My son is a freshmen at Boston College and did not get into any of the mentor programs in any of th clubs. He says now he can’t go to any social events on the weekend and sits home alone each weekend for the last six weeks. He’s devastated an lad believes he made the wrong choice . This is killing me. Has anyone had any experience with this at BC or any other college.
I have freshman sons at BC now. One has joined a couple of things and the other son not too sure. They are coming home for the four day break. Both said freshman boys a lot of socializing is on their floors. They have gone to sports and both said they have homework. They signed up for 48 hours but is Feb. Are there clubs other than mentor that he joined?
What are mentor programs for clubs? Are there clubs that are just open to everyone who wants to attend? I’m thinking I may not understand the culture of the school. Does the school have weekend events open to all like sports, movies, programs etc. If your son isn’t familiar with Boston can he ask a friend to go do some sightseeing for a few hours one day. Does the college have something like an office of student involvement?
Below is a thread that has some great information. Make sure to click the link in post #3. http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/2102690-literally-no-friends-after-1-5-months-in-college.html
It seems a lot of kids are feeling this way right now. Best of luck to him.
My student is at a different college in the northeast and he says some of the available weekend options fill up so quickly it is impossible to get into them. I do think schools need to make themselves of aware of this type of thing and respond with more of what the kids want to do. The universities have cracked down on dorm socializing (ok partying) which may be fine but then they need to respond with more opportunities for the popular activities that the kids want. This is especially true at schools where freshman are not allowed to have cars which is my son’s school.
It’s not BC. It’s your son, and it’s tens of thousands of sons and daughters at colleges all over the country. What he’s experiencing is common.
Please read this pinned post: http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/2016222-to-those-who-feel-lonely-homesick-friendless-think-they-chose-the-wrong-school-etc-p1.html
I feel for you and your son, because I know how hard it is. Your son should try getting involved in different things that aren’t clubs. Volunteering and the campus ministry are great ways to meet people who will likely be very accepting. He can get an on-campus job that puts him in contact with a lot of people. He can try other clubs that don’t require him to try out, or whatever it is. He can go to his RA and explain what’s going on. He can join some kind of board games group. There are plenty of options.
I strongly encourage you to share these linked posts with him. Meanwhile, give him some power. Ask him what HE wants to do about it. Let him know that he can fill out transfer apps (ensure he understands all that is involved with transferring) becasue he then will feel less trapped. Ask him what will be different if he leaves BC and goes to another college. He needs to persevere, because it takes time. Good luck to you both.
So because he didn’t “get into any of the mentor programs in any of the clubs” he “can’t go to any social events on the weekend”?
What? Why do you need to get into a mentor program to go to social events? Are they that limited?
Also check out; http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/1808143-having-trouble-adjusting-to-college-making-friends-top-10-things-to-do.htm
Any intramural teams he could join?
Sorry to hear he is feeling this way. I’m sure it is stressing you out as well.
Student Admissions Ambassador program (SAP) is almost always looking for volunteers…
What about going with his dorm-mates as a group to the football game?
Unfortunately, at most colleges, Frosh guys are at teh bottom of the food chain for social/party invites. It gets better as one meets more folks.
Also, encourage him to attend the RA social get togethers in the dorm, so he can meet more neighbors. How about a flag football or other intramural activities? If service is of interest, perhaps APPA, one of the larger clubs on campus.
https://www.bc.edu/offices/ministry/socialjustice/appalachia.html
My son is at a different college and he said he had to try out 4 different social groups to find his people. He tried his floor but it’s pretty fratty. He landed with the jocks because he was going to the gym everyday to play basketball… kept them as b-ball mates, dumped them as hang-out friends. He tried an academic group but it wasn’t a fit either.
You know what clicked? He joined Smash brothers club (yes, the video game.) he’s also applied to start a club… Foosball… so they can get a table that isn’t busted lol. He’s a really happy kid now.
My point is he may need to really throw himself out there. Some kids like my eldest get lucky and fall into their group easy. Some have to work at it and take chances. He may need to try some random clubs or weekend activities that aren’t tied to clubs.
Best of luck. I know your mama heart is breaking.
I’m siorry to hear about the difficult transition. My daughter is a sophomore at BC. What helped her quickly assimilate was joining multiple clubs. She joined both republican and democratic club, accounting club, radio and television club. Ascend , etc
This helped meet students of all age groups and have her access to parties a freshmen would not have. She happily bought her male freshmen along.
I’m not sure what mentor clubs are.
Most club at BC are open to all.
Hope this helps.
lsg03 I’m impressed your daughter joined both the Republican and Democratic club! What made her do this? She will surely meet a variety of people that way!
She wanted to join to get both points of view. Senior year of high school was our presidential election year. To help destress from the college appplication process as a family we followed the debates and rallies.
Colllege is a special tome where you can have 2 oppposing groups meet in a small geographic location.
After her sophomore year she toned down her clubs do to time and most importantly interests.
BC has an open and encouraging environment to so many clubs that help students bond.
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During Orientation, go to as many activities as you can. Ask people in your hall way if they are going. Introduce yourself…they are looking for friends too. “Hey, I am Pat…what are you majoring in?”
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Go to the Activities Fair and sign up for a bunch of clubs that are of interest. They may not all pan out, but don’t eliminate anything yet. If you are into music/D&D/running/church/whatever, you can find other people who are interested too. Service clubs are great because you spend time working together.
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Talk to the people on your floor…Get some cookies and offer them “Hey I have cookies, anyone want some?” and then strike up a conversation about where they are from, what they are majoring in, etc. People like to talk about themselves…let them. Don’t make it too long…move on to others.
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At dinner time, ask your roommate/people on your hall if they are going to dining hall. Go with them. See if people in your dorm generally sit in the same area… Join them.
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Go to any dorm activities your RA has set up. If you are still having issues, talk to your RA. See if they have ideas. If not suggest that they have one. Maybe a movie and pizza?
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Join your dorm’s intramural (or any intramural) team.
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Talk to others in your classes…exchange numbers so that if either of you miss you can exchange notes… Ask what someone got on a homework question (that you did too)…once you get to know them, ask if they want to form a study group.
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If this isn’t working, go to the Counseling Center…they are ready to help freshman this time of year. Don’t think you are a loser because you have to go…this is something you pay for! Get the benefit! You may need to learn some new social skills. They may also have group talks on Homesickness or fitting in.
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Go to ongoing campus activities…concerts/movies/lectures/parties. Invite someone/group of people or just sign up and meet people for activities that might be off campus.
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See if your dorm/floor has a GroupMe Group set up…otherwise suggest to someone who is extraverted that it might be a good idea. Then people can send a group text that they are showing a movie in the lounge or are baking cupcakes in the kitchen.
You may notice that all of these things take some action…they are not passive. You have to take initiative. But the risk is small…if someone says no, then just say “Maybe another time”.
I’m curious about club mentor programs. What are those? Is there really no social like for those who are not in these programs? Is this a uniquely BC type of thing? Why can’t he hang out with people from his floor?
It might help to know, and for him to know, that this is extremely common. Thanksgiving break is a time when many new students articulate a desire to leave or transfer. By spring they are often happier. (I have been through this with 3 kids…) In some ways it doesn’t matter what he does as long as he is getting out, because that is a start, and it could be on or off campus.
Some schools have support groups for kids who are feeling lonely, hopefully disguised in some way so that it isn’t embarrassing 
Has he gone to the counseling center for advice?
Has he signed up for the 48 Hours retreat? My D’s best friend is now a junior at BC but felt similarly her first semester. The retreat was a turning point for her, hearing that other freshmen felt the same and hearing from older students that it does get better.