<p>In thirteen years in the school system’s he’s in, my son has never, ever, gotten into any kind of trouble. He’s the quintessential “good kid.” </p>
<p>The last few weeks, he’s made some vague references to being involved in some kind of senior prank, and told me about some of the ones from previous years. Like spray painting things on the fields, etc. I didn’t pay much attention; all I said was, please don’t do anything stupid. Anything that will get you into trouble. Anything that damages or destroys property. Anything that might endanger your ability to take part in the graduation ceremony. I assumed he’d pay attention. That at the age of 18, he’d exhibit some maturity and common sense. That someone as incredibly smart as he is, who’s probably going to get two or even three of the departmental “best student” awards at the academic awards ceremony next Wednesday, just wouldn’t be an idiot.</p>
<p>I guess my assumption was wrong. I don’t know all the details yet, because I haven’t spoken to him directly, but according to the high school it seems that what he did was take acrylic paint and write a bunch of literary quotations on one of the walls inside one of the boys’ bathrooms. (He is the co-editor in chief of the literary magazine, after all.) While a couple of his female friends (including the other co-editor in chief) did the same on a wall in one of the girls’ rooms. Apparently, he thought it was all a wonderful idea and terribly funny. Of course, they were caught. And he gets an in-school suspension next week, one or maybe more days. And has to pay for the cost of repainting. I don’t know if he’ll still be able to go to that ceremony on Wednesday (I was planning to take the day off from work to go), or to graduation. </p>
<p>I’m so angry at him right now, and for the first time in a long time, I feel disappointed in him. OK, I know it isn’t the worst thing anyone ever did. And maybe I’ll calm down eventually. Right now, though, it’s a good thing he isn’t standing in front of me.</p>
<p>Obviously, he’s going to have to pay for the repairs out of his own pocket.</p>
<p>And I’m sure not letting him borrow my car for a while.</p>
<p>I know you are disappointed, and as a mom of 2 sons, I empathize with you.</p>
<p>Still, take a deep breath, and trust me: Some day, you’ll laugh about this. After all, how many kids idea of a prank is writing literary quotations on a school’s wall?</p>
<p>He really does sound like a good kid whom I’d like to know. Yes, he did do a boneheaded action, but he really does sound like a good kid.</p>
<p>Fortunately, too, given the nature of what he did, I would be very surprised if he loses his college admission (Is he going to U Chicago?), the type of thing that most parents of senior pranksters would have to worry about.</p>
<p>His having in-school suspension, having to pay for repairs, and possibly not getting recognized at the awards ceremony seems like enough punishment to me. I don’t even see a need for a lecture or his not using your car, a punishment that doesn’t seem a natural consequence of his prank.</p>
<p>Now, if you wanted to have him use his painting skills by painting a room in your house, now that could be an apt consequence IMO.</p>
<p>Hugs to you. I know this is the last thing you expected.</p>
<p>Yeah, I can imagine how you would feel but to be honest…if this is the worst thing that happens with your son in his life consider yourself very fortunate. He did something stupid but at least it wasn’t hurtful to himself or others. I’m not saying I wouldn’t be upset myself but sometimes we parents can swing a heavy hammer when something lighter is appropriate. I have those “good kids” also and I know that the worst punishment I can give them is letting them know of my disappointment. I couldn’t ground them enough to make them feel worse than that. Let us know how it turns out.</p>
<p>To put things in perspective here your son just painted literary quotations on a wall. To be honest as long as they weren’t obscene if I were the school I’d leave them up; bathroom reading material. I understand why they’re suspending him but still, this is the first time I’ve heard of a prank that actually improved the property it was being pulled on.</p>
<p>IMO - this is really not so bad. School had to punish him since it will cost to repaint the walls. But have some perpective. It’s not drugs. Not DUI. He didn’t get a girl pregnant. He didn’t hurt anyone or get violent. As you said, he’s a good kid. A good kid who did a stupid (but not really harmful) thing. Try to ease up. I’m sure he’s already quite upset about it. A learning experience for sure…but he’ll be fine.
