Son leaving life and job to go on adventure...

Parent Cafe
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<p>DS is 23, graduated with honors from top US school, engineer. Worked for 6 months and left a great job with a great salary and bright future to bike across america. Did it. LOVED it. Company took him back when he returned home. Now 6 months later he’s decided (hoped for our blessing, got it) that he is not enamored with engineering, nor his high paying job, and is going off on another bike adventure, this one out of USA and says while it’s partly his way of having another ‘bike adventure’, it’s also a way to learn another language and at the same time check out grass roots projects he’s interested in where he might volunteer some of his time to further his interest blah blah blah. He might want to pursue another path in life, and this will be some of his due diligence in gaining the knowledge he thinks he needs blah blah blah. To be honest, I have no clue what he’s talking about. He tries to explain the stuff he’s interested in and uses words like ‘sustainability’, ‘renewable energy’ and so forth.</p>

<p>He seems very excited about it all, and has saved quite a bit of $ to do this, and of course needs nothing from us except a big hearty ‘you go for it’ it appears. We did. Well sort of. My hubby thinks it’s great. Says he’s not happy doing what he was doing, always has done well, is smart, and was getting depressed over his day to day grind. Now hubby says he seems excited again, has no commitments so good for him for doing what he thinks will help him find himself and his possibly future. I know, I know, right now there are many of you who are LOVING my husband, and will find my hand wringing downright silly.</p>

<p>But, the jury is out with me. I put up a good front and son knows I’m worried, tells me to let him worry about it, and then proceeds to tell me more stuff that just about makes me burst into tears, like ‘oh and I might be gone for a year or two, but don’t worry I can come home from time to time or you can visit me!’</p>

<p>So what’s my biggest fear? That he’s been reading one too many anti this or that books about how as American we’re all going to ruin life as we know it if we keep on being gas guzzling energy wasters and so on and so forth. I worry that he really doesn’t know as much as he thinks he does about the ‘real world’ and for the first time in his life, he sounds a little all over the place if you really want to know. That he’s spent one year in corporate life (a startup with great potential and an excellent workplace with innovative people who think he’s terrific I might add) and he finds it’s full of all kinds of problems he’s no interest in being a part of. It’s like your typical anti establishment kind of thing. He seems to think that American business just has it all wrong and so why not go in search of folks who really need help and see if he can lend them a hand instead. </p>

<p>I think this has all the markings of ‘study abroad’ mixed with ‘anti-establishment’ mixed with some new idealist philosophy he’s been reading about and even he, on rare occasions, admits as much, but it’s not stopping him either.</p>

<p>So I can’t stop him, wouldn’t try. Will offer up parent advice in terms of having proper health insurance, as much safety stuff as I can think of, but beyond that, my worry will do nothing for me or for him. I just can’t seem to shake it. And if it were you’re kid I’d say something so nice and encouraging and remind you that well he’s young and it sounds very exciting and noble etc. Why can’t I take my own medicine?</p>

<p>Any words of comfort?</p>

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<p>Your son is 23. He is old enough to make these decisions. It sounds like he has no financial obligations (mortgage, wife and children, etc). This is the best time for him to have this adventure. My guess is that if he WANTS to come back to engineering, he will be able to. If not, perhaps he will find something else that interests him.</p>

<p>Kudos to you for giving him your support!</p>

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<p>You and I know from our own experience that if he’s ever going to do this, now is the time. </p>

<p>Later, he’s likely to have obligations that would prevent it (spouse, children, mortgage, etc.). And still later, when he’s retired, his health may not permit it and/or he may still have family obligations (e.g., care of an ailing spouse). </p>

<p>You’re only young once. Although not everyone aspires to such adventures, for those who do, youth is the right time for them.</p>

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<p>Agreed, but not thrilled. I should get an academy award for listening to him go on and on and nodding my head, but inside I’m crying…</p>

<p>It’s not the ‘I don’t want to be an engineer’ that’s bothersome as much as the idealist stuff he keeps harping about. He keeps finding stuff wrong with how life works. I know it’s probably normal, but then again, maybe not?</p>

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<p>In the 1960s and 1970s, an entire generation did this. </p>

<p>Not all of us were crazy.</p>

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<p>I think he is either going to take your life advice or he is not. It doesn’t appear as he is looking for anyone’s advice on this matter. He is going to have to deal with the out come - good or bad.</p>

<p>My nephew is getting commissioned this week. My sister really didn’t want him to join ROTC, but it seems to be his calling. I asked my sister if she was worried. She said, “Of course, but there isn’t much I could do about it.”</p>

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<p>fullmom, your son has an excellent degree and excellent skills. He also sounds like he’s a very sensible and sensitive young man. HE’LL BE GREAT. He’ll see a bit of the world - and what he sees may very well make him appreciate America, and the comforts that a good job can bring here. This scenario – young man out in the world to discover himself – isn’t unusual. Be happy for him that he has the imagination and ingenuity to make it happen.</p>

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<p>Sounds like a good thing to me! If not now, when? </p>

<p>My own S left 2 years ago for China right after graduation. Although I don’t think he is nearly as idealistic as you son sounds, my son certainly used the time to reflect on his place in the world.
and as far as US business having it all wrong and the gas-guzzling thing…I thinkhe may be on to something. Good luck!</p>

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<p>Actually, I think he sounds like he has his head screwed on tight. He has saved enough money to pay for this adventure. He is leaving a workplace that would most likely be willing to take him back if he decides on that. He has serious skills to offer in the venues he is thinking of volunteering in. WOW! </p>

<p>It is OK to feel a bit of motherly trepidation about him taking off for remote parts. But truly if he’s ever going to do this kind of thing, this is the time to do it.</p>

