“We all lose our kids to electronics and hiding in their room.”
Yes, it is common. However, I disagree that it happens to all. It doesn’t have to be that way. You don’t have to resign yourself to that scenario.
Thanks everyone. We talked yesterday and we will work on getting out more and spending more quality time together. For Christmas I got him a couple of great board games that are top 5 on boardgamegeek. We will play these for hours at a time for the rest of the holidays.
I realized that we have been in a game “hole” for a while. We played Gloomhaven, Pandemic and Zombicide for the last couple of years, but got bored of them recently. It was our main way to connect.
Have a great holiday season everyone. Thank you for the advice and encouragement.
Our adult autistic ds bought Circle from Disney to control his devices. He has a very addictive personality and has a hard time self-regulating. I had never heard of it before he bought it and then asked us to set up time limits for,him so his devices automatically disconnect. It has been good for him bc he is getting more sleep and exercise. It is very simple to use. You set it up, put in whatever restrictions you want, and then forget about it. (I control it via my phone, so if he wants me to change things, it only takes a second to do so.) Highly recommend it. He had decided to either get rid of Internet or try this bc he wasn’t sleeping but gaming all night.
DS loved soccer, do DH bought him FIFA for his xbox. They played together. Quite a bit. Not sure if that is better or worse, but it allowed DH to be part of what interested DS…
There is a terrific book…
https://www.amazon.com/Life-First-Could-Drive-Cheryl/dp/0374528535
Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Cheryl and Me to the Mall…by Anthony Wolf.
And if he is EVER speaking in your area…go! He will be talking about your kid.
On the other side of the things… My 19 year old engineering son helped to start a group at Michigan on augmented reality. Through a professor and Microsoft he brought home some headsets that are developer edition. He and I played around with them last night. Very cool. Guess kids electronics are getting cooler. He has always let me enter his electronic world knowing I would not stay that long… Lol…
I know it sounds crazy but like people don’t go bowling anymore… Try that…
Our college kids 19/21 actually want to go see the Queen movie with us. I guess that’s cool now since they are older or something…) :
I have heard of parents changing the wifi password on a daily basis. The kids could get it once their to do list of chores/homework/whatever was done. If the parents were not at home when the list was completed, then the kid could text pictures of the completed items to the parents and then get the password.
If your kids gaming device requires wifi, then maybe this idea would work for your family.
I have never allowed electronics in the bedroom for my kids at that age. Absolutely not the phone or ipad, especially. They can play, but they have to do it in the FR, office, whatever. That may not solve the core problem (you miss hanging out with your son) but at least you can see him and see what he’s up to. YMMV.
When our kids were preteen young…these things did not even exist…and the family had one computer…in the family room.
Times have changed @suzyQ7. Would you prohibit electronic devices in bedrooms for your kids when they are college age or beyond?
In HS, our kids needed computer access to complete assignments…and they absolutely need(ed) it in college.
OP’s son is 13. He’s not in college.
My last post was replying to @suzyQ7
I think it is interesting because our college age/18 etc age group is in no way as exposed as the 13 yr old’s. The tech is pervasive, inescapable. I do wonder how it will all play out. This might end up being the great divider of the future, the kids who were able to divide their time into academics, activities, and this. and the kids who cannot. Dad taking away the toys isn’t actually the answer, because it is probably about how it is handled at 5 yrs old, 3 yrs old, 1 yr old. Tech is a great babysitter, but it bites back.
That’s clear @thumper1 but as both the OP and @suzyQ7 are talking about a younger age, where is the relevance to college students and internet usage? I think most of us treat 13 year olds and college students differently.
Love the expression: “Car Jail.” It was shared about when you need a serious talk. Not like they can slam a door or walk away.
But, hey, it’s boy and dad time. In that vein, he can’t escape when at, say, a football or basketball game or a movie. No cell phone allowed, that is.
I laughed at the suggestion to join him. That may be just what it takes to get him to stop gaming. He’s 13 and may not want Dad time.
What we did was similar. Scheduled Mom and girl time. In between, they didn’t have to hang with me. (Or Dad.)
Just heard about this resource- to limit gaming time https://www.commonsensemedia.org/
“Love the expression: “Car Jail.” It was shared about when you need a serious talk. Not like they can slam a door or walk away.”
Best place for sex talks. Can’t escape and no need for eye contact. 
Next time your son wants to hang out with you may be in 10 years or more. It’s perfectly normal. Remember he still loves you!
Seriously…read that book I suggested up stream…it’s a great…and funny book…and it’s about your kid.
I got that book when my D was a teen and it was very helpful
Another device that limits/controls screen time is this https://meetcircle.com/time-limits. Just reported on Good Morning America