I like the idea of painting a room or two in the house. So ya like to paint huh?</p>
<p>Try not to worry too much. Reprimand him how you see fit, but hopefully this will be a learning experience for him. Be thankful that the prank wasn’t overly hurtful or offensive. He is still a good kid, just one who made a stupid decision–he has a lot of good company there. :)</p>
<p>Your son probably doesn’t understand why painting on the wall is bad. I find it an insensitive prank more than anything. Could you take that route with him to make him understand why it’s wrong? In addition to the fact that it’s destruction of property, because of his prank workers will need to spend time repainting the walls. School workers, custodians, and grounds crews aren’t there so that students can make huge messes or damage property. I wonder whether he thought about this angle of his prank beforehand and dismissed it or whether he just didn’t consider all of the ramifications. Just to scare him a little, you could mention to him that if the school wanted to, they could press criminal charges. The school is not an oasis from the law. That should make him think twice in the future before doing anything like this. </p>
<p>The one thing you will need to talk to the school about is whether this incident and his suspension will be on his transcript and whether the school intends to tell his college about what happened. I doubt this would cause an acceptance to be rescinded, but you should do what you can to keep this within the school. Your son could write a sincere letter of apology expressing that he knows the prank was wrong and why it was wrong if you think that will help. He should submit quietly to whatever the punishments are with hopes that the school does not wish to inform his college, though I do think he would be fine even if his college found out. He may also want to offer to help the maintenance crew repaint.</p>
<p>Just hang in there! The punishment from the school is sufficient and try not to let your embarrassment goad you into saying something you’ll regret or that isn’t true.</p>
<p>In fact, if you can muster up the control, try to be sympathetic that he decided to do such a bone-headed thing and has to pay the consequences. There is nothing better than for a child to learn that sometimes the consequences are far worse than they thought for a moment of stupidity.</p>
<p>He wasn’t driving too fast, no one was hurt, and this will pass. Easy for me to say, but honestly, some day this will make a great story…</p>
<p>If it helps any at all, that was me 3 years ago. Captain of a few sports team, president of national honor society, on my way to a service academy, never EVER in trouble with the school and well liked by all my teachers. Last day of school we (me and about 10 others) pulled a senior prank and we all got suspended for a couple of days, had to come in a few days after the last day of school and help clean up/what not. You gotta put it all in perspective and from the sound of it you’re son isn’t a trouble maker and in a few years you’ll all look back and laugh at this.</p>
<p>Many schools I’ve been in seem to have student-painted murals. I like them. Of course, they’re generally planned out and approved ahead of time, but I think his school is overreacting. If they REALLY are not willing to keep the quotations on the wall, can’t they have your SON repaint the wall? Painting a wall is not that difficult…</p>
<p>DonnaL, ouch, just as cottonwood said. :eek:</p>
<p>Vent all you like here; you have all my sympathy and I’m sure others will keep offering theirs. I hope the school continues to be reasonable in their response, especially in light of the fact that the property damage is both minimal and reversible.</p>
<p>It will be somewhat funny eventually. True story: My father never got his h.s. diploma. He and a friend simultaneously detonated two tiny let’s-not-call-them-bombs, just about this time of year, causing two toilets to explode. (Very dramatically, apparently.) Neither was allowed to walk the walk, or get a diploma. But back then, that was no deterrent to their going on to Yale undergrad - with glowing recommendations from their chem and physics teachers - and Yale med school together. </p>
<p>Obviously that wouldn’t fly today. And really, your son’s prank is infinitely more creative and clever. But very smart, kind, well-liked, well-behaved kids have fallen victim to their underdeveloped frontal lobes for as long as there have been high schools to prank.</p>
<p>Good luck. I second that paint-a-room-in-the-house idea.</p>
