Son lied about gf going to same college

Long story short - My wife and I explained to him how important it was to have his own college experience. For over a year we were all on the same page, or so we thought. He springs on us the night before national decision day that his GF is going to the same school. We could not have been more clear what we wanted for him and he agreed to the plan. So now we know he lied and deceived us for a year. For me, this has ruined everything, I don’t want to go to his HS graduation or have anything to do with his college prep or anything. This saddens me because we were all so looking forward to this new chapter. I am at a total loss. I want to pull him from the school but all the other acceptances and scholarships are gone now because decision day has come and gone.

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Why does it matter?


Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. Go tograduation, enjoy him while you have him, practice biting your tongue when they break up. This is not the hill to die on.


I think you’re going to provide some context.

Am I misunderstanding things?

You’re unhappy that the girlfriend is going to the same college?

Is that it?!


why are u so pressed about this?


Is there some background story about why “Juliet” is so objectionable to you that you do not want her to attend the same college as “Romeo”?

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Is there a major issue with the girlfriend? While I agree that a fresh start in college is nice, I also believe that things will work out fine in the end. Just make it clear that he is expected to keep his grades up and gently suggest it is important to make college friends.

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And maybe it’s the girlfriend who decided to attend the college your son chose. You can’t control her decisions and actions – and she might have chosen any college your son committed to.

(And is this thread even for real?)


This would not be a reason to alienate your newly adult offspring in my book. I’d be asking myself why did my kid think he couldn’t talk to us about this. Also, they both had to get admitted with an affordable offer to the same school. It may not have been a year of plotting. It may be they both applied and said let’s see what happens and it worked out.

There is still plenty to celebrate and look forward to. Statisically that relationship isn’t likely to last. But who knows. Sometimes it does. Either way, this is the time to be letting your kid make some decisions.

I do think it is fair if you want to lay some financial constraints, like college support won’t cover marriage or living together. But don’t get swept away by anger. Young adults aren’t going to do everything your way and it’s time to start letting go.


My daughter has been with her boyfriend for 4 years, they met at college orientation and were in the same dorm, so she had a boyfriend all though college even though she had broken up with her long term high school boyfriend at the end of senior year. Do I want my kids to have SO’s in college, not really, but it happens. Would you want your son to go to his 2nd choice to avoid his girlfriend?

Clearly not everyone was looking forward to this new chapter. Unless she is abusive, has a substance disorder, or is involved with criminal activities, I don’t see the problem. It will be a new chapter

This! And then maybe also have a heart to heart why he felt the need to keep it hidden. Or maybe some self-reflective is needed on your end why he felt the need to keep it hidden.


Sigh, you guys never learn.


You know what’s funny? I’m 99% sure that your son posted this on reddit, including that you’re not planning to go to his graduation. You should know that several adults have volunteered on reddit to attend in your place and give your son the hug he deserves.


There’s just nothing left to say that hasn’t been said. Closing.