Son decided to go to a CSU. We are in central CA. He is a great student/kid academically and all around. He has always wanted to go to CSUMB (on the beach). He put a deposit on a room and paid for registration once accepted. Yesterday he told us he has decided to change his mind and go to CSU Fresno (less than an hour from us) and told us he will move in with his grandpa that lives a few blocks from CSUF to save us money for room/board and so he would not have that ovr his head. This will save us around $40,000 possibly since he will not have to pay room/board at CSUMB . He has a smile and is excited and says that he feels like he made a wise decision. He wants to get a little job to contribute to Grandpa for letting him stay. I can’t help but wonder if he is allowing his dream to get stomped on because he feels bad about money or if he is growing up and making wise adult decisions. He geniunely seems excited about this change of mind and I wonder if this is normal once financial aid packages come and reality sets in. I’m not sure how I feel about this but it will mean a lot less stress financially for us. Husband and I did not attend college and we are very excited for him. I just feel like if I tell him I’m glad that he has made this decision, that I think it is wise, I am stomping that dream he had and helping him let go of a dream =(.
Are you worried because he will live off-campus or because you feel the academics are not as rigorous at his new choice? Maybe he just doesn’t value the beach as much now and the academics work for him at Fresno?
My grandmother generously allowed two of my cousins to live with her while going to college in NYC to save money. They also helped around her house, but it was a win-win because all of them grew very close and had very fond memories of the time. You son can still spend plenty of time at the campus to get the “college experience” so many talk about. If grandpa is on board, I see no real downside to your son’s decision.
Thank you for the encouragement.
Grandpa is on board and looking forward to it. Schools for his major are close academically but for his major Fresno is better, only drawback is no beach and no dorm. I guess my concern is that he gave up his first choice to save money… in typing that I see it seems silly. He is growing up. He is thinking of all kinds of good/positives in this plan change, almost like he is talking himself into liking it better. =)
And yes, I guess I do feel like he will miss that on-campus experience but in return he will be saving a ton of money. Yet, living with grandpa will give him some independence from us, a good nights sleep, and a quiet place to study. I’m hoping since he will be 2 blocks from the campus he will be able to feel very involved.
I was expecting a much more ominous story. My reaction to your post is that you have a fantastic son who knows how to make the best of a situation. It sounds like the FA wasn’t quite what you or he had hoped? But wow, what an opportunity to spend time with his grandfather (especially if they are close). It sounds like a nice outcome to me.
Don’t stress it. If it was his choice and if it makes him feel better than be excited for him! Decisions are made for lots of reasons and some he may not be able to quite express yet. The educational difference between CSUMB and Fresno is negligible and may just not seemed worth the extra money. He may have been more nervous than he’d expected in going away and living with grandpa (who I assumed signed off on the idea) gives him some space from you but also the safety of home. Sometimes kids get the notion that EVERYONE is going away and are surprised in the spring to realize that most are in fact, staying close and there is no shame in that. Maybe he’s just a thoughtful kid who feels a lot better knowing he’s not costing you extra. Whatever the reason, I don’t think you need to see it as you stomping on his dream. Dreams change as we mature and he still has a whole lifetime of dreams ahead of him.
He may spend a year or two with grandpa and then decide to move into an apartment with classmates. That would still likely be cheaper than campus housing and certainly much cheaper than off-campus housing in Monterey.
I’m impressed at your son’s maturity. IMHO, although many students do fine with dorm life, the dorms and the beach aren’t necessary for academic success- or possibly condusive to it. Living with grampa would give your son a quiet place to stay, and in addition, the bond with grampa and the memories would be priceless.
At some point, your son may choose to live with friends later on. Or, he might use some of the money saved for a study abroad or other program where he lives with peers. Once he meets people, he may choose to stay with friends on campus once in a while. He can also get involved in clubs and activities to be part of campus life.
This warmed my heart. Your son sounds awesome.
2 blocks from campus means that the campus is easily accessible similar to living in the dorm, as opposed to the situation of having a long commute to get to campus.
The grandmother of one of my best friends had both grandkids live with her (total of about 6 years) while they were in college. The stories that I heard of those years were all positive. Grandma had grandson and granddaughter around to take care of the heavy household things, grandkids had home cooked meals and packed lunches everyday, and the daughter who was outside the US at the time had six years of not worrying about her mom. Everyone felt that they won.
Sounds great. He’ll be living away from home but close enough to campus to participate in spontaneous night activities, including hanging out with dorm friends. He may also be wise to not be too close to the beach and its distractions. Feel good about this decision, mom.
I am not one to fault a kid for wanting to help pay his own way. Unless you think your son misunderstands your financial situation, i think I’d follow his lead.
CSUMB is in a different world than the Central Valley and the weather can be down-right cold much of the time. It is a small, somewhat isolated commuter school. A few weeks ago, my younger son felt the core campus was similar in size to his high school. (I also don’t like they way they’ve left so much of the old the abandoned Fort Ord buildings in-tact. It feels like walking through a zombie apocalypse move set.) I can see how he’d grow cold on the idea.
Fresno is a much bigger school with more majors and it probably feels more like home - not to mention D1 sports. Though most students commute, the school is big enough, there is always something up. Broad selection of clubs/activities/fraternities, etc. will give him plenty to do while there.
Be sure he understands his options and make sure his role @ grandpa’s house is well understood by all. (have him work out some ground rules about curfew, meals, girls, etc in advance too.)
Other than that buy him s Bulldog sweatshirt and support his decision - you can help him find student housing (if he wants) next year.
@ManyXsBlessed I am kind of sort of in the same situation. I’m near CSUMB and I wanted to move on campus but my financial aid barely covered my tuition. Luckily my home is close enough that I can commute via bus. If your son wants, he can always transfer from Fresno to Monterey Bay. Use assist.org and it will give him a way to plan his schedule to transfer. Also beaches in Monterey are always cold so he won’t be missing much
CSUMB is one of the more residential CSUs, with 85% of frosh living in the dorms, according to http://www.collegedata.com/cs/data/college/college_pg05_tmpl.jhtml?schoolId=1829 . However, the beaches are often cold and foggy.
CSU Fresno does have a four year graduation pledge that he should sign up for if he is eligible.
http://www.fresnostate.edu/academics/aps/documents/apm/202.pdf
http://www.fresnostate.edu/catalog/academic-regulations/degree-reqs.html
Your son has a good head on his shoulders. CSU Fresno is as good as CSUMB and the weather’s better (… well, hotter, at least… and if you don’t like damp and fog, it’s better).
And if he really doesn’t like Fresno and wants beaches, he should do very well and transfer to SDSU for his las two years: excellent academics, warm weather, super beaches 
I think the current plan is fine. Have you asked your son why he changed is mind? Have you told him that if he wants to go to the other school you would find a way to pay for it, or have you been stressing about how you were going to pay for it, letting him near your concerns, etc. it doesn’t really matter, but what I’m wondering is if he changed his mind based on subtle (or even not subtle) clues from others, or if he came to this conclusion on his own. And I’m not judging either way… I told my son I would support his decision regarding school, but if he chose school X he would have more loans and no scholarship, compared to school Y, where he got a big scholarship, so I strongly supported school Y, where he has spent a wonderful couple of years.