<p>There is a all-purpose help center for Cornell freshmen called the Carol Tatkon center that would be a good place for your son to start asking all of his questions – about his computer issues, course problems, even cell phone issues. It’s located in Balch Hall (the all-women’s dorm that’s the first dorm you get to when you walk to North Campus from the academic buildings).</p>
<p>It might be a good idea for him to go there, ask questions, and get himself referred to the correct people and services. That’s what the center is there for.</p>
<p>It has been several decades since I went to Cornell, but some things never change. Nobody holds your hand at Cornell, but the resources you need are available in abundance. You just have to seek them out.</p>
<p>What a familiar story. My son had nearly all of the same problems plus a few more–like mono and strep–twice–in second semester.</p>
<p>I learned to picture him in a tippy boat. There he was, 9000 miles away in his tippy boat, making mistakes, learning practically EVERYTHING the hard way. I thought he might drown or worse–I might choke to death on my own anxiety. Sigh. </p>
<p>Finally, I put the tippy boat image in a rear compartment of my mind. The anxiety I had about him not picking up the gourmet brownies I sent (which were eventually sent back tot he company in a fossilized condition)–was in fact, MY anxiety, not his. He was too busy trying to right his tippy boat to be terribly anxious. Besides, he is a boy. He assumed it would eventually come right–and it did.</p>
<p>Eighteen months later, Mr Tippy Boat walked into the Crown Prosecuter’s office and the newspaper and got five week internships in both offices–as a rising junior who is neither a law student nor a journalism major. </p>
<p>I’ve got a new boat image for him now–a speed boat.</p>
<p>Suna, Is your son at USC? If so, have him download the Firefox browser[ get a friend to help if he can] My son also had trouble wth the USC mail system until his roomate suggested he download the Firefox browser to his [also] new laptop. Email problem solved!</p>
<p>I find this thread fascinating…and for one reason…we have kids who procrastinate. Who get irratated when we tell them to take care of business, who think everything will always work out perfectlly, and sometimes figure it out, and others, just “sink” under the imperfection… I understand the kid is just venting, and its a whole lot of stuff going not right at once, but he has to realize much of it was in his control…</p>
<p>the computer, not being able to get his homework…hogwash…computer labs, at the school, a computer borrowed for five minutes from someone down the hall, etc…</p>
<p>can’t walk across the alley to get a package…15 minutes…he doesn’t have 15 minutes?</p>
<p>me thinks the boy needs to reset his priorities a bit…I bet if he sat down and wrote out what during the day he would see some down time…he seems very social, so why not ask someone, dude, can I use your computer for 15 minutes to check my email and stuff…did he even try?</p>
<p>the food. believe me, he will figure out how to eat…is there only one dining hall he can use? most schools have a few, with a line to get premade sandwiches and salads and such to go</p>
<p>he will be fine…its just he needs to take care of business in a timely fashion so things don’t snowball, ie getting the homework, correcting classes, etc</p>
<p>Ooops! Just reread all the posts carefully and saw he is at Cornell. But, he still may benefit from a different Internet browser. Firefox has fewer conflicts than IE.</p>
<p>Marian has a very good point. Your son should check out the Carol Tatkon Center which was established as all purpose resource/counseling/tutoring center for the freshman.</p>
<p>Your son’s complaint about not being able to get to the cafeteria for two meals a day is a common one. There are only a few meal plan cafeterias on campus, and they are not necessarily close to where your son might be at mealtime, especially lunchtime (as you know, Cornell is HUGE). The main meal-plan cafeterias are in the dorm neighborhoods, which are nowhere near the academic buildings, and in the Straight, which is close to Engineering and some of the Arts college buildings but not much else. If a student has only a one-hour break between classes, walking to a cafeteria, buying food, eating it, and getting to the next class on time is likely to be impossible.</p>
<p>On the other hand, there are places where a person can buy some sort of lunch for cash virtually everywhere. Service is usually quicker, and you don’t have to walk to the other end of campus just to get a sandwich.</p>
