I struggled with depression and anxiety for years through college and graduate school. (Mostly under control now.) I also studied mental health and substance use for my PhD and worked with college students at-risk for mental health as a residential hall director.
First of all, it’s actually not super baffling that the mental health professionals aren’t concerned about the suicidal ideation. Suicidal ideation is a spectrum that goes from idle existential thoughts to extensive plans and attempts. Suicidal ideation is actually very common and the majority of people who have suicidal thoughts do not attempt to commit suicide. At my worst, I thought of death and suicide often (and still do, sometimes, on low days) but have never made an attempt. I have also talked to lots and lots of college students who have had suicidal ideation but were not a real danger to themselves and never made the attempt, and went on to thrive.
There are key things that mental health professionals look for to see if someone is truly a danger to themselves; one of those key things is a plan. You can directly ask someone: do you have a plan to kill yourself? Have you made plans before, or thought about how you would do it? Have you tried? Answers to those questions are most crucial, but in reality, the vast majority of people who have suicidal thoughts have not made plans much less attempts. Death is simply the only way they can think of to take away the pain that they’re feeling, and so they wish for it. (It doesn’t mean that they’re not at risk and don’t need monitoring, but it also doesn’t mean that they need to be locked down.)
It doesn’t mean that they are an immediate risk or need an ambulance or hospital hold right away, nor does it mean that the professionals are doing anything wrong by not committng him. And actually, overreacting to depressed people’s confessions CAN be harmful, depending on how it’s done. Talking about suicide is not harmful, but acting in a very stressed out or over-the-top way can make people (especially adolescents) withdraw and not want to talk anymore. It’s really important to be non-judgmental.
Second, it’s really common and understandable that he doesn’t want to “do anything.”
It’s hard to understand if you have never suffered from depression, but when you are depressed, there IS no future. I’m a bright, intelligent, hardworking person with an Ivy League PhD, several publications and prestigious awards to my name. And when I was at my nadir, I felt completely worthless and stupid, and things were never going to get any better. You see no future. The future looks like a black hole - bleak, unrelenting, unforgiving, and filled with more pain and anguish. Living for more months and years is literally a painful prospect and you don’t want it. It’s hard enough to get up and put one foot in front of the other much less make plans for the future. When I was at my worst, I didn’t want to shower, I didn’t want to eat, I didn’t want to talk, I didn’t want to think. I just wanted to lie there, and do nothing, and wait for death. (I know that sounds morbid - but I say it to convey understanding.)
So trying to be pushed to plan college classes or think about where you might want to go or what you want to do during a gap year - that is literally painful. It’s so overwhelming, it’s nearly impossible to handle. And the worst part is that being unable to handle it just makes you feel worse, because you feel stupid and worthless for being incapable of doing stuff. Even if you know you’re sick, you can’t help the way your brain constantly attacks you until you spiral down a black hole of despair.
Depression is more than just sadness; it literally warps your thinking and twists people’s words and intentions on horrible ways. Parents who are gently trying to “encourage” you to exercise or get you to plan some gap year for yourself are, in you mind, calling you fat and lazy and stupid and you think they’re right.
Anger is a common manifestation of depression, especially among boys and men. There’s actually some emerging research showing that depression is heavily underdiagnosed in men because most of what we know about depression has come from studying (mostly white, middle-class) women. But irritability and anger are definitely symptoms, too - including the (to you) nonsensical anger that you were even brought into this world. That’s not necessarily indicative that there’s something else going on.
Catastrophizing (thinking that we’re all about to be sucked into a black hole, for example) is also not uncommon for depressed folks. Often the catastrophizing takes the form of whatever you’re good at, so that makes sense for a physics-interested kid. When I was in the throes of depression, I had recurring thoughts of global pandemics (an airborne form of HIV was a common one for me - I used to be an HIV researcher) and overpopulation and famine ending the world. Thoughts of death in various forms, not just suicide, are hallmarks of depression.
Whoo, I just went to a dark place remembering all that.
Another important thing to remember is that depression isn’t necessarily a 24 hour thing, and/or people can be good at hiding it. People who are depressed can have bouts of limited happiness, or even smile, or engage in some hobbies. I finished a whole PhD while suffering though depression and an anxiety disorder. You can still be struggling mightily on the inside to keep it together. It sounds like he’s made some progress, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that he is ready for the big steps of looking at or applying to college.