I’m tired of being made to feel like a loser because I’m upset that my 13 year old son would rather play on his iPad than hang out with me. We used to play board games and talk about video games we enjoy. When he was younger it would be football in the yard, rod hockey, and nerf guns.
Now every free moment is straight to his room on the iPad. And if I see if he wants to do something it’s a sour look and he comes reluctantly or not at all.
I miss my son.
Dad that needs a hobby!
Just say no. Limit his time online. You’ll be doing him a favor.
You can certainly limit online usage. BUT this is a 13 year old…and even if you do that, there is no guarantee he is going to want to hang out with dad. He is a teen…and likely would like to find his own entertainment.
That being said…if there are things he enjoys doing with you…figure out what they are. It’s possible this 13 year old has moved on from the nerf guns, etc.
I’ve been through this with my kiddos. you can always encourage him to play around people rather than in his room. . . And try to come up with interesting things to do together . . . (i have a 13 YO girl who wants to go to her room and watch youtube videos on makeup and look at instagram all the time.)
strangest thing i’ve heard of lately - showing I’m Out of IT - boys will watch other boys on youtube playing video games. Doesnt that seem strange that they dont just play the games themselves? but i guess its really “a thing” right now.
From 7th to part of 9th grade, my kid played too much of LoL. At that time, our goal for him was to attend a mid ranked UC, but something changed during summer and he has not played online game or watched regular tv.
Forced Family Fun- teens can be told when it is family time. Our kids accept the concept of FFF and I like to think even secretly enjoy being made to spend some time doing family activities or doing something with a parent.
If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. See if he’s playing any multiplayer online games then sign up and join in on your own account. You might be able to play cooperatively or competitively, in which case you two will want to be in the same room for trash-talking while playing, and it’ll give you something to talk about about offline as well.
He may not want to hang out and that’s a bummer, but you certainly can limit his screen time.
I agree with those saying to limit screen time. If you don’t, this issue will get worse. Thirteen is awfully young to be locked away in a room every evening.
Come on, dad! You need to be the parent and take it away or shut it down after a certain amount of time. Do you know what he’s doing or who he’s communicating with? Is he on social media, and are his photos or communications public?
https://www.commonsensemedia.org/blog/16-apps-and-websites-kids-are-heading-to-after-facebook
At such a young age, he should be more active. Look for activities he can join: sports, playing an instrument, volunteering, self-defense classes, etc.
Agree you are in charge here…hiking,biking, swimming, skiing, woodshop activities, the home to-do list, golf, tennis, the list goes on…find something you both can do together. I just kicked mine out of the house for an hour or two if they were couch potatoes and my H wasn’t around. I am not a fan of nonstop gaming or computer stuff for hours on end. ( this said while I take a short break from housecleaning) and I am about to order my grown kid and H out of the man cave to help.
I brought home a skateboard. Demanded something physical to balance the games. It did work for a number of years. That said, S was not a fun teen. It is amazing now to hear him tell of some family activities and trips as if he actually participated and had a good time. Never would have guessed by his attitude at the time. But I have no right to give advice as my S is now a career player. He has sponsors, good one, and works all night long nearly every night. He is a great dad to his S and his schedule allows DIL to finish medical school. When we catch a little of his online work H and I cringe. This was a kid who could have gone into any field he wanted and he chooses to spend his life playing/commentating/teaching video games.
My brother allows his son 3 hours of gaming per week, only on weekends.
Perhaps involve him in making plans you would both enjoy. Knew someone in this situation who built a Saturday breakfast for 2 into their routine. It paid unexpected dividends all the way through high school, fostering fun and communication. Many other ways to achieve this.
I love the Saturday breakfast idea. My father would randomly wake one of us up early on Saturday and take us to breakfast for a little one-on-one time.
Kids generally catch up on sleep during Saturdays. Maybe brunch.
Err… 13 iPad in his room… We used to have playboy mags… Lol…
Anyway… Something I wish I did more was actually join my now 19 year old son that is home from college and yes… On his computer now… Ask to learn the games he is playing. Suggest something to play with him. Watch him play a game. Ask him to explain the game. Sometimes just being there is important … We do watch sports together and the Bears game is coming up… Yes he brings something electronic with him. It’s the way of their world now. Instant gratification, social media etc.
One thing that works with both my college kids is good old guilt. I do tell them I miss them and my parents are divorced so my son knows I never had a father figure. Once I throw that at him we usually end up doing stuff… Heh… Sometimes I need to pull out the guilt… Lol.
One thing I tried to do when that young is anything physical since they sit a lot. Shooting hoops, playing catch, going for a jog, riding bikes… Anything to get them moving.
LOL- gotta laugh that a dad of a 13 yr old is posting on a college site. IMO he (your son) has the right idea— play video games… don’t be on a college website 
Hey OP just wanted to say that there are many, many other parents feeling your pain. It’s the draw of electronic devices PLUS the natural withdrawal of a teen PLUS the age appropriate move away from toys. Limiting electronics is hard, I liken it to fighting a waterfall. Especially if you’re in a cold winter now, playing outside doesn’t work as well. But we have to do it! There are so many ideas online to limit screen time, but it comes down to limit setting and vigilance. Hang in there!
This is your younger kiddo…so what did you do with the older one?
What else is your 13 year old doing beside going to school and IPad playing? Does he play an instrument and take lessons? Does he play a sport of any kind? Is he involved with any other extra curricular activities…scouts? Or something? If you answered nothing to the instrument, sports, ECs…then it’s time to find some. Keep him busy with some interesting other things.
Maybe he would like robotics. Some schools have middle school robotic teams. Or mock trial, or something.
If he is otherwise doing productive things as a 13 year old…it’s not surprising that he doesn’t want to play nerf whatever it is with you.
Oh…and if you really want to be involved…volunteer to assist at one of the ECs. Our school is always looking for parent volunteers to help out.
I had to laugh at the poster above who is amazed their kid even remembers family time/vacations since the kid was pouting and ‘absent’ most of the time. We took D on ‘trip of a lifetime’ at age 15 because we thought we were running out of chances to vacation together as she got older. She spent the whole time rolling her eyes and trying to ditch us so it could appear like she morphed out of the universe without parents and was traveling Paris et al all by herself !!
We all lose our kids to electronics and hiding in their room.