<p>If your son’s schedule forces him to miss a lot of meal-plan meals, he can downsize to a meal plan with fewer weekly meals and use the money he has saved to eat at the cash facilities. (Thirtysomething years ago, I did this exact thing at Cornell. Sometimes it’s necessary.)</p>
<p>SuNA, I am a fellow Cornellian, though as a grad student, and appreciate how big a change it can be that first semester and can be at any college. I think we can both realize that as your son settles into life there, thing will begin to evolve and improve.</p>
<p>You did not say what math course he was finding so challenging. If he took AP Calc credits and skipped ahead, now is the time to quickly reconsider that decision with a drop/add. There is certainly no shame in that.</p>
<p>Also consider that, if he dicided to remain in that math course, thing could improve as time goes on this semester. The big, hairy nasty course in my son’s compsci major is Data Structures and Algorithms and though he was doing fine on the initial projects he was stunned when he got a D on the one and only midterm exam. However he persevered and ended up with one of the few A’s in the class, and today, three semesters later considers it his finest academic accomplishment.</p>
<p>Finally, there is access to Cornell’s class grade reports which I will email to you if you have pm. You will find that the grade deflation is not nearly as bad as it once was and might be of some encouragement to him. BTW, the median grades for Calc 1, Calc 2, Calc 3, and multivariable calc were B. B, A- and B+ respectively.</p>
<p>One-and-only child started classes last Monday. I also received distressed communications: in the wrong chemistry class (too advanced, don’t have the prereqs), can’t switch, all the sections I’d need are full, advisor isn’t back on campus yet; overwhelmed by the amount of work, no time for anything else…quiet hand wringing and angst on my part after I imparted what “wise” advice I could muster. Then…nothing. Silence. Turns out all is fine, though he’s still insanely busy, the schedule issues were addressed. Once it was no longer a problem for him, it was out of mind. But I thought it was still a problem, so it preyed on my mind. I hope I learned my lesson…but probably not!</p>
<p>Im with CGM, he sounds like hes procrastinating, which is going to eventually lead to disaster if things keep piling up. My s use to do the same thing, and its a habit, shortcoming, whatever you want to call it, that has to be dealt with. About the cafeteria- is he not eating there, but eating elsewhere; or not eating at all? Maybe he just doesnt like the food there and would rather eat fast food, or order pizza, and doesnt want to tell you that, especially if you already bought into the food plan. As far as picking up the package, Id be p****d if my s thought so little as to not pick up a package from me. Call me sensitive, but I demand he treat me a little better than that. If I went to the trouble to ship it, I expect him to go to the trouble to pick it up. Thats just me. Im surrounded by men in my house, so I have to stick up for myself! RE his not getting messages from his profs- ask his roomie or friend if he can direct his correspondence to them until the problem gets fixed, then give the teacher the new address immediately. Or give the teacher the same address hes using to correspond with you, since thats working. Either way he needs to tell prof immediately or not expect any sympathy at all if he misses out on an assignment! As far as dropping/adding, find the class he WANTS to take and go talk to the professor of that class. Sometimes the prof will get you into a class where you otherwise cant, especially if he takes the time to do the footwork himself. </p>
<p>The computer thing I can understand being a crisis. The rest seems a little questionable. I think an 18 year old who has gotten into a very selective university ought to be able to take care of the little things. Maybe Im a little tough love.</p>
<p>I always tell my kids that problems happen. Everyday of my life I get sidetracked into putting out some little fire somewhere. Its a pain in the behind, but its part of learning how to get along in the world.</p>
<p>I AM p***ed about the package. Just not sure I should call him and tell him that. If it is sent back to me he will be paying the postage at the very least. He tells me the cafeteria food is very good, but a meal plan change might be indicated. As far as assignments, I think the prof posts them on some site and the students check that site. They don’t come thru email as far as I know. You’re definitely right, doubleplay, he SHOULD be able to handle all of this.</p>
<p>You mention your son used to procrastinate. Can you share any insights on what made him change? Thx.</p>
