<p>My neighbor in the midwest had 9 kids. Yup, 9. The parents could not wait to have them out of their house, and the kids were all hot to trot in their own places too, as the house was more than cozy with all of them living in it. They were pretty much stair steps with twins in the bunch so, they would overlap a alot in college. Dad was a doctor so not hurting in income, but really, I could see that they weren’t awash in extra money.</p>
<p>So the parents bought a house near the local state u, a fairly well respected school, and that 's where the kids when they went to college could live free of charge. They bought when they had three in college, the oldest and the twins, so they each got a bedroom. it was a take it or leave it deal, because, frankly, the parents had a lot of other concerns. So the kids could go to Local State U and live in the house–parents paid tuition, fees, and an allowance, plus all house costs–kids did have to come up with some of their discretionary spending and other<br>
expenses. They could go elsewhere but parents weren’t paying anymore than the cost for local U/ local house option. They all got accepted there, though if they did not, there were other commuting options with far less strenuous acceptance rates. Not all of them went there or stayed at the house, but they had to come up with their own solutions around what the parents put on the table as a given. All 9 finished college–one did get a merit award and go OOS to a private, one spent two years a the uni, and then go off to culinary school ( I think some special arrangement was made for that one as the interest factor and talent was there for it-now a restaraunt owner and caterer, pretty high end). it was not always smooth going, as a number of them wanted exceptions and there were issues. Life just doesn’t go smoothly. But, that is what they did. </p>
<p>We have invited out kid’s BF on trips with us. We usually paid for room and board, they paid for their flights. I usually get enough rooms so they wouldn’t share the same hotel room. </p>
<p>I think what has been said above about not paying for an apartment would be my choice. Whether you feel that the three of them could comfortably live together is one you have to make. I do have some hestitation about any suggestion that older has to continue to be youngers bff and camp counselor for the rest of his life because they have been so close in the past. </p>
<p>My older brother and l lived together for one semester - it was awful. (we get along fine now). I got a job so i could afford to move out and have MY life. Maybe the boys both need some space. I wouldn’t force them to live together.
It looks now, in hindsight that buying a condo may not have been the wisest choice. You could sell or rent it to other students and have them both rent elsewhere next year. </p>
<p>Either way, I wouldn’t allow the live in girlfriend. There is too much opportuntiy for things to go sideways with a break-up. At this stage - your sons will both still need your co-signature/authorization wherever they live. If she moves out mid-year, you could get stuck with the full rent for the rest of the year. That gives you veto-authority over their room mates. </p>
<p>^Like the one year idea. We’ve had to use it, many times, and lots can change in that year. But I can also see where I might prefer the “til you graduate” approach. </p>
<p>Because you made a family decision, based on finances and what you saw as their needs. Not sure it’s fair for him to pull out, based on a sophomore girlfriend, with no back-up plan that’s fair to the family "plan"or the younger brother. And if he agrees to officially stay, he needs to be there, not be a transient. Live there most of the time.</p>
<p>He’s not 100% responsible for his brother’s social needs. But he is still part of this family, still dependent. If he hasn’t hit any of the big markers of growth yet, he doesn’t have the vote he thinks he should have. I think this would be different if you said had shown striking evidence he was already more mature and responsible than college kids usually are at that age.</p>
<p>My sons were thrilled when we bought the condo and both helped renovate it with their dad last summer. We are putting money into our sons bank account and he is giving us rent cheques for tax purposes. His first room mate went away for a co-op job and sublet to the current room mate. Sooo my son sees nothing wrong with subletting his room and continues to pay us rent.He then wants to take the sublet money to fund the apartment with his girlfriend.</p>
<p>There are a couple of issues tangled up in this situation and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the biggest one is disappointment that he’s choosing a girlfriend over his younger brother. Unfortunately, that is a perfectly normal choice at this stage of life.</p>
<p>You bought the condo and you pay the mortgage and you give him money that he turns around and sends back as a rent check?<br>
So, if he gets money from a sublet, you still have to send him money so he can turn it around and send you a check for tax purposes? (Not sure that would fly, here. Are you in the US?)</p>
<p>At that point, I think I’d doubt he really gets the big picture.</p>
<p>Perhaps they do that to keep the condo as a “rental” and get the depreciation, etc. on their taxes…they would need to show "income"and then the deductions and the depreciation. It can either break even or decrease AGI alittle depending on how much maintenance, taxes, insurance, etc. get applied against “income.” Otherwise the condo is just a second home and is treated differently for taxes. It’s neither here nor there…and the son probably doesn’t see the difference between someone else renting his bedroom (with his younger brother) and still getting money from the parents since in his mind it is a cost neutral proposition (since the parents are floating the cash to him to keep the condo as a rental). I think the son “probably” DOES get the big picture.</p>
<p>You can explain the situation as you want it to be. You don’t have to justify it. My neighbor with his house didnn’t want to hear any variations on the theme because he had too many other headaches. He laid out how it worked and what the benefits for kid was. Kid didn’t want the benefits, it was take it or leave it. Not going to fool around with other things, because too much else to do. I guess when one has 9 kids and all those issues, can’t customize each one’s requests. It’s here’s the deal for you. Or here. Otherwise get a job and take care of it all yourself. Always welcome here at home for Sunday dinner and holidays. Good by.</p>
<p>1- real estate
2- sibling relationship
3- GF- can they live together, and how far will you go to facilitate that?