<p>I actually think that’s a truly magnificent senior prank. And I think the school is being perfectly reasonable to give him an in-school suspension, too. </p>
<p>Have you asked the school about the ceremonies? If they didn’t say it was part of the consequence, it probably isn’t.</p>
<p>I was kicked out of school on my last day of school, for the public water-balloon assassination of the school’s hated business manager, and other prank-related things. People were pretty angry (and I got depressed), but I apologized profusely and was not stripped of any of my honors or kept out of graduation. I did learn a lesson. (And I still have the “award” the Chairman of the Board of Trustees gave me and my best friend for letting all the air out of his tires at 3:00 am that morning. But I was pretty wet at graduation, because he water-ballooned me. It was a kinder, gentler era.)</p>
<p>A good friend of mine was actually kicked out of college for a whole year because of a prank gone wrong. (After many that went right, and a few uh-ohs.) It didn’t keep him out of Skull & Bones (it probably got him into Skull & Bones) or the first Bush Administration (ditto).</p>
<p>I’m going to have to agree with all of the above. In the greater scheme of things, this is no problem at all. I also agree that whatever the school is doing to him is punishment enough and I’d support whatever they choose to do and not punish him further. </p>
<p>Literary quotations…well, it was quite a clever idea! The kind of idea that kids plan and talk about and laugh about…but there’s supposed to always be a wet blanket in the group who makes sure it doesn’t actally happen!!! If it was my son, I’d be trying to stifle my laughter while my husband was preparing to strangle him…after he had grounded him for life.</p>
<p>Donna L, aren’t you glad you can vent on CC? I always appreciate intelligent senior pranks…it’s so easy to paint blasphemies, but literary quotes? (At a neighboring school, swasticas were painted earlier this week…aye yi yi…) Very impressive. That being said, of COURSE you’re mad, and of course you’ll talk to him about the judgement he exhibited, but–as others have said–this is a great “no harm, no foul” teachable moment. Your gotta laugh when you think about how “out there” this probably was for him to do…and what thrill and terror he was feeling. (Of course you’d never say that to him.) </p>
<p>Put it this way, your son is such a great young man, and he’s also HUMAN…which will help others who aren’t as lucky to be getting those achievement awards!</p>
<p>I spoke to him on the phone. (I’m at work.) I didn’t yell, I basically just said, “what happened?”</p>
<p>Apparently, his two friends who did the same thing in the girls’ room didn’t get caught. He can’t figure out how he got caught. But he admitted having done it when confronted.</p>
<p>So far as he knows, the only consequence (besides paying for the repair) is a one day in-school suspension (I guess he sits in a room all day). An in-school suspension doesn’t get put on his record. No word of anything else, like not being able to attend the awards ceremony or graduation. And I guess I probably don’t have to worry that they’ll tell the U of Chicago.</p>
<p>The thing that bothers me most right now is that he didn’t seem at all contrite. Basically, what he said was “I didn’t hurt anybody, it wasn’t obscene, I don’t feel like talking about it, goodbye.”</p>
<p>I don’t think I’m going to give him a huge lecture or anything (because if I’m too heavy-handed I’m sure it will be counterproductive), but I’m sure I’ll have something to say to him tonight!</p>
<p>Donna</p>
<p>PS: I never did <em>anything</em> in high school. I don’t think I ever even heard of “senior pranks” until my son told me about them a few years ago. (Little did I know that he was waiting for his turn!)</p>
<p>I could tell stories about college (nothing destructive or dishonest, certainly – mostly going exploring in odd places like rooftops and steam tunnels where I wasn’t supposed to go, plus one time being lowered headfirst, with a flashlight, into a 19th century grave in the Grove Street Cemetery in New Haven in the middle of the night; I was with some friends and we noticed that someone had apparently removed a slab, probably for repairs, and there was an open hole in the ground leading to an underground chamber with a number of rotting coffins and skeletons in it.) But I never got caught. Because I was too smart for that!</p>
<p>And here we are bemoaning illiteracy! As pranks go, this is one the school should be happy about. It shows he did learn something in his four years.
Don’t be too harsh on him.</p>