<p>SuNa, I really don’t agree with doubleplay. Going away to college, especially to a large and challenging one like Cornell, is difficult. So what if he didn’t get the package yet? It’s not the end of the world. But I’m sure you want him to be successful in school, and that may require that you cut him some slack for the first semester. Someone I know has a son at Cornell, playing a sport. He almost flunked out first semester and ended up changing majors. I have to believe that the classes are tough and he will have to learn both time management and how to stop procrastinating. Giving him a hard time is likely to backfire, in my opinion. Tough love works in some situations, but I don’t see it working here. Clearly, you’ll do whatever seems best to you – but it would be nice if you both could look back on this as a time when you were supportive and understanding, not adding to his stress levels.</p>
<p>Suna,
I dont profess to have all the answers, and I dont have a cure for procrastination. Everyone does it from time to time. I dont believe in giving someone a hard time or nagging. However, I do frame my expectations within character-based guidelines. Explain: Before s went to college we talked about our expectations. They were to prioritize studies, make mature decisions, communicate with professors like a big boy, and make attempts to resolve day to day issues (call us if best effort fails) with computer, cell phone, scheduling, and so on. That was part of being a responsible adult and part of good stewardship of the gifts (from us and from God) hes been given. Stewardship is a topic we visit again and again. Good stewardship means taking care of your cell phone. It means writing thank you’s to the people who gave you money for college. It means taking initiative to solve problems with teachers, computers, etc. If and when his best attempt doesnt work, then well help, if he wants us to. But not trying is unacceptable. My s is not perfect, and hell make mistakes like everyone else. But inside hes a good person and wants to be an adult, even though sometimes he screws up. Im sure your son is the same.</p>
<p>Yes, he is checking assignments on some other computer. . . says he has to go out of his way to do so. . .</p>
<p>Thanks, everyone, for all of your perspectives. I have pondered and learned from each. I think my approach will be one of listening and encouragement, with the occasional, sneaky addition of relevant information and ideas he may not have thought about. And the daily struggle not to obsess, to take things with a grain of salt, to let go . . . ! He does seem to love his school, and wants to do well. Even though he may be overdoing the social part these days, it is important to feel accepted and liked; that was, to our surprise, an issue for him during the past year.</p>
<p>Gathering all this advice has made me wonder what it would have been like to have a forum to go to with all of my childrearing questions, from pacifiers on up. My husband and I are empty nesters now and so are most of our friends, but I’m guessing the world of parenting is a little different now with the availability of this kind of good advice at parents’ fingertips.</p>
<p>Well done to you, SuNa. Your last post makes it sound like you have gained confidence in your son. In all likelihood, your son will be a success at Cornell. That’s why the know-it-alls at Cornell sent him a letter of admission!</p>
<p>It isn’t easy to put that tippy boat at the back of your mind, is it? I try to follow my mother’s mantra: “Keep busy!”</p>
<p>I would agree with that. From what I’ve seen, the advanced Calc sections can be challenging even for students who have excelled in AP Calc and gotten a 5 on the AP test.</p>
<p>Someone who did not breeze through AP Calc should probably drop back to the standard Calc sequence in college. For whatever reason, college math is an order of magnitude more challenging than high school math for many students.</p>
<p>what the OP’s Son needs to do is remember that sometimes obstacles come up, and you need to just get over it
So he has to go out of his way to get assignments, like its out of his way to pick up the package</p>
<p>I sense procrastion and a touch of, shall I say it, laziness, and a set of priorites that will adjust soon (he can socialize but can’t get mom’s package) </p>
<p>Kid is darn lucky to be in such a great school having a great opportunity, and needs to just remember, in the big scheme of things, having to spend an extra 15 minutes getting your homework assignment is minute</p>
<p>And that sometimes, in this age of instant gratification, sometime you might have to put in a bit of extra time or work cause things happen</p>