I were not there. I also worry what would happen if her father and I were hospitalized at same time and she was not close by. And… I worry about who would care for our two dogs.
Even if you/she was close by, it’s unlikely you could be with her in the hospital if anyone came down with Covid19. Hospitals aren’t allowing anyone in, especially for Covid patients.
She will, of course, have to come home to take care of the dogs.