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<p>I give him credit for looking for more meaningful work, but I am a little vague on how taking off on a bike trip overseas gets him to doing something productive about sustainability and renewable energy. There are real jobs out there in those fields right now – he could certainly put his degree and experience to work and try to get one of those jobs. I would worry that he is risking a good reference from his current employer by being kind of… flakey. One “finding yourself” adventure trip is okay. When you quit for good to do it again, I’d have second thoughts about recommending him if a future employer contacted me. Good thing he is an engineer, though, often employers are willing to take a chance with someone with the right skills.</p>

<p>However… I think he is admirable in wanting to focus his life’s work on something that makes a difference in how the human race inhabits the planet. If he were my kid I would wish he was looking a little harder at using his engineering skills to do that. But he may very well come back around to that. But he is an adult, so you really have to let him go. I hear in your post that you are concerned about his safety and financial security… but I also sense that you may have political differences of opinion on the things he thinks are important.</p>

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<p>Maybe he can put his engineering skills to work designing better bicycles when he gets back?</p>

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<p>I love that he has found a passion to persue. And now is the time. Go change the world!!</p>

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<p>I feel ya. If it were my kid, I’d be worried sick, but it sounds like a grand idea for someone else’s kid. ;)</p>

<p>Sounds like he’s bound and determined and that the ship may have sailed, but he’d be great for the Peace Corps. I imagine his engineering skills would be in great demand, and somehow Peace Corps doesn’t sound quite as “flaky” as a bike trip of discovery. Would he consider it?</p>

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<p>I envy his spunk. I wish I had his spunk back in the day. Oh—the things I would have experienced. Good for him! He’s young and wants to experience a few adventures before he ends up in the 40-50 hrs/wk work grind year after year.</p>

<p>As long as he’s supporting himself and is smart enough to think through the pros/cons of his actions, let him go. Tell him to take a lot of pictures. Maybe he’ll end up writing a book about his adventures.</p>

<p>Have fun young man! You’ll have plenty of years in your future with responsibilities weighing down heavily on your back. Enjoy your youth and freedom now. :)</p>

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<p>Here is some great advice that supports your son’s decision.</p>

<p>[Amazing</a> Career Advice For College Grads From LinkedIn’s Billionaire Founder - Business Insider](<a href=“Amazing Career Advice for College Grads From LinkedIn's Billionaire Founder”>Amazing Career Advice for College Grads From LinkedIn's Billionaire Founder)</p>

<p>Among other things he says that “playing it safe is one of the riskiest things you can do”.</p>

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<p>Youdon’tsay, one of my friends kids who was a trained engineer with a few years of work experience went into the Peace Corp about three years ago. They put her in a village teaching English with NO need for her engineering background. She stayed for a year, then scrubbed out. She said pretty much anyone could have done what she was doing, they had no interest or use for her skillset. And she had some good engineering background (working water projects, things like that). I believe her story, too – she kept a blog that I followed. She gave it a really good effort, but they were wasting her talents. So… that might not be a better option.</p>

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<p>Where is he planning to go? Is he open to you and your husband’s suggestions as to where he might get the kind of experience he’s looking for? I think I’d try to get on board and help him make a plan. Is he interested in developing countries, or in more modern countries that are looking at these environmental issues seriously?</p>

<p>He could volunteer and get experience that might enable him to come back home with more to offer in the areas of sustainability and renewable energy. As intparent suggests, there are companies as well as non-profits here in the US that are working on some of these very issues, as well as jobs in state and federal government where he might feel he could be making a difference.
My son’s (now 24) undergraduate public policy research dealt with renewable energy. He’s currently working for state government in a capacity of implementing some of the sustainability monies from the federal government through the various state agencies. It’s been interesting, and challenging, for him, but he would ideally like to move into a non-profit setting here at home.</p>

<p>This is a very big area of research, and for someone with an engineering background and some practical experience in the field, your son should be able to apply his knowledge in a way that would be of benefit. But it sounds like he needs to see more of the world first. Why don’t you and your Dh do a little research with him and help him find an opportunity where he could be learning and contributing, but where you know he would be actually productive?</p>

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<p>We told our oldest college grad that now in life was probably the only time he would have to take off when he wanted to take off, to go where he wanted to go, to do what he wanted to do, and that he would never be able to live as cheaply as he can right after college. </p>

<p>Personally I think it’s great the OPs son can save and put a plan in place. He’s got plenty of time to live the Dilbert life and now is also a great time if he wants to tweak some career goals in a real world setting. I don’t have any words of wisdom because I’d probably be cheering a son like this on.</p>

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I totally agree with this. The reason it sounds like a grand idea for someone else’s kid is we don’t have to pick up the pieces later. I would let my kid know about your position if he should need a soft place to fall later. IMO, it is great that he has the luxury of doing it right now, but I would be concerned if this should become a pattern. I read some where that many 20 somethings want to “find themselves” without adding to their personal capital, when they turn 30 they see all of their friends with family and career.</p>

<p>I think I posted this before…A good friend worked very hard all of his life. He is in his mid 40s. He just had a boat (a yacht) built down in South America and he is taking one year sabbatical from work to sail the boat back. I am pretty certain his job will be there if he should decide to go back.</p>

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<p>Who said “Not all who wander are lost”? Your S is 23, old enough to have learned common sense, and young enough to still seek adventure. How wonderful that you and your H support him – and made sure he got a degree. I don’t mean to sound flippant. I am sure I would be a basket case, worrying. But you and your H have done agood job by him, now it is his turn to find out what he’s made of. Don’t try to control HOW he achieves it, but be there (as you have been!) when and if he needs you. Congrats on raising an adventuresome, curious, resourceful kid!</p>