4- younger child and his adjustment to college
5- finances
6- tax implications of selling the condo and can you afford to keep your younger son in the dorm if you just end up as landlords, i.e. neither of your sons living in your condo</p>
<p>I’m probably missing a few.</p>
<p>My guess is that you only dealt with one or two of these issues (finances and the sibling relationship) before you came up with this idea and now you’re having to backtrack.</p>
<p>In my opinion, you need to rank these issues (and my guess is that making sure the younger child is adjusting to college is the most important). If you can’t afford to pay rent (or dorm fees) and keep the condo, you may need to look into how long it would take you to sell the condo and at what price. Or just become a landlord and have two unrelated kids living in the condo with you guys collecting rent.</p>
<p>I would not “facilitate” or pay for my kids moving in with their SO’s-- especially not in college, but there seems to be little point in you losing out on the rent on your elder son’s room by making him live there… only to discover that he spends 29 days of the month at the GF’s apartment anyway. So be pragmatic- you can “make” your elder son live in your unit, but you can’t make him sleep there. And if your younger son is going to be living alone anyway (nobody in the second bedroom), why not dump the condo and let younger son stay in the dorms???</p>
<p>And make sure you talk to an accountant who is experienced with these type of rental arrangements. As I understand the tax laws, you need to be “renting” to a family member with an arms length transaction, i.e. market rent, formal lease, etc. You may be better off financially renting to strangers, no?</p>
<p>My son has signed a lease with us and has given us 12 rent cheques he is paying $550 per month and his roommate pays $475 for the smaller room these rates include utilities. The money comes from his registered education plan we invested in since his birth. We are in Canada. </p>
<p>I would not do this unless S2 was COMPLETELY on board with this. He should also have a say with whom he lives, and perhaps he doesn’t want to live with S1’s girlfriend. I just see trouble here, especially if S1 and the girlfriend begin to have relationship problems or if they happen to have a volatile relationship even though satisfied to be together. </p>
<p>The OP never mentioned how long S1 has been with this g/f. This would effect my decision about including her on a vacation. </p>
<p>If S1 and g/f rent an apartment, would the rent be the same as the rent you would receive if rented 1 bedroom in the condo? Clearly, if they broke up, your son would be the one responsible. </p>
<p>I agree with Marian that these are the two likely scenarios. If the girl pays an amount of the rent and expenses, I don’t see a problem here. I don’t think he’s acting like a spoiled brat at all, not sure why you think he is.</p>
<p>We have 5 Ds and have taken boyfriends on vacations more times than I can count, and continue to do so. In fact, my H is in Sochi this week with two of our Ds and their significant others.</p>
<p>I don’t think the S1 has even proposed that the girlfriend live with him and his brother. If I understood the OP correctly, I think they want their own love nest and he wants his parents to pay for it.</p>
<p>If the parents agree to let S1’s GF live in the condo, they have to be prepared for the possibility that S2 may want to do the same. Would it be ok to have 2 sons and 2 GF’s living there? would there likely be issues? Would everyone be paying rent? </p>
<p>Well, I think it’s still a family matter, more holistic: not just what the son “wants” or how he wishes he had this ultimate freedom. (Of course he does.) I’m liberal and my kids are open- I’d still say, “Here are my expectations.” I get the part about giving them independence and room to grow- or how they will still do things behind your back. This isn’t about controlling his relationship. Parents don’t have to rollover because the kid wants what he wants. He agreed to the condo. Two boys. They don’t have to go thru gyrations about a sublet or responsibility if the replacement bails or the son breaks up and needs to move back in. Keep it simple. And tell him part of the deal was time with his brother.</p>
<p>Dude…sell the freakin’ condo… tell older son he’s on his own. Tell younger son to either join a fraternity, or stay in the dorm, and join some clubs…start making friends. The only way to fix this is to fix the mistake. The mistake was buying the condo. S’ry, don’t mean to offend…just sounds like helicopter parenting times 10.</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s helicopter parenting … I think they were just being pragmatic in purchasing the condo. My concern would be with if the younger son starts feeling like the third wheel in his own home. If the older son is there, his gf will be there too. You probably won’t even know how often because the older boy won’t say and the younger boy won’t want to rat out his brother. </p>